26th April 2020 at 6:54 pm #101848
I always see such great books that people have in their posts so I thought maybe we could put them all here so is a quick reference for women. I’ll start by adding some of mine and those I’ve seen here. Hard to find them all though, tons of posts to go through for that. It could be a nice little library for us!
Breaking the Cycle of Abuse – Beverly Engel
Trauma Bonding – J.B. Snow
Why Does He Do That? – Lundy Bancroft
Living with the Dominator – Pat Craven
Perceptions and Projections – The Needless Drama: How to Finally Live Drama and Blame Free – Julie Upton
Healing From Hidden Abuse – Shannon Thomas
The Gaslighting Recovery Workbook – Amy Marlow-MaCoy
Emotional Vampires – Alan Bernstein
The No Contact Rule – Natalie Lue
How to Say No, The Scripts – Natalie Lue
When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal The Wounds of Witnessing Abuse – Lundy Bancroft
Healing the Trauma of Domestic Violence: A Workbook for Women – Mari McCaig & Dr. Edward S. Kubany
Dark Souls: Healing and Recovering From Toxic Relationships – Sara Strudwick
People of the Lie – Dr. Scott Peck
Codependent No More – Melody Beattie
Boundaries – Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
When Things Fall Apart: Advice For Difficult Times – Pema Chodron
The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are – Brene Brown
Men Who Hate Women & The Women Who Love Them – Dr. Susan Forward
Healing Your Aloneness: Finding Love and Wholeness Through Your Inner Child – Margaret Paul & Erika J. Chopich
The Battered Woman Syndrome – Lenore E.A. Walker
Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal With People Who Try to Control You – Patricia Evans
Breaking Toxic Soul Ties: Healing from Unhealthy and Controlling Relationships – Tom Brown
Guide on How to Leave Your Abusive Spouse Quickly and Safely Even If You Have No Money – Norva Semoy Abiona
26th April 2020 at 7:21 pm #101850EggshellsParticipant
This is fantastic. Thank you so much for putting this together for us. xx
26th April 2020 at 7:44 pm #101851
You are sooo welcome my Sweet!! And please add something or keep pushing it up to the top so people can see it, okay?
27th April 2020 at 8:52 pm #101925TheydeservethebestParticipant
Sadly nothing to add but I’ve just read Living With the Dominator and was looking for other titles I’d seen mentioned on other posts. This is great thank you for posting x
27th April 2020 at 9:10 pm #101929
You’re welcome my little sweetheart! You………..deserve the Best and never forget that! We just need to keep bumping this one up so it remains front and center, even if you have nothing to add. Also, there is a site called “Lonerwolf” that is wonderful. Two young people who are like amazing creatures here on our planet. Shocked by how young they are and yet with such deep wisdom. They share straight from the hip which I personally love. Much of their stuff is for free which is wonderful. Anyways, we are here to hold you up, we really are. The more educated and healed you become, the more that little fire in you grows into a roaring one! I always tell people soooooo………what happens when you bring a little candle into a dark room? The candle penetrates the darkness and lights the room up. What happens when you bring a bit of darkness into a lit room and expose it to the light? It is destroyed by the light. Remember that one. Truth is Light. Knowledge is Light. One of the biggest reasons people use fear on us is because they don’t want us to get in touch with the real Power we have at our disposal. They keep us hobbled so we don’t know. But once you “know” you can’t unknow. It’s like giving me a magic sword and I use it and then go OMG! It’s powerful and then say………oh nooo, you can’t know that now! Can’t use it. Forget That one!!! Too bad, soo sad but Now I know and now I see the power I really do have!!! I’ll be using it thank you very much!
28th April 2020 at 9:55 pm #102025EggshellsParticipant
Wondering if KIP has any to add?
29th April 2020 at 5:10 pm #102085
“In Sheep’s Clothing” by Dr. George Simon. Good youtube is – Understanding & Dealing with Manipulative People | Dr. George Simon Interview
“See What you Made Me Do” by Jess Hill
29th April 2020 at 5:28 pm #102086
Another great youtube, a must see! Q&A: Brain damage after abuse | Learning to self-trust again | Narcs & their kids & more
Lover her, very easy to listen to, she explains so much…by Inner Integration.
“The Gift of Fear” by Gavin De Becker
“The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us” by Ross Rosenberg
29th April 2020 at 5:45 pm #102089
One more youtube from Inner Integration (Great Site btw) Hoovering | When the n********t comes back
Hoovering is when your abuser is trying to get you back…..the tactics they employ, etc.
1st May 2020 at 9:08 pm #102251SungirlParticipant
Has anyone read ‘start Here-a crash course in understanding, navigating and healing from narcissistic abuse’ by Dana Morningstar? Looks good but also another one by her called ‘out of the fog’ that someone on here recommended. Just wondering which one to get, or maybe I’ll get them both!
