9th May 2022 at 10:48 pm #143426ControlledParticipant
I have succeeded in staying apart for months now. I haven’t been able to set things in motion to bring things to an end as I was hoping that he would let this happen amicably after time to reflect and see how I could simply not live the life we were leading anymore.
He has tried his best to get me to go back because he has changed or for financial reasons. He has treated me despicably and I almost lost my life as I be became ill and couldn’t seem to get better and gave up the will to live and even became suicidal. He would say I should have killed myself.
He is trying two new ways now. Guilt and subtle blackmail. He guilts me into saying the children need somewhere to live (they are adults ) or he needs a certain standard of living. They put pressure on me to see him. I live in one room alone and they tell me it is ‘my fault .’ They rarely see me. This is despite his actions getting us thousands of pounds into debt.
The latest is absolutely vile. He is rehashing every single disagreement I have every had with any friends or family and putting a slant on it to my children as if my inner thoughts or feelings will be made public to them. He knows I fear being alone. (Detail removed by Moderator).
I feel this is such a violation of privacy and I feel as if these pictures or simple arguments or innermost thoughts will be shared with the people helping me through this. His is a the lowest of the low.
I have felt desperate in the past and the fact he is using and indoctrinating my children has broken my heart. (Detail removed by Moderator).
10th May 2022 at 2:37 am #143438Twisted SisterParticipant
I’m so glad you have been away and stayed with a friend. That must have been so welcome for you and how lovely of them to have you to stay. Are they aware of everything that is happening to you? If so, i’m sure if you just explain to her she will understand, and you will have to tell your child that they crossed boundaries and broke your trust by taking pictures of you and your surroundings, and how absolutely vile and rude they have been. Perhaps you also need to make it clear that your friends are not there to be abused, and neither are you. I am so sorry they have treated you this way. Sadly its all to common for abusers to take the kids into their confidences and vile ways like this, using them as [unwitting] pawns.
He’s simply not to be trusted, in any way. If you facetime another time, just have a blank wall behind you so nothing is observable, identifiable. Its common for facetime to be used this way by perps.
10th May 2022 at 8:09 am #143440MellowParticipant
A simple phone call
Is enough no
More face time
10th May 2022 at 9:11 am #143446HereforhelpParticipant
It’s so hard to accept that they do use their children as pawns. I believe it is called triangulation, they use family, friends to turn against you or influence your loved ones to take sides with him. His gloves are off, he will lie, cheat, confuse you, beg…. I agree with TS’ s comment about telling your children that they broke your trust when taking screenshots and how wrong that behaviour is. I have 2 teenagers, my eldest has picked up some of my husband’s sayings/behaviours (she tries to control me and both my children demand to know where I am at all times).
Big hugs ❤
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