Viewing 6 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #43006
      bunsandcakes
      Participant

      Hi all,

      Ive had my second breakdown since leaving. Its absolutely horrific. I feel so anxious constantly, sick, panic, thoughts of death (but wouldnt do anything). I just want to be well for my kids. I have support from my family who have been amazing but I am just such a wreck and want it to pass. Im scared that if I get help people will take my kids away which would be the absolute worst thing in the world. I want to recover but I just cant pick myself up again atm.

      Any advice? Ive been to the GP who gave me some medication but I am already taking the max that I can and its not helping.

    • #43007
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hey there. Take some deep breaths. What you are experiencing is the aftermath of trauma and abuse. It’s perfectly normal. What saved me was finding a private therapist with lots of experience of long term sexual, mental, physical and emotional abuse. I went to my GP after the local NHS psychological services totally let me down. My GP told me that the help I needed was not available on the NHS and she recommended a private specialist who absolutely turned things around. It was very expensive but I found the money because without this help I knew I wouldn’t get through. My advice at this stage would be to go back to your GP and tell her what I told mine. Get a private referral and the help you need and deserve. Admitting you have been abused, asking for help to recover from the trauma you suffered is not a weakness. It takes strength to admit you need help and most people do need help after being abused. Hang in there x

    • #43036
      mummy
      Participant

      I feel where you are coming from after my first abusive relationship I thought I would never survive and that there was no point ro living but I worked through it for my kids completed the freedom programme and did some one to one councilling also was on meds from the doctor for depression, thought I was getting there until I met another abusive man I have not left this cycle and have gone from one to another nightmares haunt me and I am panicky all the time so I get why u feel the way u do. Hang in there and seek all the help available to u it can help u onto the right path to recovery. X

    • #43710
      bunsandcakes
      Participant

      Thank you for these good tips. I don’t understand how I coped with finding somewhere to go, going to freedom program, leaving, surviving and was fine and then months down the line I am like I am now. Im recovering from an unwanted pregnancy which I think has messed me up hormonally but I am angry at myself that I cant just get on with life and feel good about things. Its like I cant feel enjoyment properly. I have a glimmer of feeling like ‘the sun is nice on my face’ then I am conciously thinking about the fact I had a good thought then I am worrying about feeling bad then I am feeling bad! Ive had CBT before and it did help and I am meeting someone on Friday to discuss getting some more and some more councilling too. I am also going to see a proper clinical psychiatrist to discuss my medicine and review how to proceed so I have plans in place but for now it feels like the ground in moving under my feet and I am just dizzy and lost and terribly lonely.

    • #43715
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hey buns, don’t be angry with yourself. We are very hard on ourselves when we should be showing ourselves compassion. When I hear that voice in my head being negative I now turn it round and praise myself for the little things that I did manage to do. Well done for getting out the front door today etc. Never underestimate what trauma you have been through. I paid for a wonderful clinical psychologist who told me it can take 10 years for the physical symptoms to leave our bodies and minds. I’m not saying it will take that long but that’s how deep these wounds can go. I also used to get terrible anxiety when I began to feel happy, I think that stems from my ex abusing me when he saw me happy. He just couldn’t stand to see me happy. So with the feelings of happiness came the eggshells again. It will eventually pass and you will get that warm happy feeling and the sun will stay on your face and you will enjoy every sensation that brings. You deserve it. Hang in there. Baby steps x

    • #43716
      SunshineRainflower
      Participant

      Hi Bunsandcakes (love your name by the way!)

      Sorry to hear how rough you are feeling at the moment. It’s totally normal to go through a complete rollercoaster during recovery, as I am finding myself.

      It’s really positive that you have some meetings booked in with a counsellor and psychiatrist and have spoken t your GP. I would definitely imagine that your unwanted pregnancy has triggered and created more pain for you, since we are already in a weakened state from the trauma of abuse any on top of that can feel unbearable.

      If you can just focus on today that should help. Don’t worry about how you’ll get through, just take it each day at a time. Like you said you did amazingly well before when you left and did the freedom programme but aren’t even sure how you managed. We are a lot stronger than we give ourselves credit for. Is there something you can do today that would make you feel better, going for a walk, having a bath that type of thing? Sending you a big hug.

    • #43985
      bunsandcakes
      Participant

      Thanks guys, sorry to keep popping back on here like the gloom merchant! I just wanted to update that I had seen the psychiatrist who has given me some new antidepressants to try on top of my normal ones. I have also signed up for counselling which should start soon and as a volunteer in a (detail removed by Moderator) which is once a week and should help me just stay distracted. My parents have been amazing, I feel very lucky but(detail removed by Moderator) it feels like Im still treading water. Seeing my ex twice weekly for kid exchange is painful and watching my ‘dream home’ be sold has been awful. I know its just bricks but everything feels so uncertain again. I just want PEACE!

Viewing 6 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ JobsAccessibility Guide

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content