Can you go Grey Rock with children around – how?

[iliketea]

So, I’d been waiting for the BIG announcement on Sunday at 7 to decide my next steps and getting out.. Problem is nothing has really changed so I think I’m going to be stuck for a few weeks more. I need to go Grey Rock, I’m so sick of his crazy accusations and weird thought processes. I’m the type of person who needs to understand things, which is why I’ve let this go on so long I think. First of all I had no idea what it was as it didn’t fit into any category I knew (autistic? bipolar? mad? stressed? having a breakdown?) and secondly I just couldn’t get the “Why?” Why me, why does he want to do it to me? Why does he think it’s ok? why did it happen? or the “How?” I think I’m pretty switched on, alert, empathetic, open-hearted, How did i end up with someone like this, with no heart, no soul, no feelings, no care for the hurt he causes me. I can almost see him get stronger when I’m struggling and fading.

SO, it needs to stop but I am stuck for a while yet. So, I need to Grey Rock… but is that even possible with young children around? I’ve tried it a bit but he then seems to bait one child in particular, pick on them and I then stick up for that child and boom, he’s in, he’s got a hold, an opening, AND BAM! You know the rest.. I wonder what sort of message it will send my children if I start acting out of sorts, behaving in a different way. Not talking. Not protesting his rubbish. Not contradicting the million accusations “You’re angry”, “You’re arguing”, “You’re criticising me” , “You’re contradicting me”, “You’re this” “You’re that…..

Can anyone give me tips, or somewhere reliable to read up on Grey Rock methods…quick and easy…I’m in survival mode at the moment and my brain is not functioning properly and I can’t seem to process too much information.
Thank you .x

[Iwantmeback]

You can go grey rock with children. At the end of the day you’re giving them strategies to help them in future incidents in their lives that won’t involve getting sucked into a bullies mindset. There’s a few good YouTube videos available. Phrases that include, I’m sorry you feel that way, that’s your opinion and I respect that. Anything that doesn’t add fuel to the fire so to speak. Doing this shows you’re children you have boundaries and there are consequences if they are crossed. There’s more then one way to skin a cat as they say.
Best wishes IWMB 💞💞

[iliketea]

Thanks IWMB – great advice, yes, I see that. Its so hard when you’re in it. Its all a fog of confusion.
Anyone recommend any other good Grey Rock techniques? Places to Learn How. I find it hard to do. To understand the basics. I guess you get so entrenched in dealing with the abuse to get through daily life, bad habits form in trying to defend and protest.
Thank you.xx

[KIP.]

You’re spending energy staying in an abusive dysfunctional relationship. You’re wrapped up in the symptoms of this abuse and forgetting that things won’t change until you remove yourself and your children. That should be your priority. All you’re doing is sticking a plaster on a huge open wound. You can go round and round in circles trying to cope with his abusive behaviour and this will go on for decades.

[iliketea]

Thanks for your reply but I don’t think that is true at all and that is not what I am doing or saying. I’m not under any illusion, I know things won’t change, and no I’m not wrapped up in it – I am living in it, slightly different. Unfortunately, we’re all living in unprecedented times in lockdown. I have no money, no job, no family to run to and two young children. I can’t currently safely just up and walk away. And I literally can’t even do that because he’s here all the time. Its complicated by some other legal things. Not excuses, reasons, facts, its life, there’s stuff to sort. If I was single I would be long gone. I definitely said “I think I’m going to be stuck for a few weeks more” – that’s not decades. I feel sad at this reply. I had thought it was a safe non-judgemental space. I’m a bit scared now to post again. I might reply to others but I’m not willing to put myself in the firing line. I’m already living a front-line existence every hour of every day. All I was asking was for advice on Grey Rock that everyone suggests doing, in order to survive these next few weeks.

[Rubymurray]

Iliketea – i completely get where you are at, i am v v similar, weve exchanged couple of pm’s, but i know you are just surviving hr to hr like many of us. Ive no money, job or family to stay wth either, and he’s home allllllll the tiiiiiime working pre & post lockdown.! Thats hard on its own, no private calls easy etc.

I think im grey rocking anyway, its fell naturally and before i evenknew it was a thing….i cant get dragged into any confusing critising conflict just bc i want to have my own opinion, just easier not to, well most of the time, but when its to do with the children, then i find it extremely hard to hold back, but i rarely have a choice, as someone has to speak for them.

I cant offer any particular youtubes or anything, but i looked up the meaning & learnt a little more of the defintion and just started doing my own version of it, right or wrong…idk but it helps a lot

[Author]

Posts