Can I keep the houe and be safe?

[Janedoeissad]

I loved the house we used to live in but hated my Ex.

He has offered to let me live there without him. Told me he would sign whatever is required so he could not claim any equity in the property from the point I took over the payments.

I can not get rid of him off the mortgage as the bank reckon I can not afford it, even though I can.

Then likelihood is we would not end up living in the same town as he would move somewhere else.

My family are afraid he will stalk me as he knows where I would be. He hasn’t done so far, in fact I only hear from him about practical things via email, he never phones or texts, however, this house is further away from my family, so they think I would be vulnerable. I would change the locks on the house, so he couldn’t get in, not that I think he’d try.

Can I live there and be safe or is this a really bad idea?

[Tiffany]

Pros: You get your house back. Cons: You can’t go no contact until you can afford to buy him out… That’s a long time of him being able to mess with you.

On a practical note, check what the legal position would be – thinking things like if he ends up in debt could you end up having to sell the house to pay them off? What is he legally entitled to? Is he going to want money off you at some stage. Maybe try rights for women?

[Chickadee]

My ex never made an offer. I got out for safety. And he just stated mine, mine, mine, like a child. Even though I’m the one that put all the money down. He never advised anyone of what was going on with it. And just copycatted things he thought were done to him, just like an abuser does.

The house and neighborhood itself were really nice. My kids didn’t want to be there. So I went with what they wanted when my attny once mentioned at the very beginning getting it from him. He would definitely stalk me. As it was something he did anyways and would have even more access. And he definitely would be trying or succeeding at breaking in. I got another home for the kids and I and it was great. We loved it there. He and people he sent stalked us there even though it was an hour and a half away. I took every measure I could to not let my kids be aware of his presence or others he sent, so that they would feel safe and have happiness.

It sounds like you would like to keep your house. That is a decision that has to be yours. I would look at the legal aspects and keep in mind that it will give him something to have control over you with. Tiffany made some good points and getting solid legal help would help to protect you. You could let them know the situation and set up anything drafted to protect you as much as possible accordingly, if you go through with it. But with him having a hand in it, he has something to have control over you with.

Chickadee

[Janedoeissad]

Thanks for your reply Tiffany.

I hadn’t thought about debt recovery if he ever got into debt or other implications of having our names tied together a little longer (I am pleased that I immediately thought of my safety first!). I was going to say I’ll get legal advice but I am just going to say no, as much as it pains me. There are plenty more houses out there.

Alternatively I might go to a different bank and see if they’ll give me the mortgage.

[Janedoeissad]

Chickadee, you make a good point, as did Tiffany. He will always be able to control me whilst his name is on that house. He could call me one day and cause me stress demanding the house is sold.

I see the negatives but this house was beautiful….but like I say, there are a lot of beautiful houses out there.

[Iwon]

I would not give him any power regarding the roof over you and your children’s home. Mine tried to keep the house and force us out. I went to go and he was removed for our safety. Mine was a gambling and debt type of person and I knew bailiffs would come any day and take it away. Legally regardless of what you sign if he is on the mortgage and has tight to do what he wants. He could claim half of it at any point even if you can prove you have been paying the mortgage for a period of time. You would put yourself in a dangerous financial position. A house is just a house. Get something of your own. These men do not play fair x

[Author]

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