can’t go on

[thoughtful]

Hi I am new to this site and not quite sure what to say, all I know is i cannot go on like this. I have been in this relationship for (detail removed by moderator) but it is only the last couple which have been violent. I am so miserable sad and scared, I cannot see a way out, every thing is say is wrong everything I do is wrong and I am terrified next time he will go too far. He is like jekyll and Hyde one minute so normal, the next like a monster. I have been in this position before with a previous partners which only ended when he was sent to prison for (detail removed by moderator) for what he done to me. Buthe this time the circumstances are different and it is hardereally for me to go. I just needed to get this off my chest as I have not told anybody else, and after reading the forum I don’t feel so alone and can feel a bit of hope. Thanks for listening

[SilkyHalide]

Welcome. Sorry I’m really sleepy and can’t offer anything useful right now but keep posting and reading for support for now.

[Ayanna]

Hi and welcome.
Did you contact the helpline?
You need to get out, that is for sure.
The sooner you get out the better.
What about calling the police on him?
When you feel threatened you can call the police.
In which way is this different to the former experience?
Abusers are all the same, they operate in the same ways. Violence increases and your life gets into danger. Do not let it get to this stage.
Maybe you find it harder because it is the second time you are in this?
I know, it makes you desperate to experience one abusive relationship after another.
But the only way to end this is to get out.

I can tell you even without knowing you that all what you do is right and he is demolishing your entire existence.
You recognised this.
Now please take action and get out.

But ensure he does not know what you are doing, because abuse intensifies when they find out that the victim wants to get out.

Keep posting! x*x

[Blossomflower]

Hi there and welcome. Although my situation is very similar to yours the “Jekyll and Hyde” thing,mine is constant verbal and emotional abuse,which is traumatic as at the flip of a coin the mood swings and aggression I get blamed for is making me ill and extremely unhappy and sad,that I feel I surely can’t live the rest of my life like this. I need to escape,but trapped at the moment. I know I am a good and much better person,and I do not deserve this,but it’s the courage and strength I need now to say enough is enough. Please remember you are not alone,keep posting to get it off your chest,and keep the thought in your mind you are a good person and he has the problem not you. Also I am new to this forum and 1st time posted a response to someone so similar to mine.

[godschild]

Hi thougthful and blossonflower, welcome to he forum, the Jekle and hyde personality is so so common, you never know who you will meet up with, which one they change so quickly.
Agree with Ayanna,dont leave it until you are in danger, if you feel its getting worse and you feel he will go too far, we are very good at reading how bad they are, trust your instincts and call the helpline or contact the police if you feel in danger, it wont get better , takecarex

[thoughtful]

Thank you for your kind replies, they have made me realise I am not completely alone although it sometimes feels that way. Ayanna you asked what was different this time to the last. The difference is Himpossible ( I shall call him that) got into trouble last year (detail removed by moderator)and was arresTed. Somebody in his family decided to call social serices. They had no problems and the case was closed. ( I must stress that he has never hit me in front of kids ) After all this is had a breakdown which thankfully I have recovered from. But he knows if I report him ss will get involved again and might say I cannot cope as he will tell them I cannot. Luckily the kids are away on holiday (detail removed by moderator) for 2 weeks. And what a terrible 2 weeks they have been, he has punched me repeatedly on head legs anywere where marks ddon’t show. He is convinced the minute he goes out I am having men in. He calls me a prostitute and a whole. He even does it in the street in front of total strangers. I could have died with embarrassment and humiliation. As soon as bedtime comes he is back to Mr nice expecting it every night and if I say no he nags and nags till I give in, as at least I know I will get a bit of peace afterwards. I am starting to despise him and I think he knows that. In the past he has broken my nose stamped on my head punched me, but it is the constant insults and abuse.I know it cannot go on but I am scared of making that final step in case it goes against me. Thanks for listening

[thoughtful]

I just wanted to add that him is a great father, he doesn’t so much as raise his voice in there company it is only when theye are out.

