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I always see such great books that people have in their posts so I thought maybe we could put them all here so is a quick reference for women. I’ll start by adding some of mine and those I’ve seen here. Hard to find them all though, tons of posts to go through for that. It could be a nice little library for us!
Breaking the Cycle of Abuse – Beverly Engel
Trauma Bonding – J.B. Snow
Why Does He Do That? – Lundy Bancroft
Living with the Dominator – Pat Craven
Perceptions and Projections – The Needless Drama: How to Finally Live Drama and Blame Free – Julie Upton
Healing From Hidden Abuse – Shannon Thomas
The Gaslighting Recovery Workbook – Amy Marlow-MaCoy
Emotional Vampires – Alan Bernstein
The No Contact Rule – Natalie Lue
How to Say No, The Scripts – Natalie Lue
When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal The Wounds of Witnessing Abuse – Lundy Bancroft
Healing the Trauma of Domestic Violence: A Workbook for Women – Mari McCaig & Dr. Edward S. Kubany
Dark Souls: Healing and Recovering From Toxic Relationships – Sara Strudwick
People of the Lie – Dr. Scott Peck
Codependent No More – Melody Beattie
Boundaries – Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
When Things Fall Apart: Advice For Difficult Times – Pema Chodron
The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are – Brene Brown
Men Who Hate Women & The Women Who Love Them – Dr. Susan Forward
Healing Your Aloneness: Finding Love and Wholeness Through Your Inner Child – Margaret Paul & Erika J. Chopich
The Battered Woman Syndrome – Lenore E.A. Walker
Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal With People Who Try to Control You – Patricia Evans
Breaking Toxic Soul Ties: Healing from Unhealthy and Controlling Relationships – Tom Brown
Guide on How to Leave Your Abusive Spouse Quickly and Safely Even If You Have No Money – Norva Semoy Abiona -
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You are sooo welcome my Sweet!! And please add something or keep pushing it up to the top so people can see it, okay?
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You’re welcome my little sweetheart! You………..deserve the Best and never forget that! We just need to keep bumping this one up so it remains front and center, even if you have nothing to add. Also, there is a site called “Lonerwolf” that is wonderful. Two young people who are like amazing creatures here on our planet. Shocked by how young they are and yet with such deep wisdom. They share straight from the hip which I personally love. Much of their stuff is for free which is wonderful. Anyways, we are here to hold you up, we really are. The more educated and healed you become, the more that little fire in you grows into a roaring one! I always tell people soooooo………what happens when you bring a little candle into a dark room? The candle penetrates the darkness and lights the room up. What happens when you bring a bit of darkness into a lit room and expose it to the light? It is destroyed by the light. Remember that one. Truth is Light. Knowledge is Light. One of the biggest reasons people use fear on us is because they don’t want us to get in touch with the real Power we have at our disposal. They keep us hobbled so we don’t know. But once you “know” you can’t unknow. It’s like giving me a magic sword and I use it and then go OMG! It’s powerful and then say………oh nooo, you can’t know that now! Can’t use it. Forget That one!!! Too bad, soo sad but Now I know and now I see the power I really do have!!! I’ll be using it thank you very much!
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“In Sheep’s Clothing” by Dr. George Simon. Good youtube is – Understanding & Dealing with Manipulative People | Dr. George Simon Interview
“See What you Made Me Do” by Jess Hill
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Another great youtube, a must see! Q&A: Brain damage after abuse | Learning to self-trust again | Narcs & their kids & more
Lover her, very easy to listen to, she explains so much…by Inner Integration.
“The Gift of Fear” by Gavin De Becker
“The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us” by Ross Rosenberg
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One more youtube from Inner Integration (Great Site btw) Hoovering | When the n********t comes back
Hoovering is when your abuser is trying to get you back…..the tactics they employ, etc.
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Get both!!!!
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Bumping this up to the top here. We have alot of new people posting so want to have tons of reading options for them! Here’s some I found in past posts by people…
No More Misbehaviour – Michele Borba; this book is very practical and down to earth for a huge range of behaviour problems.an excellent choice for mothers who have been abused and are struggling with the ways in which their children are acting out.
