Can't stop worrying

[FreeAgain]

I feel very low and have high anxiety today. Not from being worried my ex will do anything to me but he was upset last night about me telling a friend we’d split up.

I haven’t heard from him today and I now can’t stop worrying that he’s done something stupid….sounds ridiculous I know. I’ve even tried phoning him which I know is not recommended but I can’t stop worrying.

Sorry just had to put it down in words to try and cope.
xx

[Lisa]

Hi FreeAgain,

I just wanted to show you some support. I am sorry that you are struggling today. Sadly I am sure that your ex knows you will be worried about him and that is exactly what he wants so try not to worry too much and try not to keep calling him. If you haven’t heard from him yet and particularly if he has a history of suicide or mental health issues you can always phone 101 and ask the Police to do a safe and well check on him.

Look after yourself and put yourself first. Not having contact with him will stop you worrying when you don’t hear from him so perhaps you could consider that. You have done nothing wrong and you are absolutely allowed to tell your friends you have split up.

Please reach out to support.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[KIP.]

It’s very common of them to use this controlling tactic. It speaks volumes that his behaviour follows you doing something he didn’t like. So now it’s time to make you worry and punish you for doing something he doesn’t like. The idea is next time you won’t go against his wishes because you will fear his behaviour. He is not your problem. I’m sure if anything had happened to him you would hear from others. Don’t let him make you worry. He wants you to contact him, run after him, worry about him. That’s not caring behaviour. Don’t be bullied or intimidated. If you ignore him, he will get in touch when his tactics don’t work. If he does threaten self harm, ring the police or an ambulance. He needs a mental health professional to help. That’s something you definitely aren’t qualified to deal with. Once this happens I bet he quickly changes his mind.

[FreeAgain]

Thank you ladies for your support – you have helped convince me that I need to stay strong xx

[Yellowflower]

I can assure you my ex partner threatened this whenever I said I would go… infact since I’ve left his been out every weekend. It’s just a mind game because they know you love them it’s just another way of keeping control of you. Stay strong lovely x

[FreeAgain]

Just a quick update, I have heard from him this morning and he said he was nearing ending it all. I told him not to play games or else if he did do it he wouldn’t be taken seriously.

I can’t help worrying cos I have been close to taking my own life in the past so find it difficult to ignore anyone that is this desperate. I am NOT taking him back though under any circumstance.

I just want my share of the marital home so we can both move on 🙁

[teatime]

I am sorry. Try not to be in contact. No contact is much easier in the long run. x

[KIP.]

He knows about your history with suicide and that’s why he’s using that threat. He knows it will deeply worry you. Don’t have any contact with him. Use a third party x

[Author]

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