Cannot talk properly

[Anonymous]

Does anybody else find, when they’re finally given the chance to “speak” with their abuser that they blurt loads of things out they probably shouldn’t have, get things in a muddle, loose focus in a rapid fire of words? I literally can’t remember things that were clear in my head 10 minutes previously. It’s like I’m suddenly given the chance to speak what, I assume in the moment (though subsequently is usually wrong), freely and everything gets confusing? I can’t articulate things in a proper order. It’s so frustrating. It usually ends in the conclusion that I am a n*****e, yet once I’ve walked away everything seems logical again.

Happening so much more frequently to me, almost scared to open my mouth now.

[HopeLifeJoy]

Yes, it’s because you get nervous and anxious and know for a fact that even your best thought out argumentation that should in normal circumstances win you the debate, will not be appreciated nor accepted instead turned against you by your abuser. Your unconscious knows this.
It’s best not to waste any time teaching him or clarifying anything further with him, he WANTS confusion, drama and destruction, that’s his turf and he will always win in it. He will always want to drag you into his dysfunctional reality, he will never ever step out of his drama triangle. Why should he, his win in there is 100% guaranteed.

For me it came to a point where I handed him a letter and sat next to him while he read it. I had to force him not to comment nor interrumpt until he finished reading it. It bought me some time. But that’s all.

Keep away, get away, disengage intellectually, emotionally, physically, financially every possible way you can imagine. He’s bad news.
You deserve to be listen to when you talk, when you wish to put your point across, you deserve respect, acknowledgement, validation, love, care. You deserve to be free to voice your opinion without fear.

[Headspinning]

I could never communicate as he would talk over me – but when he wanted to speak I would be expected to listen.
Since exiting the relationship he has alternated between blaming me and trying to win me back,
After going no contact for a few weeks and getting fed up with the constant attempts to reconcile I texted him with a detailed list off all the reasons our marriage had failed and the part he played in it. I didn’t miss him and hit the wall – I let him have both barrels.
I felt good that I got my points across. However – did it make a blind bit of difference? I got a terse one line response with most of the content of my message ignored,
Point is – whether you Can communicate or not – these guys don’t want to listen. They don’t care enough to value your opinion and will twist everything with their dysfunctional logic. X

[Random.]

You have no idea how many times thats happened to me! It is the most frustrating thing, you just evetually over time just give up trying to form conversations all together & you end up just listening to them droan on about THEIR day, how p****d off HE got at something that happened, or how stressed HE is, it just goes on & on..

[Cecile]

You have to learn that he is not interested in listening to you, but is looking for more information or ways to abuse you. Even if you say something simple such as ‘I am worried about x*x” he will turn that against you. If you say the sky is blue he will ignore it if he cannot think of a way to use it to abuse you (in any way, not just physically) or will wind you up and start screaming at you. EVERYONE gets this. This is how you begin to shut down. Remember its about control, he has to control everything- your words, behaviours and thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone for your support, will reply properly later when will hopefully have a bit of time separate from him x x

[Anonymous]

Struggling to get any alone time now he’s working from home. Very difficult.

Every point you wonderful ladies made above resonates, thank you.

(detail removed by moderator)

Has me going round and round in circles over nothing, conversation came out of nowhere, I haven’t complained or asked for money in many months as I know it’s not worth it. Feel horrible now, hadn’t had too bad a day before this happened. Why did he even start this conversation?

So tired, achey. Don’t think I’m poorly, just anxious.

Take care all x x

[Author]

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