26th April 2020 at 6:54 pm #101848Anonymous
I always see such great books that people have in their posts so I thought maybe we could put them all here so is a quick reference for women. I’ll start by adding some of mine and those I’ve seen here. Hard to find them all though, tons of posts to go through for that. It could be a nice little library for us!
Breaking the Cycle of Abuse – Beverly Engel
Trauma Bonding – J.B. Snow
Why Does He Do That? – Lundy Bancroft
Living with the Dominator – Pat Craven
Perceptions and Projections – The Needless Drama: How to Finally Live Drama and Blame Free – Julie Upton
Healing From Hidden Abuse – Shannon Thomas
The Gaslighting Recovery Workbook – Amy Marlow-MaCoy
Emotional Vampires – Alan Bernstein
The No Contact Rule – Natalie Lue
How to Say No, The Scripts – Natalie Lue
When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal The Wounds of Witnessing Abuse – Lundy Bancroft
Healing the Trauma of Domestic Violence: A Workbook for Women – Mari McCaig & Dr. Edward S. Kubany
Dark Souls: Healing and Recovering From Toxic Relationships – Sara Strudwick
People of the Lie – Dr. Scott Peck
Codependent No More – Melody Beattie
Boundaries – Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
When Things Fall Apart: Advice For Difficult Times – Pema Chodron
The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are – Brene Brown
Men Who Hate Women & The Women Who Love Them – Dr. Susan Forward
Healing Your Aloneness: Finding Love and Wholeness Through Your Inner Child – Margaret Paul & Erika J. Chopich
The Battered Woman Syndrome – Lenore E.A. Walker
Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal With People Who Try to Control You – Patricia Evans
Breaking Toxic Soul Ties: Healing from Unhealthy and Controlling Relationships – Tom Brown
Guide on How to Leave Your Abusive Spouse Quickly and Safely Even If You Have No Money – Norva Semoy Abiona
26th April 2020 at 7:21 pm #101850
This is fantastic. Thank you so much for putting this together for us. xx
26th April 2020 at 7:44 pm #101851Anonymous
You are sooo welcome my Sweet!! And please add something or keep pushing it up to the top so people can see it, okay?
27th April 2020 at 8:52 pm #101925TheydeservethebestParticipant
Sadly nothing to add but I’ve just read Living With the Dominator and was looking for other titles I’d seen mentioned on other posts. This is great thank you for posting x
27th April 2020 at 9:10 pm #101929Anonymous
You’re welcome my little sweetheart! You………..deserve the Best and never forget that! We just need to keep bumping this one up so it remains front and center, even if you have nothing to add. Also, there is a site called “Lonerwolf” that is wonderful. Two young people who are like amazing creatures here on our planet. Shocked by how young they are and yet with such deep wisdom. They share straight from the hip which I personally love. Much of their stuff is for free which is wonderful. Anyways, we are here to hold you up, we really are. The more educated and healed you become, the more that little fire in you grows into a roaring one! I always tell people soooooo………what happens when you bring a little candle into a dark room? The candle penetrates the darkness and lights the room up. What happens when you bring a bit of darkness into a lit room and expose it to the light? It is destroyed by the light. Remember that one. Truth is Light. Knowledge is Light. One of the biggest reasons people use fear on us is because they don’t want us to get in touch with the real Power we have at our disposal. They keep us hobbled so we don’t know. But once you “know” you can’t unknow. It’s like giving me a magic sword and I use it and then go OMG! It’s powerful and then say………oh nooo, you can’t know that now! Can’t use it. Forget That one!!! Too bad, soo sad but Now I know and now I see the power I really do have!!! I’ll be using it thank you very much!
28th April 2020 at 9:55 pm #102025
Wondering if KIP has any to add?
29th April 2020 at 5:10 pm #102085Anonymous
“In Sheep’s Clothing” by Dr. George Simon. Good youtube is – Understanding & Dealing with Manipulative People | Dr. George Simon Interview
“See What you Made Me Do” by Jess Hill
29th April 2020 at 5:28 pm #102086Anonymous
Another great youtube, a must see! Q&A: Brain damage after abuse | Learning to self-trust again | Narcs & their kids & more
Lover her, very easy to listen to, she explains so much…by Inner Integration.
