Cant stop worrying

[Whosthatgirl]

I have to see him this week and keep reading about how the system fails our children. The fact that he left me and i didn’t speak out until after he left is going to make me look like the liar. The truth is i was and am still terrified. He never touched me but spoke about violence constantly but he will lie and charm and i will freeze as i always have when he starts. Wish I’d said nothing and just accepted that he’d always have control but here i am. Not sure i can do this. Sorry i know this sounds really pathetic but i cant face being bullied anymore. im so worried about my kids.

[Tobfree]

Hi love
I have been where u are right now and i know how scared you feel
As Any time i saw my ex abuser partner wether in court or contact centre
I was so scared i wanted to run away and my head was a mess and my anxiety was through the roof
he too had lied and played the i am a good dad act with the system so well

I found strength through doing what i had to do for my kids
and i did get support from woman’s aid when i had to go to court
It was terrifying yet i got through it

Are u having to give evidence in court
As you say you have to see him or is it all going through court

Have you got woman’s aid help and have you got a woman’s aid support worker they are such good support and help
they know exactly why you are feeling like you are and understand what you have been through and what you are going through
And they know what to do and say to best support you are your kids
X*x

[Tobfree]

And i just wanted to add
That mental and emotional psychological abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse
and the courts and police
Are beginning to have to do much stricter sentence for these abusers because of the hideous torture they put us through

And just because you are only just speaking out now should show to any expert in these matters how terrified you are of him and what abuse you have been put through

The sentences are stricter now because the laws have changed regarding mental emotional psychological abuse which mean much stricter sentences are being served on these low life abusers

[Whosthatgirl]

Thanks Tobfree,
Police dropped it after interviewing him so no justice there. Now hes using it against me to try and get the kid. Im being victim blamed already and accused of alienation. so far from the truth!

[Faraway]

Hi whothats girl,
I’m going through a similar situation where he is taking no responsibility that of the emotional and psychological abuse. He has even tried to present evidence that I was physically abusing him. I feel terrified because he is so good at putting on an act that he is such a great guy. He is an alcoholic but high functioning meaning he can hold down a good job but as soon as he is home he gets wasted then on the weekends gets completely wasted starting in the morning. I have 3 children to this man and he will start seeing him soon. He has told me he wants me dead in the past so of course I’m petrified. I have left a while ago and I just thought that everything would be fixed but now I’m left thinking about everything that has happened and it’s hard. I see a psychologist and that seems to help. I’m sorry the police let you down but are there women’s services that you could reach out to who might be able to suggest other avenues? The feeling terrified and feeling sick is normal. Was he like this to your child too?

[fizzylem]

Don’t know how helpful this is, but I am in a similar situation, waiting for it to happen, I feel I’m just one person and my priorties are making a nice home as Ive recently moved and there’s literally hundreds of things to do there and taking care of my child, I simply dont have the head space or number of hours in the day to prepare for a legal battle. On top of my reluctance to go as all this is is the legal way to continue to abuse me with and feel powerless to it. The stress this bring makes me ill and I feel vulnerable.

So, I’ve become pretty detached this week, feel a letting go has taken place, what will be will be. I’ll do what I can yes, but at the end of the day, what the J decides is what I’ll have to work with and I cant really do anything about that can I. I know he’s going to say I’ve alienated her, as he’s shouted this already, which it total tosh, as despite him being a lousy parent, I have always remained positive about him in my child’s company as I see this as what she needs, he however has not extended me the same courtesy, this is his own projection, he is the one who has repeatedly tried and succeded to a degree, to alienate me. Sigh.

I’m even thinking of just not going, I probably won’t when it comes to it, but feel like this at present.

Did you know you can request alcohol testing? Might be enough to back you up about his drinking.

It’s rubbish isn’t it feeling defeated before you get there, but I will say that I have read some women on here feeling utterly desperate, thinking it’s all going his way and it turned out they were listened to. Sadly I think it depends on who we get hey.

Try to stay focused on your truth and ignore what he says, only respond if necessary; see it, here it for what it is – BS, don’t let it in; stand firm, accpet you can only do what you can on the day and no more. Sending you hugs and really hoping you are heard x

[Tobfree]

Hi ladies
This is dreadful i thought the aptsolute carnage and victim blaming i went through because my abusive ex manipulated and gas lighted the services and even the courts was just my bad luck

This is dreadful it is still happening
He too went after the kid and i was victim blamed too
And bullied by the very services that should of been protecting me and my son and i got pulled back into his lies and abuse cos i thought if services etc believe him maybe he has changed
So i got caught up in all the abuse again

I did get out of it all and rebuilt a life for me n my son
yet he used everything to try and get his son back
So he could use him to hurt me
So i documented everything every mess up he did as they may be clever but their mask does slip
And finally he slipped up and he couldn’t lie or bluff his way out of it
He told me he had had counselling through the courts and he was deemed no risk to be-around this
Was a big fat lie and he then once this was exposed to scared to go back to court over custody of my son cos he know once this lie was made known to the courts all his other lies would be uncovered he backed off and was only allowed to write to my son

And this soon fizzled out as he was only trying to get my son off me to hurt me and once he had no power he was not allowed to ring me or contact me and he was to scared to go back to court he dropped my son like a hot potato

Womans aid have a legal help line where u can get free legal advise from trained woman’s aid solicitors
And woman’s aid can help you expose these abusers
And help support you and your child to makes the best case possible against these lowlife abusers

More education about abusers and the many different kinds of abuse and how it affects the child and mother is needed to be educated into all the service
I know some services train with woman’s aid

Yet it should be made part of the services training in all services across the country and world as part of their training

Then they too are educated about just how manipulative and gas lighting and devious and damaging these low life abusers are not just to their victims but to all services involved
As services who are untrained in this abuse are falling for all their lies and gaslighting etc and victim blaming

Please get in touch with woman’s aid ladies if u have not all ready

I even got in touch with my local Mp about all this victim blaming and how all the services was being fooled by him and presented all the evidence i had to prove this was happening

yet I didn’t take it any further when my ex abuser backed down and tried to cover his tracks as i had got him scared as his lies was being exposed

Now i see it was not just my bad luck but sadly that this is happening over and over again this is terrible and needs to be stopped

I would like to ask all ladies going through this victim blaming which is because of services not being educated in just how manipulating and devious etc these abusers are

If they would contact woman’s aid for the huge support and help and advise they give u and your children

And if you would also at a later date once you have saved your self and your kid from these low life abusers best you can

If you would ask woman’s aid about highlighting all this to parliament
In how the victim blaming and how these abusers are not only abusing the victims and using their children as a way in to hurt the victims and try to control them

These abusers are also abusing the system fooling the services with their gas lighting and manipulation again and again and again

So if woman’s aid can draw parliaments attention to this huge loop hole in the law where abusers are using the laws even the fathers act to abuse the victims through the child and how these abusers are making fools of the services making them believe the victim is a liar or a bad person

Then parliament will be educated too thus highlighting to parliament
This needs to be stopped by
making sure all services dealing with victims of abuse get educated via woman’s aid as a legal law to stop all this victim blaming to stop all this abuse forever

[Author]

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