This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  fizzylem 1 week, 5 days ago.

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  • #99605

    That means no more visiting my elderly dad for a while. It’s been several years since I got rid of my abuser and although it’s sad I won’t be able to visit my dad (although I had my first FaceTime chat with him today only for a couple minutes) but I’ve had the last several years to be around him, visit him and support him. I know this wouldn’t have been possible if I were Still with my abuser so that’s another thing I’m so thankful for. He resented any time I spent with my family and even said about his own parents he wasn’t going to spend his retirement looking after old people. Can you imagine growing old and vulnerable with such a person. I’m blessed every day I’m away from him.

  • #99607

    I’m glad you had the opportunity of many years to care for your father without your abuser being around to stop you. They hate it when we turn our attention to our loved ones and punish us for it.

    Your father surely is incredibly proud of having a daughter as strong and caring as you and must be happy and at peace knowing you are safe and well.
    It is amazing that he is able to use FaceTime, it’s a big advantage for him to stay connected to you. If he needs anything special perhaps you can get it delivered to him through post?
    And is there a possibility for him to come to the window and you can see him from outside? I use to yell and sing grraaaaannnn when arriving at the care home of my grandma and she would come out on her balcony to greet us before entering the home. 😊

    Until you can visit him again, I’m sure the caretakers in the home will take excellent care of him.

    May you both stay healthy 💕

  • #99611

    It’s so sad isn’t it – we need to try and keep in touch as much as we can using other methods. Been thinking what if a loved one falls ill and is in need of some hand holding? Wonder if relatives can get suited up and be with those we love?

    When I was turning / realising how dreadful he was when we were together, one of my more helpful thoughts was, ‘he’ll never look after you in old age if you need it, in fact you know he’d leave you to get on with it’, he never looked after me when I was well or unwell, but when I was ill I was an inconvenience and he’d leave me alone for hours on end, hardly ever checked in on me, and reluctantly fetched me things if I asked for anything – so I know full well he wouldn’t have cared for me in old age – who wants to be with someone like that?! Yet if he needed me it would have been a given I am there to fetch and carry – to serve – that’s my job.

    Taking care of a loved one who is ill or dying is probably the time we feel most close, it’s a privillage really, when someone feels this vulnerable and allows you in – only those we love and trust can fill this space. Miss that don’t they.

    Hope this keeps him safe and well KIP x

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