can see the end

[dustypink]

I just wanted to write how happy I am now )
Yes, he still is in the house.
Yes, he is abusing me, my eldest and using his kids to manipulate me.
I am not safe with finances and not sure about my future.

But I finally can see the end! this is not just dark tunnel with no end, but there is small light of hope appearing!

And I don’t have to sleep with him and to cook to him and to please him anymore ) To be constantly worried about his reactions, his mood, if he will like this or not. I am learning not to care about him and this is really exciting!

I don’t care if he doesn’t come home in the evening, I don’t care were he is and with whom, I don’t care about his feelings and thoughts and plans. He is not my responsibility anymore!

I sleep with my eldest in one bed and we are totally happy, I know she is safe with me.

I smile to the people, I talk to the people, even males, and don’t feel guilty!

I can have e rest or read a book and don’t feel guilty!

I can prepare meals from Iceland products and don’t make any fresh food – and still don’t feel guilty!

I’ve applied for several jobs and go to interviews and speak to professionals and understand I am at the same level. I don’t believe anymore I am worthless immigrant who can work as a cleaner only. I started to believe I can get a good job and be completely independent even without his money! This is what he was scared about all these years, this is what he needed – keep me pregnant and with kids at home!

I started to feel taste of the freedom even there is still huge battle left and a lot of problems, but I started to feel I can do it! step by step, not so easy, but I can! I can settle my own life!

Also wanted to tell that since I decided that my life is wrong I have read 5 different books about abuse & relationship, and each of them was different and important and helped me to understand where I am, why I am, what do I need to do, and how do I exit. Please, please! Read the books! Find the information! You don’t have to act instantly, just use your time to read! this is so easy to do and so effective!
If I wouldn’t buy my first book I would be in the same position as I was. I am so happy I will not leave such a life anymore, I am free to choose what kind of life i will be living! I am not passenger anymore, I am driver!

[sunnysideup]

I’m in a similar situation, I sleep in the spare room, I do my own thing but still get nasty texts even though I keep right out of his way. I cant see a way out. Do you have no contact with each other? Im so lost how to live in the same house scared of what will happen next.
I love how positive you are and so pleased you are feeling freedom x

[dustypink]

sunnysideup
thank you! x
he is coming late during the week, but is at home on weekends. I don’t talk to him and don’t discuss anything. At all. This is the best tactic. I don’t give him a chance to use my words against me, but I monitor and write down everything he is saying or doing.
I am in my way to injunction order, try to do this with solicitor (have to get legal aid first), but I will apply on my own if it will be needed.
I am scared too, but I have reported him to police once and he knows, I will do it again.
I have my mum with me and don’t stay with him alone.
My next door neighbour knows about my situation, he is at home most of the time.
My girls know they have to call 999 or run outside for the help.
He is using one of his tactics that previously worked – trying to make me jealous, goes to pubs, meet women, doesn’t talk to me, showing that he doesn’t care. It worked before, but not now. I am free of him inside, even I am still in prison. I don’t know what his next step will be, I am scared, but not so much as I was a few weeks ago. I start to believe that I am strong enough to deal with any of his acts. I am clever enough and the most important he can’t hurt my feelings anymore, he can’t press the buttons anymore.
I don’t know what will I write here tomorrow ) The weekend is coming, I must be strong, but today, after 5 days of no contact – I am just happy )

[lover of no contact]

Absolutely wonderful post! Its so true we can slowly get mentally free from the abuser with the right support, knowledge etc. You are not physically free yet but that will come. Your post is so inspiring. I’m a few years away from my abuser and your post has just really inspired me. Especially the part where you say “I started to believe I can get a good job and be completely free of him without his money!”

Keep posting all your thoughts and excitement about freedom. He has lost his control over you well and truly. That is such great news. Its also a great idea to have your mum live with you as an added buffer against him. Deep down the abusers are cowardly so having your mum there he’ll have to watch himself a bit more.

Keep reading and posting and sharing with us!

[KIP.]

Try to remember that you may be changing and getting stronger but he is still the same nasty abuser and abuse will escalate as they lose their power over us so please tread carefully. I felt like you do but it masked the real danger I was in. Stay safe and get him out asap without him seeing it. Each day living under the same roof is dangerous and your children should never have to live under the threat of having to run outside and ring 999. This will be destructive to their mental health.

[dustypink]

lover of no contact
Thank you so much!
I know, there will be ups and downs, there will be days I’ll feel lost and scared and broken. But this will be better anyway than when I was just stuck and didn’t see an exit, and couldn’t find a reason to live.

KIP
I do what I can. Unfortunately it takes time. The SYSTEM is very slow. My eldest and me are still abused, and youngest two are involved in manipulations. But my eldest knows it will end soon and she is happy. She is happy I will not ignore his behaviour anymore, and I am so sorry for her I didn’t leave him sooner. I will need to take extra care about her when everything finishes, will look for some professional help.

I’ve read Living with the Dominator, I know I am in very dangerous position now. I am still at war and everything can happen, but at least I know now what and who I am fighting for. I’ll be strong and clever and careful.

[Sunflowersandstars]

So inspiring! I was you a few years ago- I didn’t acknowledge it at the time but I done things gradually to get out safe. Wishing you all the best- please stay safe, you are on your way to being and feeling free ❤️
SaS

[Author]

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