Broken up for months but he just won't accept it

[equinoxal]

I wasn’t sure whether to put this in this forum or “life after an abusive relationship”, because a few months ago I finally severed all ties with him, but he has literally not for a moment accepted it and continues to contact and harass me everyday…

For the most part being ‘out’ has started to feel great…I’ll never take freedom for granted again…but he is constantly a presence that I can’t get rid of. It’s just like having a dark cloud that follows me around everywhere.

Everyday he sends me dozens and dozens of emails- they’re mostly abusive and they say absolutely despicable things in them. Like truly psychotic and horrible things. It’s just insane though, half of the emails will be saying how he wishes I was dead and threatening me and the other are him asking for us to work it out and reminiscing happy times between us. What?! Who does that!?!? The email account provider he’s messaging me on doesn’t allow you to block people from contacting you, which is effing ridiculous, it just sends their emails to a trash folder but they’re still there. So I’ve had to use a new email address and stop using that one. Whenever I check my old one though from time to time, I have about 100 unopened messages from him (which I have stopped opening).

Obviously it goes without saying that I’ve blocked him on mobile. Not only that but I’ve had to block his family members too because he would text me on their phones so I would reply! But he keeps making new numbers/email accounts, I block them every time they pop up but he says that he’s going to continue to make these new accounts until I talk to him.

It’s just not f*cking fair, I’m trying to move on and live my life and I have to deal with this craziness from him. Why though, why can’t they ever accept it’s over?!!? We broke up months ago and he still thinks we’re together. I’ve told him maybe 50 times that it’s over. You would think someone would get the message when they block you and ignore all of your messages. Why would he think i would want to be with him after the disgusting things he said to me in the emails? I think he is literally insane and I can’t deal with it, I don’t know what to do. It’s been months and nothing has changed from his end, he’s still messaging me.

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi there,

My ex did the same although the frequency was much less than what you are getting, and I was able to get the police to issue him with a harassment warning so that if he tries to contact me now he could get arrested.

Like you it was making it so hard to heal and he was opening up new accounts after I blocked the first ones. It’s called Hoovering, they try to suck you back in, but don’t believe a word they say, none of it is genuine, it’s just a variety of manipulation tactics to get you to break no contact depending on what they think will work. A lot of abusers hoover once the victim escapes, they declare undying love etc whilst lining other women up. I have even read about very sad stories where the abuser declared undying love, the woman re-established contact and then he killed her. Be very wary of it and do not answer anything he sends.

I would recommend going to the police with print outs, screen shots etc of all of the evidence of the calls, texts, messages etc. That’s what I did, it got logged, he got issued with the warning and I’ve not heard from him since, it was the best thing I did, and was the only way to get him out of my head and start to heal.

[Dragonfly]

Report to the police. This is harassment and possibly stalking. You must feel threatened by the content.

[Alicenotichains]

Hi,

This is definitely stalking, phone the National Stalking helpline or Paladin (who are a high risk stalking advocacy service) and get some advice. They give out the best advice and can provide you with some support. You should also call the police. You can show them the emails and prove he is stalking you. He could escalate this into something else so you need to take it really seriously before that happens.
My ex has not accepted the end of our relationship and I have had to shut down my social media and change numbers. It’s not nice- it’s yet another boundary violation as what they should really do is respect what we have decided and go away and leave us alone. Instead they choose to keep harassing us- proving again that we have made the right decision!

Xx

[KIP.]

Ring 101 and ask to speak the domestic abuse unit and get some advice about them warning him off. Don’t ever be alone with him again. I took my ex back and it was only a matter of time before I got punished big time. Stay well away x

[Lisa]

Hi equinoxal,

I just want to show you some support. I am sorry for your situation and pleased that you have had some good advice. You are doing everything right and it is so frustrating that he continues to harass you and harassment is what it is. You have asked him multiple times to stop and he is continuing so I think that actually the Police are a good route as is possibly a non harassment order which would prevent him from contacting you at all. Please try the helpline and your local Women’s Aid group for some help too. Should you decide to contact the Police please just call 101 or pop in to your local station and they will help guide you.

We are all here for you so please keep posting to let us know how you are getting on.

Best wishes,

Lisa
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