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    • #168284

      I asked him to move out (detail removed by moderator) after a (detail removed by moderator) incident of child abuse. I was scared to say I don’t want you in their life so I softened the blow of us separating at the time by saying he could still see the 2 children at (detail removed by moderator) After a really tough first few months things are finally settling into a new routine and the kids are a lot calmer and happier, and nothing harmful has happened. But if I am honest with myself, I would rather he didn’t see them as much/at all. How do I change things after all this time? We don’t have a court order in place it is just my arrangement at the moment, but he has said he may take it to court to get even more access to the kids. When I try to reduce the amount he sees them he gets angry (via text).

    • #168308
      Main Moderator

      Hi Spideymum,

      Thank you for your post. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. If there is no court order in place at the moment you don’t have to facilitate any child contact. You mentioned there was child abuse- you can report abuse at any time and it may help for these incidents to be logged with police.

      As you mentioned he has made comments about taking it to court- you may want to seek legal advice around all of your rights and options. Rights of Women are a voluntary organisation offering free, confidential legal advice on matters including family law, domestic abuse, children and child contact issues. Their Family law advice line can advise around domestic abuse; divorce, finances, cohabitation and property in relationship breakdown; parental responsibility and child arrangements. They are available on 020 7251 6577 (Tues-Thurs 7-9pm and Fri 12-2pm). They also have a line for women in London on 020 7608 1137 (Mon 10am-12pm and 2-4pm, Tues-Weds 2-4pm, Thurs 10am-12pm and 2-4pm)

      If you are worried about your child’s welfare, we would encourage you to contact the NSPCC helpline, which is staffed by trained professionals, who can provide confidential expert advice and support to those concerned about children, and parents looking for advice. They are contactable on 0808 800 500,

      Best Wishes


    • #168338

      Thank you for replying, that contact info sounds really helpful so I will contact them. The abuse was reported to the local safeguarding team each time so is documented and he admitted it. Does that mean if things go to court he is less likely to be given any unsupervised access? I think if I cut his access now he will definitely apply to court.

    • #168339

      Spideymum get some legal advice. Either from Rights of Women or find a family law solicitor. Some offer the first 30 mins consultation free. No one on this forum can tell you what order will be made in your case at court. The starting point on contact is often 50/50 but the precise arrangements will depend on your individual family circumstances particularly if you are raising safeguarding concerns.
      As you say contact has been happening and is going well with nothing harmful happening. Expect him to raise this to say that there is no reason to cut it down. It is the status quo and courts generally will look at what the status quo is as one of their many considerations. I do not know if he is currently having unsupervised contact but if he is and it is going well then expect him to raise this also. If he is currently having supervised contact then please seek legal advice on the chances of that moving to unsupervised in the light of the safeguarding concerns. As you are likely to trigger court applications if you change arrangements unilaterally then please get some legal advice before you act so you know what is likely to happen

      • #168340

        Thank you, i will seek some legal advice. I was worried the current arrangements would work against me, there has been no harm because I’ve been working hard to ensure there is no room for it.

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