“The Gift of Fear” by Gavin De Becker
“The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us” by Ross Rosenberg
29th April 2020 at 5:45 pm #102089Anonymous
One more youtube from Inner Integration (Great Site btw) Hoovering | When the n********t comes back
Hoovering is when your abuser is trying to get you back…..the tactics they employ, etc.
1st May 2020 at 9:08 pm #102251SungirlParticipant
Has anyone read ‘start Here-a crash course in understanding, navigating and healing from narcissistic abuse’ by Dana Morningstar? Looks good but also another one by her called ‘out of the fog’ that someone on here recommended. Just wondering which one to get, or maybe I’ll get them both!
2nd May 2020 at 1:28 am #102266Anonymous
11th May 2020 at 5:26 pm #103011Anonymous
Bumping this up to the top here. We have alot of new people posting so want to have tons of reading options for them! Here’s some I found in past posts by people…
No More Misbehaviour – Michele Borba; this book is very practical and down to earth for a huge range of behaviour problems.an excellent choice for mothers who have been abused and are struggling with the ways in which their children are acting out.
Nanny 911 youtubes are still great for parenting. Love these ladies!
Reviving Ophelia – Saving the Selves of Adult Girls – Mary Pipher
How to Mother a Successful Daughter – Nicky Marone
The Explosive Child – Ross Greene
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk – Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma – Bessel van der Kolk
My Mother/My Self: The Daughter’s Search for Identity – Nancy Friday
11th May 2020 at 5:48 pm #103013Anonymous
This is good and needed wisdom!
Better By Mistake: The Unexpected Benefits of Being Wrong – Alina Tugend
11th May 2020 at 6:12 pm #103017Anonymous
Another excellent one for those also dealing with child abuse and/or sexual abuse is – It Wasn’t Your Fault: Freeing Yourself of the Shame of Childhood Abuse with the Power of Self-Compassion – Beverly Engel L.M.F.T.
She wrote an article about it on Psychology Today called – Healing the Shame of Childhood Abuse Through Self-Compassion.
11th May 2020 at 10:00 pm #103040EscapeeParticipant
Youtube: tea and consent (metropolitan police)
(I posted about another YouTube video…..I’ll have a look to see if I can find it)
14th May 2020 at 10:13 am #103227starqueenParticipant
Toxic Parents by Susan Forward. Also on a more general note for those who have experienced childhood abuse/trauma I can recommend Reinventing Your Life by Jeffrey Young and Janet Klosko. It’s all about how early maladaptive schemas (which they call Lifetraps) can influence what we do and how we feel. A Lifetrap is a way of thinking and behaving that we might have had to adopt to deal with trauma but which is unhelpful and holds us back.
Also a bit off the wall but I really enjoyed Take Back Your Life by Janja Lalich and Madeleine Tobias. It’s about how to recover from having been in a cult, but I think there are a lot of similarities between cults and abusive relationships. I think also when mental health issues have intersected with abuse this kind of book can be really helpful. A lot of the paranoid kind of us and them thinking and unusual beliefs that some cult groups can have are similar I think to some of the beliefs of abusers who also have mental health issues.
14th May 2020 at 4:24 pm #103256Anonymous
Excellent!! Thank you Starqueen! Regarding cult behavior and programming/mind control – they are absolutely synonymous to what goes on in abuse. Thus the reason why it’s so hard for people when they get out because of they literally have to deprogram their mind and most often they do need help with that. Afterall, their everything has been geared to the wants/desires/needs of another or maybe more than one other. Speaking of which when it is a family unit or group of anything that’s doing the abusing then it is much like a cult group who all admonish, abuse, punish in order to keep their target in line. I find this alot in churches sadly enough. Lots of bullying used on me because I always asked too many questions, was the rebel, held to my own thoughts. Overall, I didn’t come to heel well enough. LOL! Still don’t. I always figured if God gave me a brain then he expected me to use it, eh?
14th May 2020 at 9:13 pm #103292JapanParticipant
The human magnet syndrome – the codependent narcissistic trap – Ross Rosenberg
I hope this helps 💕
15th May 2020 at 11:00 pm #103375LottieblueParticipant
Partly to bump the booklist, but partly also to ask whether anyone can particularly recommend any which deal particularly with gradual erosion of self esteem And gaslighting? I’ve read Living with the Dominator and Why does he do that?
16th May 2020 at 2:47 pm #103437Anonymous
Hi there Lottieblue – Here’s a good one for you! Gaslighting: Recognize Manipulative and Emotionally Abusive People–and Break Free – Stephanie Sarkis 🙂
16th May 2020 at 10:54 pm #103484LottieblueParticipant
Do you know all these books? Have you read them all?!
