Broken

[Lovelivelaugh]

It’s getting more and more difficult and I’m really struggling. Struggling to sleep, struggling to eat, feeling anxious all the time, nervous. No one knows anything I’m hiding it from my whole family..

we’ve got a child together, he’s the most amazing happy toddler but I feel so guilty that I am allowing him to live in such an awful environment..

I left him (detail removed by moderator) together with my son, it completely broke his ego and he went mad. I told my family some things that happened but not the whole story. My family lives abroad, I’ve got no one here in Uk. I came back with my son as I felt so guilty that my son won’t have dad, our broke our family, broke him.. and honestly I was hoping he realized how much he missed us and will want to change and fix things. I came back, lost my job because of covid. So getting a place to live was impossible.. council house waiting list is never ending, private rent impossible without job. I asked him for a help and he agreed to get on the contract with me so I could rent privately. Found a lovely house and they accepted the offer. (Detail removed by moderator) live with me again (he said we’re not getting back together, (detail removed by moderator), our son will see both parents equally it will benefit him). Of course I agreed, it saved me thousands of pounds (furniture, moving, needed to get a car on top of that etc) so I agreed.

We moved back few days were nice and we were getting along. Then first problem, then silence for several days then calm.. quite happy moments. He apologized and said he was mean to me.

It was going quite good, no issues our son was son happy. Then we ended up having sex.. and again. Then he had massive argument with me, calling me names saying how much he doesn’t care and never did etc again days with no communication.

I got my own car, found part time job. Again there was a nice period where I was falling in love again.. or maybe I was falling in love with my old dream / illusion of having family together. We were laughing, joking, kisses, sex.. it felt good. But then I brought up his girlfriend (while we were separated (detail removed by moderator) living at my family’s house he was with some girl) and that was a huge mistake. I also said I do think he’s having some mental health issues. Again big mistake. This time he’s absolutely out of control, he (detail removed by moderator)  in my face, he threw other things on me while our son next to us sitting not knowing what’s going on.. he’s shouting, calling me (detail removed by moderator). Said he never loved me and never wanted me back. He said I ruined everything and he hates me. He’s got so much anger and hate towards me as it’s killing me.. I have very dark thoughts now. Feeling like walking zombie, I’m exhausted emotionally and physically.

He said I have (detail removed by moderator) to leave. I have nowhere to go.. he said he’ll kick me on the street.. he’d keep our son (detail removed by moderator) . The house we live in is his (detail removed by moderator) and he’s paying rent to him. I said I want to talk to (detail removed by moderator) as he’s the landlord and discuss this as I can’t move out.. I told him why he can’t find a different place to live if he’s do desperate to be without us. He’s got family nearby, he’s got friends, possibly that girlfriend.. why it has to be and my son going through this again. He said if I ever go behind his back and talk to (detail removed by moderator) my family home and burn it down. He said if I try to kick him out the house he’ll never want to have any relationship with our son, we will be dead to him.

I’ve got only part time job .. all private landlords want full time employed, deposits, guarantor or your earnings needs to be 2x or 3x higher that the yearly rent or something like that’.. we live in a poor part of the country, before we moved back with him I was going for viewings and everyone was asking you’re full time employed, you’ll need proof of your earnings etc it was impossible to get anything as single mother.. council housing wasn’t huge success either. So many applicants, so many desperate people. They told its gonna be a very long wait….

Then we moved back in and I thought what a relief, don’t have to go through this and here we are again.
What do I do .. I’m lost. I don’t even have energy to deal with this. I’m so tired, don’t have a minute without my active son.. don’t have anyone and constant daily abuse. (Detail removed by moderator) when I left to go to work he threw something at me while I was walking away.. I nearly broke down at work.

He said I should be very thankful cause now he’s giving me till (detail removed by moderator). What options do I have? Why he can’t just find a place for himself and live his happy life..? He’s got stable job, income. What kind of house I’ll find with low income part tim job and baby ? I am honestly at my wits end.

[KIP.]

Please call your local women’s aid. You can also report him to the police and ask for him to be removed from the property. You can obtain a non molestation order too but you need support and your local women’s aid can help. They Can also help with a refuge place or temporary housing. The threats he’s making are illegal and dangerous. You’re exhausted because of the abuse. Ring thE national domestic abuse helpline too. It’s 24/7. I’d also let your manager at work know what’s going on. Landlords also have a duty to help in domestic abuse so hopefully he will do the right thing and remove your partner from the property. You can also speak to a solicitor. Most offer a free half hour session to find out what your rights are. What your partner has to pay you in maintaining you and your/his child. He’s using threats that are very common from abusers. Abusers are liars.

[Lovelivelaugh]

Thank you for your response. I really need to speak to someone.. I’ll try to call the women’s Aid helpline. It’s just so frustrating, he’s taking all my energy and then I hAve to look after our son non stop., I feel so run down, don’t feel any joy (except for my son, he’s the only one that keeps me going). I feel like it’s never gonna end.. even if I move across the world like he’s saying I should do now, he’ll blAme me for that. He’ll blame me if I stay, if I go.,i really struggling now… constant headaches and so much anxiety. Need to talk to someone

[KIP.]

Please keep trying the National domestic abuse helpline. You describe how I was years ago with my young son. I wish I’d left years ago but I knew nothing about domestic abuse. I stayed and he destroyed both our lives. Don’t make my mistake. There is lots of help out there. Work on a secret safe exit plan. They do exhaust us deliberately so we have no energy left to fight or escape x

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