Cancel CMS?

[peppa-pig]

So (detail removed by moderator) CMS contacted me that my ex needs my new bank details,. I changed them because he never actually pays on time  (detail removed by moderator), I am considering closing the case so he can’t send me anything, it’s not out of spite but for my mental health. If he was consistent fair enough but my head can’t take it if he is paying as and when HE wants… every. Time I get a reminder of him it triggers something and I feel low….
I am concerned about the repercussions of closing the case as I know him and what he is like, (detail removed by moderator) If he tries to gain access again? I just want him out of my life!! He is the devil he is pure and simple just plain evil and I don’t want me or my daughter to have to ever think about him again… I just want case closed end off! I’m just scared of what will happen

[KIP.]

Can you give them the bank details of a friend or family member and let them deal with it? I understand how triggering his behaviour is so let someone deal with it completely out your hands x

[peppa-pig]

I’d rather just have nothing at all after what he did to her and what he did to me I need a clean break when my child is old enough
Il explain but my ex can’t use this as a way of messing with me he puts little messages in his bank statement and if I gave him someone else’s acc he would refuse

[KIP.]

This way he’s the one refusing not you refusing. I’m just thinking long term. If he refuses then if you change your mind his payments will accrue and there will be a paper trail to follow. If you’re going to explain to the CMA then they may have an alternative that they pay you then they chase the money from him. Contact rights of women and women’s aid for advice. There’s the national domestic abuse helpline too. Doing nothing is an option just now. Officially refusing his money may have repercussions so talk to someone first. By refusing his money he can always find another way to get to you. Have a think and talk it through.

[peppa-pig]

Thank you

[peppa-pig]

I have decided to go collect and pay, if he falters on payment they can deal with it etc out of site out of mind but if he refuses I am closing the CMS account
If he wants to pay for his child that he claims to love he can do it through them
I can’t deal with inconsistency and comments through the bank statements I’ve enough of mind games
I think this is the right choice xx

[KIP.]

Hey, it’s whatever gets you through. You know what you can and can’t cope with just now. Keep all the evidence though as you may need it in future. Just screen shot or print the statements and put them somewhere out the way. Keep absolutely everything including a journal of his behaviour. It will prove a pattern of behaviour and not just one incident x

[peppa-pig]

❤️❤️❤️

[Watersprite]

Hi peppapig – collect and pay so the best option. Why should he not support his children… he absolutely should but totally agree abusers use this to control. Collect and pay means he becomes the CMS problem not yours. The children get some financial support and you are one step removed so when he messes about it’s not you have to deal with it. It’s putting a boundary up and having CMS reinforce it. You will get a slight reduction in payments going through them but it will be so worth freeing yourself from him. It’s putting up a boundary and showing he can’t push you over anymore. CMS not easy to deal with ….and that’s an under statement lol some of them don’t get DA at all! But push on – amazing good luck x*x

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