Thanks for the tip, will order now.
3rd June 2020 at 7:51 pm #105073HopeLifeJoyParticipant
Book list’s here Iliketea 📚😘
3rd June 2020 at 8:25 pm #105079
Thank you, no idea why my search didn’t work. Adding a couple I’ve just read, possibly a repeat.
“When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse”… a lot about emotional/psychological abuse. The Trauma Recovery Centre also has good resource suggestions for children, there’s a very good shorter one “The Simple Guide to Child Trauma: What It Is and How to Help” (Simple Guides) by Betsy de Thierry, the woman who set up TRC if the Lundy book is too big (it is quite thick but readable). Both on Amazon.
4th June 2020 at 1:57 am #105098ineedsomeadvisepleaseParticipant
Power – Shahida Arabi has been an amazing one. Loving this list. Thank you so much!!
8th June 2020 at 6:36 am #105464Soulsearcher18Participant
POWER: Surviving and Thriving after Narcissistic Abuse – Shahida Arabi
The Simple Guide to Attachment Difficulties in Children, What they Are and How to Help – Betsy De Thierry
The Simple Guide to Child Trauma, What it is and How to Help – Betsy de Thierry
I have read the Pat Craven Living with the Dominator book too.
I found all of these books really easy to read and understand and they have helped me to process some of my experiences and how to move forward.
8th June 2020 at 11:50 am #105485Anonymous
Awesome guys!! Thanks so much for the additions to our little library!
10th June 2020 at 12:07 am #105775Anonymous
Bumping this up!
10th June 2020 at 1:33 pm #105824
10th June 2020 at 5:34 pm #105863Anonymous
Really good website and this one article in particular – Thepullofgrace.com Article – Why I Stayed?
10th June 2020 at 10:47 pm #105889Anonymous
One thing that is very important to study and know is a thing or two about con artists in general. One very good one to read up on is – cold reading. This site is excellent regarding that…
(detail removed by moderator) – look up cold reading techniques. Predators do cold reading and it’s quite natural to them.
12th June 2020 at 11:36 am #106064Anonymous
Getting Free: You Can End Abuse and Take Back Your Life (New Leaf) – Ginny NiCarthy
When Love Goes Wrong: What to Do When You Can’t Do Anything Right – Ann Jones and Susan Schechter
It’s My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence, 2nd Edition 2nd Edition
– Meg Kennedy Dugan, Roger R. Hock
The Verbally Abusive Relationship – Patricia Evans
Into the Light: A Guide for Battered Women – Leslie A. Cantrell
Life Reinvented: A Guide to Healing From Sexual Trauma For Survivors and Loved Ones
– Erin Carpenter.
International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies – hotpeachpages.net/
Abuse information in over 110 languages; and
Information on abuse help agencies for every country in the world.
13th June 2020 at 11:48 am #106204
13th June 2020 at 5:19 pm #106239HazydayzParticipant
15th June 2020 at 5:37 pm #106444Anonymous
The Body Keeps Score – Bessel A. van der Kolk, M.D.
15th June 2020 at 10:48 pm #106471MeadowsideParticipant
Any suggestions as to which book to start with, I’ve only just joined and would like to read more about emotional abuse
15th June 2020 at 11:05 pm #106473Anonymous
Hi Meadowside…..look at these….
The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing – Beverly Engel
Emotional Abuse: Break Free – Emotional Self Help, Emotional Healing, and Emotional Health (verbal abuse,emotional pain,emotional control,emotional recovery,emotional … relationships,emotional help) – Angel Greene……Read this book for FREE on Kindle Unlimited
The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond – Patricia Evans
The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life – Dr. Robin Stern
In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People – Dr. George K. Simon Ph.D.
16th June 2020 at 8:01 am #106494Anonymous
Out of the Fog – Dana Morningstar (she has great youtubes about domestic violence help, too) Find her at her site thriveafterabuse.
19th June 2020 at 3:55 pm #106816Anonymous
In the Dream House: A Memoir – Carmen Maria Machado
20th June 2020 at 9:46 am #106905WiseafterParticipant
Hi, I thought In Sheep’s Clothing was very informative. I recently read ‘Healing from Hidden Abuse’ by Shannon Thomas which I found enormously helpful. It has a workbook section so you can write things down and really look at what is going on objectively. I found this invaluable.
