6th March 2016 at 7:49 am #11024PurpleParticipant
Im new to the forum and have been reading through some of your posts. Its amazing how similar some aspects of alot of your experiences are to my own. Which brings me some comfort that i’m not alone in this and that it’s normal for it still to have an effect on me (removed by moderator) on!
I have a real urge at the moment to understand and deal with what i went through, i want to ring the helpline to get some further advice and hopefully pointed in the direction of some counselling. But i dont quite feel ready to talk about it. I wondered if any of you could recommend a good book that i could read to help me move forward?
I have had a look on amazon and came accross; ‘Its my life now’ by meg kennedy duggan. Has anyone read this? Grateful for any advice before i purchase xx
6th March 2016 at 8:19 am #11025lover of no contactParticipant
Hi Purple and welcome,
You will really find great strength from this Forum and your sharing of your experiences and feelings will really help us, and our sharing of our tips for dealing with abusers will empower you. Because abusers are cunning, and abuse is confusing and abusers prey on our good qualities, our trust, our compassion, our normal capacity to feel guilt. They do the damage (undercover of course) and then blame (and get others to as well)us!! In other words they ‘mess’ with our reality. They mess with our minds. They mess with our emotions. And to top it all, they are lazy so we end up overworked, underpaid and exhausted.
Phew, all us ladies on here on sooo strong to have survived so far. And some of us (me included) were reared by an abuser, such a lot of healing to do but this Forum is great for clearing the mind.
Knowledge is Power, you are right about reading the ‘right’ books on abuse. A brilliant book is by Lundy Bancroft’Why does he do that. Getting inside the minds of angry and controlling men’ and ‘Jerk Radar’ by Stephen Mc Crea. Both these guys are experts on the nature of abuse and the entitled, selfish mindset of the abuser. Another one I still need to read is ‘Living with the Dominator’ by Pat Craven.
6th March 2016 at 8:28 pm #11045LisaMain Moderator
Hi Purple, welcome to the forum. I can echo what lover of no contact has recommended. Lundy Bancroft and Pat Craven are very popular books and aim to help women understand what abuse is and what they have been going through. The women on this forum have read a whole range of other books that you will also find useful I’m sure, like the ones lover of no contact has recommended.
I hope you find this forum a supportive place. Remember you can always call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 at any time to speak directly with a professional trained in domestic abuse and get some emotional support or information. Keep posting and reading other women’s posts. Bit by bit you will start to understand and heal more and more.
6th March 2016 at 9:39 pm #11047AyannaParticipant
The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel van der Kork, if you need to deal with PTSD.
14th March 2016 at 1:38 am #11460determined survivorParticipant
I’m new to the forum as well. I understand feeling the need to understand and deal with what you went through. I have been trying to do the same thing. I feel like if I don’t understand and deal with it, then I won’t be able to move past it. In the last few months I have turned to reading fiction books. I came across “Breaking Beautiful” by Jennifer Shaw Wolf recently, and it really put some things into perspective for me. I started searching books about DV and then I read summaries to see which ones I was interested in. I want to eventually get into some non-fiction books, but right now those trigger too much too fast.
You will talk about it when you are ready, and that’s okay. It took me a long time to be able to open up about the things I have been through, and even now it is still difficult some days. The people I have surrounded myself with are good about allowing me to go at my own pace, which is nice. They may not truly understand, but they are there to listen when I am ready to talk about it. You are not alone! There are people out there, like the ones on here, who will listen. This journey is a process, and we will get there eventually. One of the things that gives me strength is knowing that no matter how small the steps are, as long as I keep moving forward I am going to heal. Just take your time.
13th April 2016 at 9:20 pm #13730Confused123Participant
Welcome to forum, u will find loads of support on here, in your own time as u research further into books on abuse u will find loads as ladies have recommended, i would read why does he do that by lundy bancroft first and the dominator by pAt craven, they are so good to relate to and sustain your attention
13th April 2016 at 10:26 pm #13755SerenityParticipant
The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout- I love this book, as it covers so much about noxious behaviour, how it often starts in childhood and how to recognise sociopathic behaviour.
Jerk Radar by Steve McCrea.
When Love is a Lie- Zari Ballard
Trauma Proofing Your Kids- Levine/ Kline
Stop Spinning, Start Breathing- Zari Ballard
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