6th January 2022 at 10:00 am #136597soconfused2Participant
I’ve posted before and am really grateful for the support. I thought I had got it straight in my head, but seem to be confused all over again.
This is emotional abuse, right?
– Silent treatment (for days for weeks), only ending when I apologise/try to repair things.
– Rarely (basically never) apologising/being accountable
– Blaming me for lots of things (e.g. work stress when it is nothing to do with me)
– Saying I am a bad mum because I had post natal depression (and that he won’t ever be able to tell me I am a good mum because of this)
– Leaving the room when I try to talk about things (e.g. how upset I am about him saying I am not a good mum)
– Calling me a bully and an abuser when I try to stand up for myself (although sometimes I have maybe been too pushy and shouted at him out of frustration)
– Saying the only thing he has done wrong is put up with me
– Ignoring me when I try to talk about things that are upsetting me (e.g. my own work, nothing to do with him) because he says he knows how I will react
– Mood swings (often involving the silent treatment or short answers to questions) out of the blue, sometimes with no explanation, and sometimes it later being explained that I did something to upset him
He hadn’t spoken to me for a month before calling me an abuser, during which time I saw the solicitor. Being called an abuser myself was too much so he was sent the divorce papers. We are still in the same house though.
Since then, for the last couple of months, he ignored me and wouldn’t even acknowledge that I was in the room (even if the children were there).
Now, suddenly he is talking to me – just practical stuff about the kids, which is a huge relief. But its left me confused about whether it really was that bad and whether we could have sorted it out.
Now he is talking to me I asked if he would like to have a conversation about what has been going on (either just with me or with a counsellor there) and he said no.
For some reason I feel so sad and confused again. I wish I hadn’t asked.
Just looking for some support.
6th January 2022 at 11:33 am #136604BananaboatParticipant
I’m sorry you’re living this, it sounds so similar to my current situation where I told him in November I’d had enough and was ending it, cue lots of different behaviour, including days of being lovely to me and kids and me thinking am I wrong. I’ve also learnt fro experience and on here, that a) the good times don’t last and when I did drop my resolve slightly he took full advantage financially and by choosing drink/drugs over us, b) they don’t change and c) he won’t leave voluntarily. They’ll do anything to keep control which in my case and sounds like yours, being civil – you can’t kick me out now I’m nice. All which leaves us living in limbo and a mess mentally questioning everything. Reminding yourself of the bad helps, you made that decision for a reason and you didn’t make it lightly. What has he done to fight for your relationship? What advice would you give someone else in your shoes. x
23rd February 2022 at 5:33 pm #139568AllAdriftParticipant
You asked to resolve this properly in an adult way with a counsellor. You couldn’t do any better than that! That is the top answer.
He has said No.
He wants to have his cake and eat it. He doesn’t get to call the shots on your life. Your life is sacred, you only get one of those unlike men who are ten a penny.
Our children need us more than men who aren’t adult do.
I would just walk away. In a year you’ll look back from a stronger position and wonder why on earth you didn’t act sooner.
Just my thoughts for you to consider if you are ready.
Best of luck with it all xx
23rd February 2022 at 9:29 pm #139596roadtohealingParticipant
Ho soconfused2, This sounds just like my situation at the moment. He has been giving me the silent treatment for days now, I’m about to explode but trying to keep it together because past experience has shown me that this is what he actually wants; For me to get upset scream and shout and then he can once again gain the upper hand by saying (detail removed by moderator) So I’m giving him the silent treatment too because trying to talk to him has gotten me nowhere. It’s a horrible situation to be in, living with someone with no communication, but at the moment I feel it’s all I can do.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.