[KIP.]

He is not a great father. No great father would beat the mother of his children. No great father would destroy her mentally and emotionally. A good father would support a mother to be the best she can be for her children. What he is doing is illegal and using threats of taking your children is very very common. Please ring the helpline number on here and get in touch with your local women’s aid. They will help you make an exit plan. But only if you wish to do so. If you can safely photograph your injuries and if you can at least speak to,your GP? Abuse only gets worse over time and he sounds very very dangerous X

[Lisa]

Hi Thoughtful,

Welcome to the forum! I am so pleased that you have had some supportive and helpful replies. I wanted to just to KIP’s post that your partner is not a good father. A good father is not abusive to his children’s mother. Every time he physically hurts you he potentially could do serious damage to your health, and life. The injuries are very serious. It is also unlikely that the children are unaware of the abuse that he is inflicting on you, mentally and physically. Please do reach out for some help, your local Women’s Aid group can help you and your children be safe and free from abuse. Please also phone the helpline, they will not tell you what to do but they will give you some advice and support and may help you to see options you perhaps haven’t considered.

We are all here for you. Please keep posting to let us know how you are.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[thoughtful]

Thank you again for your kind replies. I know what I have to do but it is scary. Luckily for me he is working away from home for the next couple of days so at least I get a bit of peace, apart from the countless phone calls asking me what I am doing and where am I. I know you are all right and that a good father wouldn’t do the things he doesn’t. I am definitely going to leave as I cannot live like this any more. I need to pluck up the courage to do so but I will keep posting on here. Thank you again I don’t feel so alone now.

[thoughtful]

I had some news today, his elderly father had a fall at home, he is in the early stages of dementia. The hospital won’t release him home on his own so he is coming to stay with us. This is good news for me (I know that sounds terrible ) because him doesn’t start when anybody else is around. To everyone he is a lovely man. His dad is a lovely man so I am quite happy to have him at home with us. I am slowly making plans to leave and am feeling a bit better I know I will get there in the end, and it’s nice to be able to talk on here without being judged.

[Positiveandlookingahead]

Hello thoughtful. I read your messages and it really hurt me I can’t believe what you are going through. You are so so strong and I’m so glad you have reached out to us. Please do phone the helpline they are there for you they will not judge you. Please try and say as safe ss you can. You will leave when you feel you are in a position to do so. But in the meantime, please remember you are not alone we all understand what you are going through it will get better. Please keep up your strength by eating and looking after yourself because your children need you and you need to rely on yourself. Thinking and praying of you and sending you lots of love, courage and hope – you can get through this I promise!! Xxxx

[Positiveandlookingahead]

I am sorry to hear about his father but equally I am thankful that this means that you are safe. See things do get better I promise. You will never be judged on here we are all with you. Keep posting and remember you are not alone. My advice is take each day as it comes and remember each day is a new day and a day closer to the end of this horrendous ordeal for you xxxx

[KIP.]

Please don’t get your hopes pinned on his elderly father. That will bring much more stress onto you and blood is thicker than water. My father in law was always very nice but I caught him abusing his wife on a couple occasions when he thought they were alone. Just concentrate on your escape. Don’t take on another responsibility which will tie you to your abuser. Mine always abused me behind closed doors but towards the end his mask slipped and he just didn’t care X

[thoughtful]

Thank you all of you so much for your lovely kind replies into cried when I read them, it gives me hope it really does and I feel so much more determined to get away from this living he’ll. Because it has happened to me in a previous relationship I keep getting told by him that ithe must be me that makes them do it as they both said they had never been violent in any of their old relationships. When you get told something constantly you start to believe it but I know now it’s not my fault. Nobody deserves to be beaten and tormented by anybody, and it is torment walking on eggshells having to watch everything I say or do in case it is the wrong thing and it will set him off. And the constant accusations of cheating, I would be happy to never be with a man again for the rest off my life. Thank you all again it really is helping me knowing I am not alone. I will keep you all updated as often as is possible.

[Author]

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