Also, being able to work on your own responses and communication/emotional reaction is important. ‘Master your Emotions’ by Thibaut Meurisse, is such a good guide for how to start to take control over your own emotions to enable the emotional distancing you need when you are breaking free and starting to see abuse for what it really is.
How to Break Free of the Drama Triangle and Victim Consciousness which helped me also get some perspective and distance from my abuser and deal with him in a calm and controlled way.
Word of caution: If you read on a device such as Kindle, make sure it is not synched with any other device that he can access.
Hope these help someone else to move on too. x*x And remember, read for pleasure and joy too. Nurture your mind through these hard times and give it some beauty and fantasy to escape to as well! xx
21st June 2020 at 3:57 pm #107081
21st June 2020 at 10:31 pm #107160HazydayzParticipant
Another bump to help 💞
26th June 2020 at 9:24 pm #107666
A Friday night Bump.x
26th June 2020 at 9:37 pm #107667dustypinkParticipant
Lovesick: The Marilyn Syndrome
Great book with lots of practical advice how to quit, meditation techniques etc. Sorry if already on the list.
27th June 2020 at 9:09 am #107747Lucky13Participant
(link removed by Moderator)
This is a helpful read I thought.
Hope I’m allowed to copy and paste as this is first time posting.
28th June 2020 at 2:36 pm #107962BeautifuldayParticipant
I read Trauma Bonding by Lauren Kosliwski and highly recommend it for those who are attached to their abusers , she went through it herself and its highly informative
28th June 2020 at 2:53 pm #107965
Did someone say that “Healing from hidden abuse” was free somewhere?
28th June 2020 at 3:23 pm #107970
If you have audible you can get it with 1 credit, or I think sign up you get a free credit download it then cancel membership, no fee.
29th June 2020 at 12:52 pm #108115
30th June 2020 at 12:36 pm #108245littledoveParticipant
‘Becoming the N********t’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the N********t While Supplying Yourself” by Shahida Arabi
2nd July 2020 at 8:07 pm #108575Anonymous
Bumping up for newbies.
3rd July 2020 at 1:18 pm #108643DiverdiParticipant
The Mind of the Intimate Male Abuser: How He Gets into Her Head by Don Hennessey
I found this really interesting, He describes it as a process of being groomed, and how we are being targeted and manipulated right from the start.
3rd July 2020 at 3:49 pm #108673
Covert Passive-Aggressive N********* by Debbie Mirz – especially Chapter 11 on S*x (we’re not allowed to use the n word on the forum as it is gives a label to them which could mean its a pathology and so not in control of their actions – but they are very much are in control which is why you are the only one who experiences his behaviour – you are not crazy!).
I promise this chapter will explain to you how you feel how you do about sleeping with him, and why he treats you in the way he does in the bedroom. It is amazing and eye opening and I urge you to listen/read it asap!
15th July 2020 at 10:14 am #110000
Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships – Eric Berne
15th July 2020 at 2:55 pm #110029RedGiraffeParticipant
Has anyone read ‘How to help children through divorce the sandcastle way?’, if so was it helpful?
16th July 2020 at 11:50 pm #110192
17th July 2020 at 1:34 am #110203TurtledoveParticipant
Codependant no more – Melanie Beattie xx
17th July 2020 at 10:11 am #110219WiseafterParticipant
For those new to the site or just out and seeking practical guidance, Elizabeth Shaw’s Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse channel on You Tube and her own website is very informative. She provides free coaching tools you can sign up for, and advice on how to cope with minimal contact, parenting and preparing for court too. She is matter of fact and has direct experience that she shares. I also found Psychopaths and Love, Adele Birch so good because she lists lots of practical resources with links too.
23rd July 2020 at 9:25 am #110830
11th August 2020 at 1:32 pm #111888
11th August 2020 at 10:25 pm #111914WaterspriteParticipant
So many amazing suggestions already – thank you. Don’t know if these have been mentioned
Brene brown Book daring greatly and TED talks – living an authentic life
Carolyn Spring – good for dissociation childhood trauma shame
Out of the Fog and Why does he do that helped me
11th August 2020 at 11:04 pm #111917PurpleCloudParticipant
Thank you so much for this. It was only today I was thinking “I NEED to read some more books around this, I just have too” and I didn’t know where to start. Thank you so so much.
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