birthdays

[anna]

Hi everyone,
I am not sure why I am posting really but find upcoming events like birthdays really triggering. My nieces and nephews birthdays are coming up and i feel i should send birthdays cards as i am not in a relationship, anymore with my abusive mum, but obviously this is nothing to do with them. My problem is their mum snubs me when she sees me but if i really call out her name she says hello but its very passive aggressive. mum has abused all of us but she is the hero/golden child and she has never talked about the abuse. And mum always acted better toward her by hoovering her all the time so i understand why she is angry i left the abusive parents.Also growing up we normalised the abuse and always felt we had to put mums needs first. for instance my elder sibling visits our mum and mum would get angry about how she styled her hair or wore her clothes and i would think why cant she just wear jeans she knows it makes mum angry when she dresses nice and that its asking for trouble! I would then feel resentful toward her as mum would ring me up being very angry and swearing about her and so i never felt my sister should be able to be autonoumous but rather it was her fault if mum was angry. so i guess this is what my sisters are thinking about me that i am the trouble maker.
I knew my siblings would be angry with me but i thought it would be along the lines of being direct with me. eg we dont like you, we never want to speak to you. but instead the younger sibling snubs me and at the same time sends birthday present to me. mum was using her as a hoover tool and elder sister who is more abusive i am not answering any further mail or email from her. But i dont know whether to send birthday cards and things like that. basically i dont know how to handle the more indirect abuse. Should i be direct and ask do you want cards/presents off me?

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