2nd May 2020 at 1:28 am #102266
11th May 2020 at 5:26 pm #103011
Bumping this up to the top here. We have alot of new people posting so want to have tons of reading options for them! Here’s some I found in past posts by people…
No More Misbehaviour – Michele Borba; this book is very practical and down to earth for a huge range of behaviour problems.an excellent choice for mothers who have been abused and are struggling with the ways in which their children are acting out.
Nanny 911 youtubes are still great for parenting. Love these ladies!
Reviving Ophelia – Saving the Selves of Adult Girls – Mary Pipher
How to Mother a Successful Daughter – Nicky Marone
The Explosive Child – Ross Greene
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk – Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma – Bessel van der Kolk
My Mother/My Self: The Daughter’s Search for Identity – Nancy Friday
11th May 2020 at 5:48 pm #103013
This is good and needed wisdom!
Better By Mistake: The Unexpected Benefits of Being Wrong – Alina Tugend
11th May 2020 at 6:12 pm #103017
Another excellent one for those also dealing with child abuse and/or sexual abuse is – It Wasn’t Your Fault: Freeing Yourself of the Shame of Childhood Abuse with the Power of Self-Compassion – Beverly Engel L.M.F.T.
She wrote an article about it on Psychology Today called – Healing the Shame of Childhood Abuse Through Self-Compassion.
11th May 2020 at 10:00 pm #103040EscapeeParticipant
Youtube: tea and consent (metropolitan police)
(I posted about another YouTube video…..I’ll have a look to see if I can find it)
14th May 2020 at 10:13 am #103227starqueenParticipant
Toxic Parents by Susan Forward. Also on a more general note for those who have experienced childhood abuse/trauma I can recommend Reinventing Your Life by Jeffrey Young and Janet Klosko. It’s all about how early maladaptive schemas (which they call Lifetraps) can influence what we do and how we feel. A Lifetrap is a way of thinking and behaving that we might have had to adopt to deal with trauma but which is unhelpful and holds us back.
Also a bit off the wall but I really enjoyed Take Back Your Life by Janja Lalich and Madeleine Tobias. It’s about how to recover from having been in a cult, but I think there are a lot of similarities between cults and abusive relationships. I think also when mental health issues have intersected with abuse this kind of book can be really helpful. A lot of the paranoid kind of us and them thinking and unusual beliefs that some cult groups can have are similar I think to some of the beliefs of abusers who also have mental health issues.
14th May 2020 at 4:24 pm #103256
Excellent!! Thank you Starqueen! Regarding cult behavior and programming/mind control – they are absolutely synonymous to what goes on in abuse. Thus the reason why it’s so hard for people when they get out because of they literally have to deprogram their mind and most often they do need help with that. Afterall, their everything has been geared to the wants/desires/needs of another or maybe more than one other. Speaking of which when it is a family unit or group of anything that’s doing the abusing then it is much like a cult group who all admonish, abuse, punish in order to keep their target in line. I find this alot in churches sadly enough. Lots of bullying used on me because I always asked too many questions, was the rebel, held to my own thoughts. Overall, I didn’t come to heel well enough. LOL! Still don’t. I always figured if God gave me a brain then he expected me to use it, eh?
14th May 2020 at 9:13 pm #103292JapanParticipant
The human magnet syndrome – the codependent narcissistic trap – Ross Rosenberg
I hope this helps 💕
15th May 2020 at 11:00 pm #103375LottieblueParticipant
Partly to bump the booklist, but partly also to ask whether anyone can particularly recommend any which deal particularly with gradual erosion of self esteem And gaslighting? I’ve read Living with the Dominator and Why does he do that?
16th May 2020 at 2:47 pm #103437
Hi there Lottieblue – Here’s a good one for you! Gaslighting: Recognize Manipulative and Emotionally Abusive People–and Break Free – Stephanie Sarkis 🙂
16th May 2020 at 10:54 pm #103484LottieblueParticipant
Do you know all these books? Have you read them all?!
Thanks for the tip, will order now.
3rd June 2020 at 7:51 pm #105073HopeLifeJoyParticipant
Book list’s here Iliketea 📚😘
3rd June 2020 at 8:25 pm #105079iliketeaParticipant
Thank you, no idea why my search didn’t work. Adding a couple I’ve just read, possibly a repeat.
“When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse”… a lot about emotional/psychological abuse. The Trauma Recovery Centre also has good resource suggestions for children, there’s a very good shorter one “The Simple Guide to Child Trauma: What It Is and How to Help” (Simple Guides) by Betsy de Thierry, the woman who set up TRC if the Lundy book is too big (it is quite thick but readable). Both on Amazon.
4th June 2020 at 1:57 am #105098ineedsomeadvisepleaseParticipant
Power – Shahida Arabi has been an amazing one. Loving this list. Thank you so much!!
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