Nanny 911 youtubes are still great for parenting. Love these ladies!
Reviving Ophelia – Saving the Selves of Adult Girls – Mary Pipher
How to Mother a Successful Daughter – Nicky Marone
The Explosive Child – Ross Greene
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk – Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma – Bessel van der Kolk
My Mother/My Self: The Daughter’s Search for Identity – Nancy Friday
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This is good and needed wisdom!
Better By Mistake: The Unexpected Benefits of Being Wrong – Alina Tugend
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Another excellent one for those also dealing with child abuse and/or sexual abuse is – It Wasn’t Your Fault: Freeing Yourself of the Shame of Childhood Abuse with the Power of Self-Compassion – Beverly Engel L.M.F.T.
She wrote an article about it on Psychology Today called – Healing the Shame of Childhood Abuse Through Self-Compassion.
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Youtube: tea and consent (metropolitan police)
(I posted about another YouTube video…..I’ll have a look to see if I can find it)
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Toxic Parents by Susan Forward. Also on a more general note for those who have experienced childhood abuse/trauma I can recommend Reinventing Your Life by Jeffrey Young and Janet Klosko. It’s all about how early maladaptive schemas (which they call Lifetraps) can influence what we do and how we feel. A Lifetrap is a way of thinking and behaving that we might have had to adopt to deal with trauma but which is unhelpful and holds us back.
Also a bit off the wall but I really enjoyed Take Back Your Life by Janja Lalich and Madeleine Tobias. It’s about how to recover from having been in a cult, but I think there are a lot of similarities between cults and abusive relationships. I think also when mental health issues have intersected with abuse this kind of book can be really helpful. A lot of the paranoid kind of us and them thinking and unusual beliefs that some cult groups can have are similar I think to some of the beliefs of abusers who also have mental health issues.
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Excellent!! Thank you Starqueen! Regarding cult behavior and programming/mind control – they are absolutely synonymous to what goes on in abuse. Thus the reason why it’s so hard for people when they get out because of they literally have to deprogram their mind and most often they do need help with that. Afterall, their everything has been geared to the wants/desires/needs of another or maybe more than one other. Speaking of which when it is a family unit or group of anything that’s doing the abusing then it is much like a cult group who all admonish, abuse, punish in order to keep their target in line. I find this alot in churches sadly enough. Lots of bullying used on me because I always asked too many questions, was the rebel, held to my own thoughts. Overall, I didn’t come to heel well enough. LOL! Still don’t. I always figured if God gave me a brain then he expected me to use it, eh?
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Hi there Lottieblue – Here’s a good one for you! Gaslighting: Recognize Manipulative and Emotionally Abusive People–and Break Free – Stephanie Sarkis 🙂
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Thank you, no idea why my search didn’t work. Adding a couple I’ve just read, possibly a repeat.
“When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse”… a lot about emotional/psychological abuse. The Trauma Recovery Centre also has good resource suggestions for children, there’s a very good shorter one “The Simple Guide to Child Trauma: What It Is and How to Help” (Simple Guides) by Betsy de Thierry, the woman who set up TRC if the Lundy book is too big (it is quite thick but readable). Both on Amazon. -
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POWER: Surviving and Thriving after N**********c Abuse – Shahida Arabi
The Simple Guide to Attachment Difficulties in Children, What they Are and How to Help – Betsy De Thierry
The Simple Guide to Child Trauma, What it is and How to Help – Betsy de Thierry
I have read the Pat Craven Living with the Dominator book too.
I found all of these books really easy to read and understand and they have helped me to process some of my experiences and how to move forward.
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Awesome guys!! Thanks so much for the additions to our little library!
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Bumping this up!
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Really good website and this one article in particular – Thepullofgrace.com Article – Why I Stayed?
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One thing that is very important to study and know is a thing or two about con artists in general. One very good one to read up on is – cold reading. This site is excellent regarding that…
(detail removed by moderator) – look up cold reading techniques. Predators do cold reading and it’s quite natural to them.
