Blaming myself

[truekid]

Hey peeps 🙂 I’ve been in an abusive relationship for (detail removed by moderator) years. At least that’s what I’m trying to convince myself of and that’s what all my family and friends tell me. I survived it and in the meantime I’m in a relationship which is the exact opposite of what I experienced back then. I really couldn’t be any luckier. But now I’ve been struggling for some time with leaving the abusive relationship behind. I’m blaming myself for not ending the abusive relationship earlier cause I’m seeing how much better my life is now. I feel guilty towards myself that I just couldn’t finish it and leave earlier, that I lost so much time with this. I was basically isolated for (detail removed by moderator) years straight, didn’t go out, didn’t meet any new people, didn’t experience anything interesting. The thing is also, I’m really worried about that I made him behave like he did. That in fact it’s my fault he did what he was doing. That I triggered something. He always used to tell me that I am (detail removed by moderator). Although everyone else around me tells me the opposite, I’m so scared that his accusations and jealousy and controlling behavior were my fault. I’m not sure how to deal with this. And what is pulling me down most is knowing that I can’t relive those (detail removed by moderator) years without him.

[Darcy]

Hi beautiful angel… truekid,
I am so pleased to read that you are in a good place now
I think what you need to do is forgive the part of you that is stuck in the past and let her know that it was most definitely not her fault and it’s now OK for you to leave that part of you behind
I would say there is some kind of self saboteur in you that now you are happy doesn’t quite believe you should be and is trying to spoil it for you by bringing up all these thoughts of self blame
I did a lot of visulising with my ex … I would visulise myself now as a strong and powerful woman going into the house where my ex was abusing the old me … the new strong me would take the old me by the hand and lead her out of the house… my ex would be so shocked that he would not try and stop us… I would then tell my old self that I would take care of her and that things would be OK
Techniques like this can be very powerful … its about telling your younger self that they are forgiven and now they will be safe
Dont spend your future stuck in the past, especially when you have found something so good
I wish you every success
Sending you continued love and support
Darcy xx

[truekid]

Thank you so much for your support! The visualizing technique sounds amazing to me. I’m definitely going to try that. I’m struggling a lot these days. I know I am stuck somewhere in the past, but I just can’t get over it yet. So maybe this is going to help me.

[Darcy]

Its definitely worth trying … we all deserve to be happy whatever has gone before in our lives and once we have the tools and can recognise the triggers we can nip things in the bud quite easily before they take us over
The technique is like inner child healing, if you want to look into it further google inner child. It can be used for lots of situations where at the time you haven’t been strong enough to save yourself but now you have the power to
Keep moving forward my darling
D xx

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