This topic contains 14 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  Iwantmeback 2 months ago.

  • Author
    Posts
  • #70474
     Aaaaga 
    Participant

    Hi, does anyone got any experience with child arragment order?
    I hope in next few months I and my daughter will leave refuge. Father still got parental rights but hasn’t seen our daughter since we left. After few weeks of harrasment, threats and cancelling our daughter passport I changed my number and there is no contact between us. He stopped messaging my family and friends too.
    I spoke with passport office and if I want to reapply for passport for lo I need father’s permission or court order. I think I read all internet now and I think I’ll need child arragment order. The thing I’m stressing about is that judge will decide where child should stay and about visits by other parent. I’m just scared going to court will backfire at me.
    My ex is really manipulating person, very convincing and always making out he is the real victim (few of my “friends” are supporting him now and making out I’m bad because I’m not letting him see his child). I’m scared to go to court that he will make out I’m using child to get back at him (he was saying this to me while we were still in touch) but I’ve offered him contact centre. I didn’t want to agree for normal visits cos I knew he will say if I want her back I need to go back home… and I’ll never meet him in this house ever again. The social care worker also said that he’ll use our daughter to meet me.

    I really don’t know what to do. I’m not British my all family lives abroad. I wish I could go and visit them sometimes but thought about going to court and doing him a favour, just put me off x

  • #70477
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Ring Rights for Women for free legal advice. It may be where there is a threat to safety you don’t need his permission. There may be other ways round it. Maybe put you child on your passport or a temporary passport. I’m not sure but the passport office may be a good start x only you know how he will react. Take your time to think about it before acting. You’re safe at the moment.

  • #70478
     freedomtochoose 
    Participant

    Hello there,
    Whatever you do, however it goes, place it in forefront of your mind to be proving
    that you are acting in the best interests of your child/children. This includes
    maintaining good relations with the school/teachers etc. Not sure how old they are.
    If you do this, and can prove this, any judge would, I hope support you as a responsible mother
    doing a very difficult and responsible job. Hope this helps. I really know how scary this is,
    have been through it. Although Im’ a national, still was scary.
    all best
    and in solidarity
    ftc
    x

  • #70479
     Aaaaga 
    Participant

    Thank you for your replies. Unfortunately there is no way I can put her on my passport. I already rand embassy. I’ll definately ring rights for women.

    I have social care raport that he stated I am good mum and social care worker is happy with me keeping us safe. She is (detail removed by moderator) so still too young for taking her opinion under consideration.
    She is very excited to see me every day since (detail removed by moderator) so I know they see bond between us. I’m not worrying judge would decide that she should live with him (no job, no money, long criminal record. Recently he kicked off with social care worker, telling him he’s gonna find me and kill me and take our daughter away) I’m scared judge would decide about over night visits and I don’t think I would cope with that. And he is quiet now and I just want him to stay this way and going to court in his head will mean war x

  • #70480
     KIP. 
    Participant

    A court order might be a good idea. If he has threatened to kill you then the court may not even contact him. If you have enough evidence perhaps they will just order the passport in his absence. I know you can change a child’s name without permission when domestic violence has been involved so there may be something similar for passport or you might want to explore changing his/her name. Lots to think about. Just stay safe meantime. Sounds like you are both thriving x

  • #70483
     Aaaaga 
    Participant

    All threats are reported to police. I kept incidents and crime numbers. I wish I could change her name. Everytime I ring doctors or anywhere I need to give her details I feel mad that she’s got his name.
    Thank you x

  • #70493
     still…i…rise 
    Participant

    Hi when I was in the middle of court proceedings I applied for a passport for my daughter and was able to get one from the passport office without the fathers permission even though he has PR and without a court order. I explained the situation to them on the phone and they issued one. This was a first passport though so don’t know if it is different if your daughter’s has been cancelled. But might be worth calling again and speaking to someone else? Xx

    • #70496
       Aaaaga 
      Participant

      Hi, I know if it was her first passport I could do it. When we applied for her passport he was the one who sign declaration. I didn’t know that at time but it gave him power over her passport. He was the one who could cancel it, report it lost or damaged… I thought both parents can do it but it turns out to be privilege for a parent who sign declaration that’s why I need his permission. If I was the one who sign declaration for her first passport and be wanted to apply for one for her he would need My permission xx

  • #70497
     freedomtochoose 
    Participant

    Don’t know about this particular thing Aaaga, but I just wanted to offer solidarity and support long distance. You are being very strong and seem to be doing all the right things
    all best
    ftc
    x

    • #70498
       Aaaaga 
      Participant

      Thank you. Tbh I don’t feel strong at all and most days barely hanging here. Sometimes thinking about going back cos future seems to be overwhelming, but can’t do that to myself or my lo. Got no other choice than moving slowly forward xx

  • #70499
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    It’s situations like this that the relevant authorities have to be working together fir the benefit of the child and the mother. Have you tried to contact your local MP regarding this?
    IWMB 💕💕

  • #70501
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    don’t worry the courts wont order contact overnight if you have evidence that he has been violent. You’ve offered the contact centre so you are being reasonable. Maybe should go to see someone face to face re the passport? if its not too far to travel. Take along the evidence that you have? MP can write to help as above and maybe your solicitor? xx

  • #70502
     Aaaaga 
    Participant

    I’ve never thought MP could help me with domestic abuse matter. I’m looking currently for legal advice and I will check with solicitor what option is best for us. Unfortunately the closest passport office is few hours away.

    Thank you very much for all advices and support. It helps to still have a hope that one day everything will fall into place xx

    • #70519
       Iwantmeback 
      Participant

      Our mps, msp’s are very aware now of DA and go the extra mile to help where they can. WA work verra closely with politicians and really really do pull out the stops.
      IWMB 💕💕

  • #70503
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    Its along way away but I think its often worth going to see them in person xx I think they see how genuine you are, hope you get all the help and support you need luv diy mum xx

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

EXIT SITE

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ Jobs

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account