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    • #131941
      Eyesopening
      Participant

      Hey, i feel like its been building up but today I’m in so much pain and only seem to be able to cry all day. I’m so tired I haven’t been sleeping well for a while now. Constantly dreaming of him, it nearly marks (detail removed by Moderator) months soon since I’ve been gone. Something reminded me of him today, a time that last time we would of been there for eachother. The pain is unbelievable..

    • #131943
      TiaMaria
      Participant

      Hey again Eyesopening. So sorry to hear how much pain you are in today.

      Have you looked up trauma bonding? I just posted this link on another thread but it is really helpful in talking about trauma bonding: https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/trauma-bonding

      Remember that it has only been (detail removed by Moderator) months. This is a very very short amount of time and the feelings area going to still be so raw and fresh. It will get easier.

    • #131949
      nbumblebee
      Participant

      @eyesopening, I have no advise but I wanted to say its ok to let go and cry it out.
      You are amazing and are always on here helping others out you really are an incredable lady.
      Its no wonder you are having a bad day being brave enough to leave being strong and still being there for others is bound to have taken it out of you.
      Cry cry and cry some more allow yourself that but its really good to just let it all out there really is no shame in that, once its done however make sure you straighten that crown and be that brave strong queen you are. Wish I could help you more. Take care sending hugs x*x

    • #131963
      SingleMomSurvivor
      Participant

      The feelings come in waves…at least they do for me. Some days I feel so brave and powerful and strong and then other days I feel absolutely terrified, sad and defeated. I think it’s all part of us having survived an incredibly traumatic experience. It does get better though. My sad days are less overwhelming and don’t drag me down as much. I’m able to feel joy more often. Be gentle with yourself. If you are able to speak with a counselor that could help as well. I’m glad you are here and keep posting.

    • #131965
      Eyesopening
      Participant

      Thank you all,
      I needed some kind words from people who truly understand.
      I woke up with my face so so swollen, I have a strange sore lump on between my eyes.
      I slept slightly better though, still got the dreams of him.
      I think it was a new stage of healing, where I could cry for myself and feel the sadness. Self compassion.
      Not just feeling sad about how I left, confusion or feeling guilt.
      I cried for me, and my sadness, which is progress.
      No tears today so far, I feel very delicate, it’s like growing your own wings again, it’s like learning to walk on your own again.
      Lots of love x*x

      • #131967
        nbumblebee
        Participant

        @eyesopening wow your growing your wings again comment made me cry! Glad you are feeling a tiny bit better today. Sending you lots hugs keep going sweetie its people like you who give people like me hope and strength. Take care x

      • #132017
        Eyesopening
        Participant

        Thank you 🙂 . We are stronger together xx

    • #131980
      cakepops
      Participant

      As hard as it is, I think that crying is a positive thing. I posted on here ages ago about not being able to cry and feeling numb instead. Its taken time and a lot of work (and I’ve been out of my relationship a long time now) to learn to trust my feelings and let out the sadness. When we were together I held it all in because I had to be calm and stable because my ex wasn’t. I had to relearn to allow myself to show my emotions. So think of your crying as a healing thing and progress x

      • #132018
        Eyesopening
        Participant

        Hey Cakepops, thank you for your reply 🙂 your right, it’s interesting I looked back at my crying history. When I first met my ex, I cried very easily. I felt like it was a bad thing, because I felt very weak around him. Then later in the relationship I stopped crying. I built resilience, particularly when I started to think he was abusive. I gave up being too emotionally open. I didn’t cry much at all for years. Now after leaving it seems I am getting back in touch with that ability.

      • #132020
        nbumblebee
        Participant

        I never wver cry I wont let him see how much he hurts me thats one thing in this whole mess I can control. Xxxx

      • #132026
        Eyesopening
        Participant

        I understand. When I was in the relationship I used to cry when I was alone, or in the shower(rarely though). It’s good to get out when it does come xx

    • #132029
      Bee1
      Participant

      Massive hug going out to you across the miles 💓🤗
      What great replies I’ve read…
      The road might be rocky hun, but be glad you’re not in that scribble of a world now.
      I too find it hard since I finished it. I’m mad with myself and sad for me for giving it some years before I faced what he actually was. It took courage and a hear pinching I know, but your tears are part of the reaction, the space in between the tears will get easier, be kind and good to you and pamper like hell!! 🤗

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