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It been couple of months now and the more things settle, the more it seems that there can be no justice. When I was first referred to the sexual violence service and when I first called WA, I was in disbelief when everyone said I’d been in an abusive relationship – and a coercively controlling one at all. It makes sense now and I am starting to get to a place of acceptance. It’s still difficult, but I do start to see what happened to me more clearly. I was begging for an informal resolution and when I was told I couldn’t have it, I ignored the advice of experienced professionals in search of my own resolution. Behind that I knew that I could go back to the police and/or make a complaint to my university. I thought one way or another I would get a resolution.
As time passes, I become more despairing as family and friends tell me to ‘let it go’ and that I’ve undermined my complaint by pursuing the relationship and my love for this man. I am getting the message that nothing will happen if I speak to the police again. I am getting the message that he will go consequence free as the university won’t care and/or believe. It’s utterly soul-destroying. I haven’t done either of these things yet even though I knew they were a possibility. I was so sure that my assessment of him was right; that he’d respond and show me that he wasn’t a cruel and cold abuser. I’m wrong. The possibility of failure through other channels is frightening because he will feel vindicated and strengthened. My best chance was for a resolution through the university but my behaviour in these last few weeks has been a joke: (detail removed by moderator). What an unhinged person I must seem.
Can there really be no justice in my case? At first I thought I had a good case, especially with the university as he has tutoring responsibilities and that disgusting social media account. Not to mention the college didn’t enforce their own policy on guests and threatening behaviour. How can people turn a blind eye when this is someone at (detail removed by moderator) university – it makes me sick to think I’m just going to be laughed off or have some kind of black mark against my name.
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It’s not easy to let it go. We want explanations. We want it to make sense. We want closure. As time goes on, you will feel differently. Don’t think your behaviour has undermined your case. Your case is all about his behaviour. Not yours. It’s still in your power to make your complaints to the police and the university. You’re entitled to make statements and have them on record. For other to see just what kind of a person he is. You can’t control other people’s reactions but if you feel getting your voice heard will bring you some comfort then my advice it to make your statements and let the uni and the police deal with it however they see fit. That way, you can tell yourself you did your best to protect other vulnerable students and to give yourself some closure x
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That’s good advice thank you. It is so very hard. And hardest of all is letting go of the person I loved. If I make my complaints then I know it’s over. Not that I know what else I can do to reach him. I only wish he could prove he wasn’t this person. He promised me so much and I just want my baby back. He’s robbed me of so much – I blame them for my miscarriage even though I can’t know for sure. But I’m certain it’s because I was under so much stress and I wasn’t eating or sleeping. That baby didn’t stand a chance. He said he never wanted to feel like he had to kill his baby. He knows I miscarried so probably feels better about himself but I blame them both. I hate what’s happened and I long for him to snap out of it and wake up to what he’s done and how awful he’s been. I don’t know how he goes out getting drunk and even though I am assured he is not dating, I hate how he can just go out or get I. With his work whilst I’m stuck crying bitter tears every day. I don’t know how he sleeps at night because I sure don’t. I hate thinking of him with some other girl who is oblivious to his ghosting and the fact he got someone pregnant. He’s so ashamed of it. He told me he’ll never say a word. Horrific cruelty to delete me like that after everything. I must be too emotional as he and his FmM don’t see it and neither do my own family x
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