16th November 2020 at 5:44 am #116405CatjamParticipant
He claims he has changed. Yeah so much change.
He dislikes my family, unfortunately only my sibling left. We are very close. I have not been there for them over the years because of him but I made a promise to myself that I would stand up for this relationship.
I have spent (detail removed by Moderator) helping them with house stuff. I haven’t slept away, but it meant he spent most of the days on his own. He was sulky when I came home the first night but claimed he had a headache then last night he had a “panic attack”. Claiming he was terrified he was going to lose me, I need to tell him I loved him.
The thing is the (detail removed by Moderator) I started having some sort of attack, I think I have had them before but never this bad. He basically redid how I had been. I’ve noticed it before, if I get upset over something he has done, a few weeks later he does the same.
Anyway our young grandchild was here as I take them to school while mum works. So I told hubby he needed to calm down so as not to scare the child.
He then declared he was trying so hard to fix things, not ringing me all the time even though he wants to but all I’m doing is snapping and being mean. That he hasn’t spoken to a person since leaving work (detail removed by Moderator). And? That’s most people at the moment, I work in (detail removed by Moderator) and you can see people really starting to struggle with this lockdown.
If I had come home (detail removed by Moderator) and he had been happy or had maybe had a quick tidy round I would have been pleased instead I got the reaction I usually get when I have seen my family.
But it’s given me the push I needed, I have reached out to refuge and intend on talking to someone today from women’s aid. I am also going to sort an appointment for legal advice. I can’t spend another (detail removed by Moderator) years with this man. Hopefully I can keep this going because I always feel pity for him as he clearly has no one really outside the family. I know I could run to 4 different houses for refuge, he has none.
16th November 2020 at 12:44 pm #116416Same-againParticipant
Change – the only thing they change is tact.
I find when I’m feeling guilty (I’ve made a statement to the police) I ask myself if HE would feel those emotions, if he would be thinking about me/my welfare?
No is the answer of course. He might of thrown me a crumb, a disingenuous one at that but actions speak louder than words. Mine clearly could not give a fig about me.
The people we love should have our back. These men not only don’t have it, they are the ones we need to protect ourselves from. They mean harm, it’s intentional.
As you say, with lockdown a lot of people are isolated. Last time I spoke to someone was my IDVA (god bless her) on Friday. Oh, and a brief chat at the local shop yesterday. 🙂
One positive thing to come out of this for me though is a new ability to be alone with myself. I think for me I have at times been afraid of loneliness. Avoided it and so it made it getting back with him all the more attractive. I’ve worked in a very social job for (detail removed by Moderator) plus years so I’ve found my much reduced world quite hard. Him on the other hand has been doing nowt for the past (detail removed by Moderator) years (not worked) and so he had the advantage on me there in that he’s whiled away years doing nowt/without much stimulation.
Anyways, I’ll stop waffling 🙂
Take care. xx
16th November 2020 at 12:57 pm #116417gettingtiredParticipant
Hi catjam, I think I understand what you mean about how they almost ‘re-do’ what’s happened to you and make it about themselves. I feel like if I’m ever ill or down when my partner claims he is, he doesn’t really show any care and always seems to make it like a competition. Of course, things are always far worse for him than me.
They have a way of always making sure their mental health is put above and before ours x
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