Breaking Trauma Bonds

[WantingToRemainASurvivor]

I am struggling today. I have no access to a phone and at same time am suffering from agoraphobia where I cannot leave the house

I have been through 3 domestic abuse relationships and suffered every form of abuse

It’s stared with mental abuse from my mother as a child

Really struggling today to see the light

To leave the house

I’m in comatose state just trying to not crack

No I don’t have family

I feel,exhausted explaining my situation to people

I have lost my children due to being In abusive relationships

I need some positive reinforcement in my head I need some nome toxic people I need to feel free

I want to stop being connected with trauma bonds which o have heard of but need to explore

I used to vent on Facebook

I am hoping this will be a less hostile and more empathetic audience

[Twisted Sister]

Hello WantingToRemainASurvivor

welcome here and sorry that you experienced hostility from reaching out elsewhere. Here is non-judgemental and supportive, so do ask anything you need to.

Are you currently with an abuser or now away and trying to recover? The trauma bonds you have are the result of being continually abused and the repeated cycles of abuse that make you cling to your abuser as also being your rescuer, the one that can make it all better, which of course isn’t true, but thats how it feels.

That you love this one person and they will stop abusing you, they don’t though, we just keep believing they will, but its super unlikely that they stop, even when they want to and get help, they don’t.

Stockholm Syndrome is another label for it. You deserve better, to have a life free of abuse. What likely help do you have? Do you see your GP alone? Sending you strength for your difficult day, and do keep posting for support andunderstanding.

warmest wishes

ts

[WantingToRemainASurvivor]

Thank you that makes sense it started with my mother that’s probably how I have developed Stockholm mentality

Today I have no access to a telephone it broke (detail removed by Moderator) so am really struggling I cannot leave the house due to agoraphobia and cannot ring anyone cos I have no phone my finances are limited

I am feeling very isolated and trapped and thoughts just stuck in head

The relationship ended (detail removed by Moderator) so it’s good in one way I do T have the phone cos neither I can contact them and they can’t contact me but also means I can’t ring my GP

I’m stuck in a momentary emotional trauma shut down burn out rut just stuck I don’t know how or
when I will snap out of it

[Twisted Sister]

writing it out here is a very good start to breaking the circling thoughts and opening yourself up to the discussion around abuse and what its been doing to you.

Its horrific that you have reached out on somewhere like facebook and the abuse continued on there to you. You can be sure here that is not how it works. There are many women’s voices here that will understand how you’re feeling and what you’ve been through.

Its still very early days for you, and the first bit can be the hardest to get through, actually cutting through those attachments you feel. This will automatically happen providing you maintain a no contact policy. Like any addiction, cold turkey is the way to go, a complete severing of any and all ties.

…but whilst you go through this, make sure you do lots to look after yourself, start looking after your needs, working out what you need, what feels good for you, what you like to do, and do lot and lots of whatever you enjoy, it will help hugely to centre yourself, instead of others. Take what you need and build up your strength, with our support, and the support of anyone else you can find.

Do you have any DA service support?

You have done the biggest part in being separate from him, but now its all about working out perhaps even who you are, because you can lose yourself after years of abuse, and not even know what you want anymore. This is your task now, to take care of you, to be patient with yourself whilst you start to heal.

warmest wishes

ts

[WantingToRemainASurvivor]

Thank you I need to process it all before I just go cold turkey cut off and move on that’s the bit I’m struggling with and that’s why I end up in the same cycle

I do intend to go cold turkey but going cold turkey and just moving on is something I’ve tried and failed at many times

There’s a bit in between I don’t know what it is or what it’s called or why that is there before I can truly move on from all my past

[Twisted Sister]

take these early days just one step at a time, baby steps. Try to focus on yourself and all the lovely things you enjoy. Stuff you like to read, listen to, watch.

..and keep talking about that ‘bit in between’, as to what it feels like, and how you feel it would improve, what could help.

[Author]

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