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Getting Free: You Can End Abuse and Take Back Your Life (New Leaf) – Ginny NiCarthy
When Love Goes Wrong: What to Do When You Can’t Do Anything Right – Ann Jones and Susan Schechter
It’s My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence, 2nd Edition 2nd Edition
– Meg Kennedy Dugan, Roger R. HockThe Verbally Abusive Relationship – Patricia Evans
Into the Light: A Guide for Battered Women – Leslie A. Cantrell
Life Reinvented: A Guide to Healing From Sexual Trauma For Survivors and Loved Ones
– Erin Carpenter.International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies – hotpeachpages.net/
Abuse information in over 110 languages; and
Information on abuse help agencies for every country in the world. -
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The Body Keeps Score – Bessel A. van der Kolk, M.D.
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Hi Meadowside…..look at these….
The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing – Beverly Engel
Emotional Abuse: Break Free – Emotional Self Help, Emotional Healing, and Emotional Health (verbal abuse,emotional pain,emotional control,emotional recovery,emotional … relationships,emotional help) – Angel Greene……Read this book for FREE on Kindle Unlimited
The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond – Patricia Evans
The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life – Dr. Robin Stern
In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People – Dr. George K. Simon Ph.D.
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Out of the Fog – Dana Morningstar (she has great youtubes about domestic violence help, too) Find her at her site thriveafterabuse.
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In the Dream House: A Memoir – Carmen Maria Machado
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Hi, I thought In Sheep’s Clothing was very informative. I recently read ‘Healing from Hidden Abuse’ by Shannon Thomas which I found enormously helpful. It has a workbook section so you can write things down and really look at what is going on objectively. I found this invaluable.
Also, being able to work on your own responses and communication/emotional reaction is important. ‘Master your Emotions’ by Thibaut Meurisse, is such a good guide for how to start to take control over your own emotions to enable the emotional distancing you need when you are breaking free and starting to see abuse for what it really is.
How to Break Free of the Drama Triangle and Victim Consciousness which helped me also get some perspective and distance from my abuser and deal with him in a calm and controlled way.Word of caution: If you read on a device such as Kindle, make sure it is not synched with any other device that he can access.
Hope these help someone else to move on too. x*x And remember, read for pleasure and joy too. Nurture your mind through these hard times and give it some beauty and fantasy to escape to as well! xx
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https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/the-healing-journey-of-the-emotional-abuser/
Please click on link for a good read from an abuser.
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Bumping up for newbies.
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Covert Passive-Aggressive N********* by Debbie Mirz – especially Chapter 11 on S*x (we’re not allowed to use the n word on the forum as it is gives a label to them which could mean its a pathology and so not in control of their actions – but they are very much are in control which is why you are the only one who experiences his behaviour – you are not crazy!).
I promise this chapter will explain to you how you feel how you do about sleeping with him, and why he treats you in the way he does in the bedroom. It is amazing and eye opening and I urge you to listen/read it asap!
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Codependant no more – Melanie Beattie xx
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For those new to the site or just out and seeking practical guidance, Elizabeth Shaw’s Overcoming N**********c Abuse channel on You Tube and her own website is very informative. She provides free coaching tools you can sign up for, and advice on how to cope with minimal contact, parenting and preparing for court too. She is matter of fact and has direct experience that she shares. I also found Psychopaths and Love, Adele Birch so good because she lists lots of practical resources with links too.
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Bumping @Buddy
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@nbumblebee
THIS is the one I was looking for, loads of good recommendations. xx -
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Bumping for you @Brunette3
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Bumping for @ariel
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How to leave your psychopath, by Maddy Anholt.
It came out earlier this year and it changed my life. When Maddy describes some of the abusive incidents she had been through, I already knew what happened next before I read it, and that’s when it truly sunk in that I was being abused. I left my relationship shortly after.
Maddys also been on some great podcasts and is a Womens Aid ambassador.
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