Can’t think what to do now

[Starsbright]

My abusive husband stormed out of the house in a rage (detail removed by moderator) months ago without his keys and I have refused to let him back in. He’s now renting a flat which he’s got (detail removed by moderator). At first he refused to accept that the marriage was over and was being nice and saying he wanted to move back in (detail removed by moderator). The mask slipped (detail removed by moderator) and he started raging and saying that the house is half his and he’s got a right to move back in and threatening to kick the door down. The house is owned outright and does belong to both of us but (detail removed by moderator) we have a post nup saying if we split up the house is mine. Anyway I can’t seem to Get my head around how to ensure he doesn’t get back in the house. Because I own half the house I can’t get legal aid and I’m worried about the legal costs and solicitors don’t seem to explain things to me or I’m thick. I just don’t know what steps to take in what order (no children involved). Can anyone advise?

[KIP.]

Do not listen to your ex. Abusers are liars. Make sure all his belongings are removed from the house so that gives him zero excuse to be there.report his threats to the police so that it’s logged. Ring the national domestic abuse helpline for advice about a non molestation order Which will prevent contact or him coming to your home and if breached he can be arrested. Keep all the evidence you have of his abuse and threats. Their mask alway slips when they don’t get their own way. Work on blocking him on everything. Come off social media for a while too. Most solicitors offer a free initial consultation so ring round a few of them and ask them to keep it simple. Contact your local women’s aid for advice and local support. Use a third party for all communication and message him not to contact you directly or you will report him to the police. After that don’t reply to any of his messages. After that it’s harrassment and you report him to the police. I know it sounds drastic and scary but it will save you a lot of emotional abuse and wasted energy. Ending a relationship is the most dangerous time for a victim so please be very careful. You have the right to live an abuse free life. It might also be worth asking a solicitor about an occupation order until the divorce is final it keeps him legally out of the property as I’m not sure about the legal side of a prenup with regards to ‘marital property’.

[Starsbright]

Hi Kip, thanks for your reply. I’ve tried to contact my local Women’s aid but it just goes through to answer machine and no one rings me back. I’ve spoken to a couple of solicitors but they wanted £2,000 before they would even start looking at doing anything and (detail removed by moderator). I’m feeling very lost to be honest

[KIP.]

He’s got a flat to rent for a year so that goes in your favour. It’s not like you made him homeless which could cause problems so I’d say use that year to get all your ducks in a row. You will need legal advice at some stage about the validity of the pre nup. And if he has right to other marital property but I’d take time to gather my strength. Are you legally separated? While youre married he can run up joint debt so take some basic advice from a solicitor. Rights of Women offer free legal advice on their helpline and it’s worth keeping trying that. (detail removed by moderator). Keep trying your local branch and the national domestic abuse helpline number. Keep reaching out. Yes you will feel lost but you won’t always feel this way. Just take baby steps and slowly gather the information you need to move forward. Most solicitors offer free initial advice before taking money for acting on your behalf x keep reaching out x

[Camel]

Hi Starsbright

As KIP says, you will need good solid legal representation at some point so best to get that organised first.

Find out whether the post nup can be contested. If it can’t then you have collateral, especially as there’s no mortgage. Maybe there’s a solicitor who will take payment once you sell. Or if you don’t want to sell, can you raise a loan on the property.

I have zero experience in this side of things but I do know how foggy your brain gets when you’re bombarded emotionally. You’re not thick, you just need to take things one step at a time.

[Bettertimesahead]

National centre for domestic violence helped me get an occupation and non molestation order. Cost me £(detail removed by moderator) to have it privately served

[Starsbright]

Thank you I’ll try them

[Cecile]

You don’t need a solicitor to apply for a non mol order. Download the application form from the court website and bring it to your local court for filing yourself. its very straightforward. Have you got a friend who could support you with this? I was in a similar situation and was advised to do this but my head was full of fear and anxiety and I couldn’t get the strength of will to do it myself. Looking back, I can see that I could have done it, been in control, as it really is straightforward.xx

[Author]

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