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I am signing for a rented house (detail removed by moderator) The anxiety i have is awful, i have cried all day.
Apart from the odd text saying “let’s do relationship counselling” he’s not bothered at all. Happy, smiling, going about his daily life. like the whole (detail removed by moderator) have meant nothing. IT HURTS, so much. I can’t stop crying today, i feel so worthless and unlovable.
In between stonewalling me, no communication at all, when he’s here Hes acting normal, as if the break up hasn’t affected him at all. It’s killing me. My rational brain is thinking how can i man that apparently worships you, be so calm and cool after (detail removed by moderator)
No communication, no asking me if im ok? no tears? I think this is the hardest thing, accepting they don’t really care about you 🙁
It’s like i’m longing to reach out, say im sorry, but i haven’t done anything? my feelings haven’t been considered at all
It hurts so bad xx
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Oh lovely I wish I could give you a big hug. I felt this a few months ago, being in the same house with them post breakup is a whole tough ride in itself, but whilst it’s heartbreaking for you right now use it to strengthen your resolve & stick to your decision to leave. Remember his actions right now, how cold he is, how he knows you’re hurting but does nothing, in fact worse than nothing as he’s acting like nothing mattered. He’s going to either try to get a reaction out of you which he’ll twist, or he’s going to ignore you until you beg for forgiveness or he decides to take you back – or both and more, whatever will get you back online. I’d put money on him texting that counselling just so he can say to others ‘I offered to go but she refused’, making him the victim. I found this time tough but this forum, books and watching dr Ramani helped as the more you learn, the more you see. Be kind to yourself too, you are going through a break up albeit for good reason, it still friggin hurts xx
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I think he’s doing this to try get a reaction out of you. He probably hates the idea you’re making an independent move by yourself and is trying to halt you making progress in your life.
It seems to me he’s punishing you for signing on the house, maybe in the hope you’ll break and become an emotional wreck and it’ll fall apart.
Doing relationship counselling is his way of twisting things and passing the buck to you – almost ‘it’s both of us that is the problem’ when in reality he’s clearly a very manipulative and abusive person who toys with you and gets off on the power and control he has over you. If you agree to relationship counselling, you’re almost omitting to some contribution or blame and trust me, I can tell you now, this is all on him and his abusiveindset which he will never change.
Focus on you, focus on your new home, focus on living free from emotional abuse. You’ll soon move forward and break the trauma bond you hqde with this guy and go on to find a love that is real and true xx
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Hi Confusedgirl
He’s abusing you, still. This is all part of his cruel games to maintain control and never give you anything, any hope of a connection. Its cruel and its very painful to go through, but in going through this, and doing all the crying you will be able to move on, so be patient with yourself as you move through this part, it will pass. Don’t be fooled, you never can know when the Mr cool will evaporate and Mr angry will be back, especially as you are separating and still under the same roof. Keep yourself safe and don’t let your guard down, not for a minute.
I am sorry that this is so painful, abuse on top of the feelings you have grown make it incredibly difficult, but we are here for you as you go through this, and hopefully , it won’t be too long and you’ll be fully apart.
warmest wishes
ts
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Hi ConfusedGirl, he is stil abusing you, that’s also why this break up is impacting you so much still.
His tactics which you outlined are classic…. yes, the realisation that they didn’t actually love is hurtful and a bit bonkers as, like yours, mine told me I was his world, never loved anyone so much as me, how I am his angel, life saver, he wouldn’t be here without me blah de blah…. I fell for it all when I met him.
When actually I now know that those lines ‘you are my everything blah blah are red flags and an unhealthy.
That pain you feel will lesson in time, it really does start to hurt less bit by bit, you will also feel stronger. I thought leaving mine was going to be the hardest part when in reality the after affects are far harder as they up the abuse. Do not believe a word he says to you, he is acting atm…. he will change tactics soon.. be prepared. Love yourself confused girl, his love wasn’t authentic, you got away and in time you will see more and more.
Mine met a new host a few months after i finally separated, after decades of ‘I couldn’t love anyone else (he also continued his abuse).
Be kind to you, you have been through so much and he is still abusing you which makes it so hard to heal. Avoid him as much as possible, phone calls, messages social media, try to avoid him. You are grieving for what could have been and the good times you would have had (they are all so nice at times), give yourself some head space.
Keep posting ❤️
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