This topic contains 8 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  Iwantmeback 4 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #75087
     xxxxhelpxxxx 
    Participant

    I am sick to death of being “blamed” for everything. This morning he woke up before me. He seemed in a reasonable mood. I am working this weekend and that always annoys him because he is incapable of being in his own. Anyway, I let him know where I was going and what I was doing in between every person I saw (like I have to do). I cannot just get in with my job!! He expected me to ask him to drive me around. I am currently driving his car as mine has gone back to lease company. He said I shouldn’t get another one as it will save money, he disliked every car I looked at and said I can drive his (he has a company car). His is awful but it is a car. I feel beholden to him. But he will say it makes sense. He thinks I should be grateful to him
    Anyway, off track. We have been bickering for most of the morning. He says he is in pain and it always puts him in a bad mood. No matter what I do, I’m wrong. Suggest painkillers, it’s wrong. Suggest going for a walk, it’s wrong. Suggest that sitting in his car doing nothing will make it worse, that’s wrong. I got fed up with his whole attitude towards me. He said I had an attitude towards him

    His words to me were “I felt unwell. You put me in a mood”. He said it wasn’t blaming me. Am I stupid or is that blaming me or have I read it totally wrong?

  • #75088
     xxxxhelpxxxx 
    Participant

    Sorry. It’s a bit rambly

  • #75089
     Landy 
    Participant

    That sounds so like my life before he was arrested. It’s definitely not you. No matter what we do for these people, it will never be enough or what they want. It’s just another means of control.

  • #75093
     KIP. 
    Participant

    He’s enjoying abusing you. It’s how they get their thrills. It wouldn’t matter if you were the most perfect person in the world, he would simply abuse you over that. Having to use his car is a form of controlling behaviour. Making you beholden to him as you say. Abusers thrive on others misery. Watch how he thrives while you become anxious, angry and depressed. Abusers are emotional vampires and it will get worse.

  • #75125
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    Hi xxxxhelpxxxx, He’s blaming you because you are daring to have a life outwith him, it might only be work but he’s got no control over it, so he controls you in his own particular way. I’ve been really standing up to my oh over the past few months. He doesn’t like it. I’m being called aggressive, a bully, selfish. He tried to even say I gaslight him, yet he has no idea what it means.
    So today it’s mother’s day and he tried to make out my daughter was being selfish by not spending any time with me, so I plucked up the courage and told him, she’d phoned to wish me happy mothers day and asked if I wanted to do something with her. He was like do it, it’s about time, I’ll go and do xxxx. Then it’s how long will you be, and I said not sure as I’m going to hospital to see my relative.
    I’ll just have to wait and see what he does to punish me for doing this, but I’m ready for him now. I feel I’ve gotten closer to the door, though it’s still not really ready to open for me.
    It’s nice to see you on here again 💜💜
    IWMB 💕💕

  • #75180
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    Hi again, just wanted to make sure his company car has I insurance for spouse or partners to drive it, it could be another way of controlling you, so he has to then drive you everywhere.

    IWMB 💕💕

  • #75181
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    So he’s left you feeling endebted to him -that’s manipulation
    he’s shifting the goal posts intentionally so you can’t win -that coercion and crazy making
    he’s saying your the problem for his bad mood -your not he choose not to take responsibility for his actions – blame shifting/scape gating
    These are hall marks of abuse xx

    As far as punishing you IWMB we know men do this to divide and rule -this is emotional blackmail and drives wedges between our families xx it sucks but I know your ready for him ☺ 💪 hang in there and I hope you enjoy your girl time xx much love diymum 💪 💕 ❤

    • #75199
       xxxxhelpxxxx 
      Participant

      Hi IWMB, he is driving a company car and I am driving his personal car. It is a pile of poo currently and it broke down yesterday!! Luckily I have a day off today and he is fixing it tonight. I need a car for my job. I could use my pushbike as a last resort but that is buried in the garage!

  • #75212
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    Hi, that’s good, at least you’re on the insurance then 😏
    Wow just think of the legs you’d have if you used the bike, and it would take you longer to do your work, so that alone will be an incentive to make sure he fixes the car properly. 😉 hope you’re doing okay, or at least the best you can. Love and light
    IWMB 💕💕

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