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    • #118244
      Distraught
      Participant

      I’ve finally left him, it’s only been a short amount of time. I cry daily but today is hard. I feel used and I feel like he didn’t really love me. At first he was so lovely, loving and supportive. I’m starting to wonder if I’m in the wrong. I know I’m not but maybe I contributed towards him being like that with me. Maybe I was too needy. He has ripped my heart apart. Will he be feeling as upset and missing me? The funny thing is I don’t miss him, I just feel like being with him was a lie and his love for me was none existent. Talking to certain people don’t help especially his family. They almost make excuses for him. That’s what started my bad day.

    • #118247
      KIP.
      Participant

      This is the hardest part, it’s like breaking a drug addiction and that means having nothing to do with him or his family spot really anyone who isn’t supportive of you. I had to cut ties with lots of people. It was the only way I could get through the fog. Abusers are liars and manipulators. You know the truth of what he did to you. Think of that truth as a rock in a choppy sea and you hang onto that rock not matter what anyone else says. Those waves of doubt may try to knock you off but you’re strong enough to hold onto that truth. Read healing from hidden abuse, there’s a healing and grieving phase we need to go through. It’s painful and exhausting. The only thing he will be missing is the high he gets from abusing you. The power and happiness he gets from knowing how much he can hurt you when he chooses. Abusers only want to get close enough to us to hit us again. If not physically then mentally. Just know that this is a process and you won’t always feel this way. This too shall pass x

    • #118248
      butterfly2021
      Participant

      good advice KIP …. and you broken and distraught need to be strong and free now x you have to go through this bit just to realise that you are worth so much more x try to reach out to those who can help not listen to those who cant, everyone will see a different picture but your pain is the one that matters now and you need to heal and be thinking you have changed your life for the better no matter what.His family may not see things through your eyes right now, but one day they will and you just need to surround yourself with as much love and strength which says im worth more than this.. thats it simple and clear.. you never need to be worrying that is the wrong way to think.. try to not doubt yourself and believe you have taken control finally and can be the person you want to x*x lots of love and hugs x

    • #118420
      Distraught
      Participant

      Thanks for your support. Today is another bad day. My kids are at their dads so I have nothing to occupy me. I want to message him and say that if he had treated me tight I would have been happy and we could of all been a family. Since splitting, the only messages I’ve had from him are verbally abusive and hurtful. I just want this pain to stop.

    • #118421
      KIP.
      Participant

      When you’re going through hell, keep going. Messaging him won’t help. He will simply stomp on your heart again. Please remember abusers only want to get close enough to us to slap us again. Verbally or physically. It’s a painful withdrawal and when all our time has been spent on them, there this void that’s hard to fill. Try grabbing the duvet with pillows and a movie. Hug the pillows, it’s a comfort. This too shall pass. Loving him won’t stop him hurting you again. Contacting him will only give him power and drain and confuse you further. I know how you feel. I’ve been there and you won’t always feel this way x

    • #118423
      Hetty
      Participant

      Hi distraught, I can honestly say I’ve had the worst few days of my life. I left my ex a short while ago. I had a massive row with my mother the other day (we’ve never been close) and I’m dealing with a bereavement of a very close relative. I wanted nothing more to run back to the arms of my ex but for what? More abuse. Stay strong. Kip’s right – the only way out is through. Small steps, crawl if you have to, but keep going. Instead of messaging why not write all your thoughts on some paper, all the things you’d like to say, then get rid of it. I had to speak to my gp for some additional support. Reach out if you need to. Try and occupy your mind. I’ve started painting some furniture. I’ve also been on walks. It’s amazing how fresh air helps. I’m so sorry you’re feeling such pain. You’re not alone x

    • #118447
      Distraught
      Participant

      Thanks Hetty, I am feeling a bit better now but that’s my day full of ups and downs. I am realising there is no way back and I spoke to his mum. She said he will never change and that I shouldn’t be upset. I actually hate men right now. I think I definitely need a hobby to occupy me and make me feel better.

    • #118448
      Hetty
      Participant

      I’m glad you’re feeling better. I’m glad his mum was able to confirm what you know – he will never change. Better days will come xx

    • #119368
      Distraught
      Participant

      Thanks Hetty

      Oh my gosh, another week has passed with no contact from him. It’s crazy how different I feel. I don’t think about him all day long anymore. I don’t lay in bed crying all day. I no longer struggle to do things. In fact I have started to do things myself like painting and odd jobs. Things I would never do if he was here. I feel more motivated already and am starting to feel I don’t need a man for anything. A few weeks ago I never thought this day would come. I’m happier, the kid’s are happier and I have a lot more time for the kids. Onwards and upwards hopefully.

    • #119371
      Hetty
      Participant

      I’m glad you’re feeling better. Darks days always pass. This is your road to recovery. Onwards and upwards ❤️

    • #119543
      HopeLifeJoy
      Participant

      That’s great to hear, enjoy your freedom 🙂 💪 💕

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