Bringing up boys the right way

[Serenity]

I am so terrified of my sons taking after their dad. It’s a challenge to try to make them empathetic and kind individuals. Also, I am worried about them becoming victims, and wish to teach them how to stand up for themselves.

My eldest was very rude yesterday morning, and to my mind was trying to dominate me and showing perp behaviour. I stood my ground, but all day I was quite upset and anxious about it. He had been in denial when I was trying to explain why he couldn’t do something, refusing to hear reason and projecting on to me.

I returned home that evening to be met with a huge hug from him and he explained- in his own words- what he felt he had done wrong in the morning, and how he could have handled it better. At the same time, he continued to stand up for something he believed in.

It was a novelty and a relief to hear this, someone accepting that they had been rude to me! My ex always gas lighted! Yet I was glad that my son felt able to stick by his guns too, on a certain level. It showed an emotional maturity, I felt. My ex was too emotionally immature to ever accept responsibility or accept others’ opinions.

I hope that this is evidence that I am raising boys who are neither victim nor abuser. It will be a long haul, raising these boys, and I am sure that there will be difficult moments, but it’s times like this that it makes it all seem worth it. Both my kids seem more emotionally mature than their father! x

[Falling Skys]

Hi

At least they don’t have constant contact with their father so they will be seeing the normal way to behave around women.

Sadly my son is as abusive as his father. But he his has contact all the time with him.

I would say that as your son apologised with out prompting it shows a very big positive. My son would never apologise because like his father he’s never in the wrong.

Also growing up isn’t easy lots of raging emotion.

FS xx

[Peaceful Pig]

I’m so pleased to read this Serenity! I knew you were doing better than you thought you were. Having you leading the way, role modelling being a kind, responsible parent will be making all the difference to them. My children continue to suffer anxiety from their dads emotional nonsense and trying to divide and rule them, but luckily they are with me enough that the impact is mitigated somewhat. Although mine are younger than yours they are also miles more kind, mature and responsible than their dad will ever be! Xx

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