- This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 9 months ago by
iwillbeok.
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12th May 2017 at 1:57 am #42403
lilaclady
ParticipantMy partner knows I have been reading books about emotional and verbal abuse and according to him I am just “self medicating” by reading these books and going on to google. Any excuse to not make it be abuse. Have to say of ALL the things he has said this is by far the most ridiculous!
Also while we are on books… just wanted to ask if anyone has read the Patricia Evans book “The Verbally Abusive Man; Can he Change?” in it she talks about making an agreement to get him to sign etc has anyone actually done this or come across it?
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12th May 2017 at 9:39 am #42417
Anonymous
InactiveI did exactly what you have done but had to do it in secret, had he have found out back then I dread to think! I begged & begged him to go to the doctors as he had an anger problem which he completely denied!! The best thing I ever read was The dominator by Pat Craven. Also womens aid have a questionnaire on their forum & there’s the helpline. The other good read is Hidden hurt. If you are living in fear of him & doubting yourself, having to tread in eggshells 24/7, if he denies being controlling, having the upper hand by doing anything that involves using fear tactics to get you to comply, then it is abuse. Even yelling, scoldings, rantings, name calling (I used to be called Woman! & worse. I think that is a common thing they call us C**** etc. They are masters of disguise. I read too about the power to change, I believe it is possible but in my case he no way could have made that change. He abused others and I’ve never been so scared in all my life. I would say read, read & read some more, but don’t tell him, learn about red flags, the cycle of abuse etc it is an eye opener to say the least. Please though don’t live in fear, please get help, only you know what you are having to deal with and only you can decide xx
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12th May 2017 at 9:58 pm #42451
iwillbeok
ParticipantI am reading Lundy Bancroft’s book and am stunned at how much he describes my abuser, our relationship and the effect on my and our kids emotional state!
I had been in such a numb state/falling ‘out of love’ with him for some time before things escalated into sexual abuse at the end that I could care less if he wants a 2nd chance/wants to/ can change. He broke my trust in the most traumatizing way – he can go to hell.
Sorry – I’ve been out for a lovely evening with friends and a few wines. I’m done. Done with thinking about how he’s doing, what he’s thinking, worrying about him. I no longer care – he didn’t care for me…
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