Can’t do it

[Kitkat44]

Hi
Thank you for all your encouragement I Spoke to my children. They all seem to want to stay but are all nervous about what their dad will say and how he might feel. I felt braver after speaking to them and knew I couldn’t leave them to deal with him alone so I decided to wait to talk to him but as soon as he got home I started panicking and am I the bathroom now to send this.
My poor kids, they all know how I feel and I’ve frozen again, hate that this I’ve left this with them.
Thank you for all the lovely responses on the other threads.
I gues I have to try again tomorrow
So disappointed in myself
Xx

[nbumblebee]

Hey you have absolutly nothing to feel disspointed about sweetie nothing.
You are whats important YOU and your kids when you are ready you will go until then be kind to yourself and stay safe xxxxxx

[Stargazing1]

Hi kit kat don’t be disappointed in yourself please . Dealing with anything like this is really really hard. You are strong even though you might not think it . Getting out is hard . Don’t be hard on yourself. Please take care. Sending hugs..

[Wants To Help]

Hi KitKat,

I don’t know how old your children are and I know their ages will be removed if you put them, but if they are ‘children’ then please remember that as parents, we often have to make the decisions that are in their best interests, no matter how old they might think they are and how grown up they think they are!

Children will love the most abusive and violent parent and always look for the best in them despite being scared of them at the same time, sadly, we cannot always take their opinions and desires into account when doing what we know is in their best interests long term.

Please act in the best interests of you all, and if you have one child that is an older teen and specifically refusing to leave with you then assure them that they can return in a few days time if that is what they really want, but for now you are making the decisions, not them.

[Watersprite]

Hey kitkat Wantstohelp has written such a great post. I hope you are being gentle on yourself. Leaving is a process – keep posting if you can we all understand x

[iliketea]

Hey, I hope you’re ok, sending you strength. xx

[Medusa]

Don’t feel bad and don’t blame yourself. I couldn’t quite do it either but I told our therapist that I feel scared of his aggression.
How are you feeling now? Take care xx

[Kitkat44]

Hi everyone, thank you so much for your messages and care.
I foolishly decided to talk to him. I’m ok and safe (still at our home) and thanks to all my reading up on here I saw everything he was trying to do and say to blame me for our very poor and unhealthy marriage and everything was about him and his feelings.
It was all so predictable that I was able to stay so calm and I feel very detached from him. I just kept thinking I’ve read this so many times -you can’t reason with an abuser and they’ll try every trick to control you.
Now I’m feeling stunned, OMG he behaved exactly as I was told he would and yet strangely calm because it has completely confirmed again that it’s not me it’s him! I’ll be speaking to my IDvA tomorrow.I have to get us away in secret.
Xx

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