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hi – any thoughts / advice / experience on how to cope with sending a child off to abusive-ex. My daughter’s father has never been abusive to her – benign neglect because he only thinks of himself and what he wants, but he would not actively hurt her. However, he has lodgers who I don’t trust one iota and his partner swears a lot around her. The whole situation worries me. She is so little still – (detail removed by moderator). Until now he sees her only for a few hours each week but out of the blue he is demanding alternate full weekend access. She would be so unhappy with this and has hated the overnight stays she has had so far (detail removed by moderator). The abuse towards me is power/control and emotional abuse – and I am constantly scared of him. Of course I am very aware that many women go through much, much, much worse and then have to contend with sending their children to an abusive ex who could also actively harm their kids so I am really sorry if it seems daft to be worrying about this.
I know that if I say no to him about anything he starts to threaten and bully and sends me abusive and aggressive messages. I think my only option is to acquiesce and focus all of my energy on making our home a refuge/haven for us both – but I also know that bullies will continue and my daughter is learning from me … any thoughts or sharing of experiences would be really appreciated. thanks -
Stick to your guns, if anyone tries to force you into giving more than you are willing to with your child dig your heels in. Your gut instinct is telling you these other people are not safe to be around, please protect your baby. I didn’t do enough for mine and rarely see them as a consequence plus they are so messed up.
Contact rights for women, womens aid regarding this too, they can give you more advice.
Take care, and be safe, both of you.
IWMB đź’•đź’• -
No, love, this is not your only option.
Please speak to women’s aid, and rights of women.It may take you a while to feel stronger, however the situation is as you describe:
You have offered contact to your ex.
You do NOT need to offer more.
There is NO legal requirement to offer more.
So until and unless, you are required by a court to do so. Don’t do it.
Document everything.
You do not need to offer more. You have more choices than you think.
ftc
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