Cant move on..

[Wateringcan]

Im struggling to move on with my life.. i take a step forward and take 10 steps back. I think of him every single day and night and im very much aware of what he put me through now but i miss the good part of him so so much, my heart literally acges. I guess i still love that part of him and want him back in my life but not the rest of it that went with it. I just cant make sense of these strong feelings that keep coming back to me when ive had monents where ive told myself and others i am over him. Everyone thinks im stupid for saying how much i miss him and would love him back. Its been a reasonable amount of time for me to be in a better position and even he has moved on himself.. but the guy i loved at the beginning… i can not get him out of my head or heart :'( im no contact but i feel like im just hurting myself even more by doing this and keep finding myself wanting to give in and call him.. feel like i need him so.
Ive also done some research into all but my feelinhs still remain so strong towards the good side of him. Feel weak.

[KIP.]

Hi, have you read about trauma bonding? What you miss is the good part of him, and I’m sure there were many good times or we would leave sooner. I think that I did actually move on from my abuser very quickly but I struggled to move on from the trauma he left me with. Healing is like breaking an addiction and it’s going to take time. Your brain is whirring about now trying to make sense of all the abuse that it didn’t have the headspace to make sense of when it was trying to protect you from the immediate danger. So mindfulness, walking, distracting yourself or just sitting letting the pain and hurt wash over you. Contacting him may bring a temporary relief, if he doesn’t blame you and hurt you again instantly, but long term it’s zero contact. Healing from Hidden Abuse is a good book, not too complicated x be kind to yourself too. Be your own best friend and seek out some counselling x

[Soulsearcher18]

Hi Wateringcan
I think this is really normal. I’m just thinking that we’ve gone through/are experiencing really unprecedented times as well at the moment and it has restricted our freedom to get out and to connect with others which doesn’t help with moving on.

However, where there is a will there is a way and you wouldn’t be posting on here unless you wanted some support and reassurance that you will get past this, that things will get better.

Check out the post by Braelynn- ‘Motivational things…’, I can never remember the last bit of the title but if you go to ‘topics’ and search for ‘Motivational things.., by Braelynn’ – you’ll find it. On here you will find lots of things that women do to help themselves when feeling like this. You may get some ideas from there of things to try out. It’s really about thinking of things that you enjoy doing, or think that you might enjoy doing and having a go at it.

I read a meme recently which was about the different types of love. It was like so if you are single, you can still experience love. It listed things like, the love of a good book, the love of nature, the love of a nice meal, the love of a trusted friend, the love of family etc. I think I have made some of those up and not sure if I’m explaining it right but it made me think that romantic relationships aren’t everything at all. I’d be absolutely nothing without the love of my friends and family, sometimes my friends aren’t always available at the times I need them because they too have things they are dealing with. I know that they are there and that I can call upon them but sometimes during this journey, I have found comfort in the love of a good book, or in rediscovering the love of drawing and writing.

I wonder what support you already have in place? If you haven’t accessed counselling, now may be a good time to do so to help you with your next steps.

Things are starting to open up a bit more now and there are more opportunities to get out and meet others/do things if you are able to. Is there anything that you would like to get out there and do, volunteer, walk etc.

This is a great space to share things that you are trying out and how things are going, I’ve realised over the last few days though how many other forums are out there too that cover such a range of topics/issues and interests They also have the potential to widen your community and experiences.

I hope this is helpful. You are not weak at all, it takes great strength and courage to survive and to remain zero contact. I hope that you do remain zero contact, long term this is definitely the best option for your recovery.

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