Can’t get out of relationship without getting myself in trouble

[Tropicalsand]

I’m in a really horrible situation and I don’t know where to turn. Back story is- myself and my partner always had a fiery relationship then a couple of years ago it hit a really bad point and he ended up cheating on me. We tried to make it work but it didn’t and he ended up leaving to be with her, then one day he came to pick our little boy up (we had had an argument the day before) and he ended up beating me. Not the first time, but before I had always fought back, or even it the early days started it. This time I had our little boy in my arms so could protect myself and I only got away because someone heard my screams.
I didn’t press charges, I didn’t feel mentally strong enough to but I personally stopped all contact with him. His mum worked as our go between with our sons contact, I moved house, rebuilt my life, started becoming the person I was many years ago.
So stupidly after 6 months I decided we should try and be civil and met up well the him for a family day out. He spent the whole day telling me he had made a mistake, that it was his family he wanted. Etc etc, I’m sure you have all heard the same. So I took him back, really wanted to make it work. He started coming round to my house several nights a week and then a couple nights I was late back so he suggested I gave him a key, then he started staying more and more, more of his things got moved it. My problem was I am on tax credits and housing benefit so I kept telling him that if he wanted to live here then he had to help me out with the bills or find somewhere to stay. He did neither, and our relationship has been going down hill for weeks.
Tonight he went out and got drunk, he rang me at (detail removed by moderator) 7 times to tell me he was coming round. On the first phone call I said that it was fine, my the 5th I lost my temper with him. (I’ve got so much on and not sleeping well, and I was just so tired). Well he came back and completely lost it with me, smashed up my tv, picked up my two seater sofa and threw it at me, trashed my kitchen and punched me several times in the head. I did something I’m not proud of and left my little boy sleeping in his bed and ran out the door. (I prayed that he wouldn’t hurt him). I rang his best mate and he came down to sort him. It’s taken him 3 hours to calm him and get him to sleep and me 3 hours to tidy my house up and make it safe for my little one.
If your still with me thank you for continuing to read. So my problem is this, we have had the police called several times and have been told by MASH that basically the next time social services will step in, and I may loose my little boy, so I can’t go to them for help. I have asked him to leave but his threats range from burning my house down while I’m asleep, to getting me sacked, alienating my family from me and telling the council that he has been living here.
I don’t know what to do, it’s making me feel there is only one way to be free of him.
I drafted a message to his mum, but I don’t know if I should send it or if she will take his side and make it a hundred times worth.
Sorry I just needed to get this all out, cause I have no one to talk to. My family don’t even know we are back together and my friends just tell me to split up with him but they don’t understand how impossible he’s making that.

[Confused123]

Hi HUn

sending hugs out to you, first of all dont let him no u are scarced that you will get in trouble with tax credit he willuswe that agsainst u , u could email his mum and say that he is beating u up again but i find when it comes to throwing them out u suddenly get ignored. You do need help though, i would recommend you contact help line and get in touch with domestic violence agencies, u do need support to help you get out. Could you change the locks and then tell him by text its over and may be pre hand his sstuff over to his friend that help u last night. If he turns up at door this is your opportunity to call polcie and have hijm removed from the house and get a non mol issued immeidately so he can not contact you. I knwo it sounds all scary but you can do this. I stay with an bauser forr ages cause i was scared social would take my kids of me, with them involved as mucha s we hate them it will help you and your child stay protected by not returning to him, there is support out there , please try and call help line or get in touch with domestic violence agencies

[Tink123]

Hi tropicalsands
I feel for u so much, what do u do when u cant do anything, if u were a mate of mine I would suggest u start saving, and a day he goes out get all your stuff and move obviously only if ur renting, I wish I could do that I’m in a situation where I don’t want to b with my bf every chance he gets he threatens me, my house or my cats, I can’t go to the police as been told if he goes bk to jail people will look for my and trash my house,
If u can’t save see if friends or family will help, u have to give them a second chance for your sake just to know my bf ended up moving bk in and it’s the biggest mistake ever but least u know he’s a liar and will never change, the problem with these men it’s not u, it’s them and it’s because there not happy with themselves, and they will do the same to the next girl,
If you can’t move the day he goes get the locks changed and if he tries to break in call police and get a friend to stay with u for a couple of nights x

[Ayanna]

When he is out change the locks.
Tell him you will call police if he ever turns up again.
Do not show fear.
He deserves to get arrested.
From the perspective of an outsider social services are right to safeguard your child.
Your duty as a mother is to keep your child safe at all times and this includes not to let a violent man move into your home.
When the locks are changed and he comes there playing up you can easily call the police and get him arrested.
Do not feel sorry for him.
Put the safety of your child and yourself first.
Also speak to Rights of Women and Women’s Aid.

[Ladyglittersparkles]

I agree with the above.
Change Locks.
Your in the process of finding strength to do this.
Bag his things up and take it to his mums.make her aware.although I dare say she’s aware what her son is like.
She raised him.

keep yourself safe and your son.

[Author]

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