Can't do this anymore

[Inneedofsomepeace]

I have to (detail removed by Moderator) with details of things I have a never told anyone.

I don’t know how to say what he did to me. It made me feel so degraded and dehumanised. But I have am so scared that they will think it stupid or that I will cry. I don’t even know how to say the words.

I just want it to stop.

[AceGracie5]

Hi InNeed

I know this is so hard and feels relentless at the moment, but please continue to be brave and courageous.

Just start speaking. Get it all out and said and you will feel so much better because you won’t be carrying it around inside you all on your own. Starting to speak out and say things that you have never told anyone is very hard to do but once you’ve done it once, repeating it or speaking out again, is never quite so difficult again. I find it lessens the power the perpetrator has over me, it stops you feeling so isolated and alone with what happened and you can do more than tell the truth. If people know the truth from you, they can begin to understand.

I don’t think the Police will think you are stupid and you are allowed to cry.

Sending you hugs and strength. You will get through this x*x

[Inneedofsomepeace]

I am actually thinking of asking if I have to tell them this extr bit I just don’t think I will be able to say the words. I had to give them a brief outline and it was all very criptive as I just couldn’t say the words. It makes me feel sick jusrt to think about it.

[deepblueeyes]

Hi I know how you feel. I was the same my ex raped me every time I tried to leave him. The last time he pushed his way into my flat and pinned me against the wall while he relieved himself, for the want of a better word, and he was on a non molestation order. I didn’t report it to the police because I couldn’t bring myself to even talk about it, if I did I know I was going to crumble. I had to shut it away inside my head for my own sanity. Not everyone would understand that.
You will talk about things when you feel ready, don’t rush it.

[Inneedofsomepeace]

Hi deepblueeyes

I am sorry he did that to you.

I have reported the rapes. It’s just some of the things he did to me, I just don’t know how to say the words. I feel used and dirty and ashamed, almost dehumanized just thinking about it. I don’t know what to do.

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