Child Contact

[Dragonfly]

Hi

I’m still having a problem with my son going to his dad’s. He’s supposed to go every other weekend. This is a mutually agreed arrangement. No courts involved. For the last (detail removed by moderator) the dad has decided to lay down a curfew of (detail removed by moderator) for my son. He’s said him and our son have agreed to this. My son says that’s not the case. My son wants to go out with his friends after his tea and that’s generally what happens at home but on the weekends the dad has him he’s not allowed out after (detail removed by moderator). Subsequently my son is now refusing to go to his dad’s.

His dad actually called me and ranted at me saying he’s to be in by (detail removed by moderator) even when he’s with me. I disagreed and told him there is no (detail removed by moderator) curfew at home. He even told me when son is supposed to be with him if he doesn’t come at (detail removed by moderator) then that means he’ll be staying at home (with me) and I won’t be able to go out)!. Now that obv struck a chord with me. I think this (detail removed by moderator) curfew is only there because he knows my son won’t go to his dad’s and will therefore stay with me ultimately cancelling any plans I may have. (It’s not like I go out a lot anyway).

I believe he’s doing this to control me, when I can and cannot go out. He only takes our son to keep the child maintenance payments as low as possible.

We’re getting divorced but my solicitor is reluctant to get involved in child care arrangements saying it’s better these things are all in place prior to going to court. I get legal aid, he doesn’t. It will cost him a lot of money if it’s decided through the court.

I could go back to the CMS and have them recalculate the maintenance but that’s just another notch on his belt because he’ll try to get even more money out of me in the settlement.

Long story, it’s my home not his but because we’re married he gets half the equity for the time we were married.

I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. How can I resolve this? I think they should see eachother. His dad never contacts him, doesn’t respond to my son’s calls or texts and he blocked my number. We have to rely on him contacting us.

[KIP.]

Sounds like your son is at an age that he can decide if he wants to see his dad. I wouldnt try to make him as i firmly believe that any contact with these dysfunctional people is not good for children. Lots of dreadful fathers out there and your son will have to face this fact at some point. I would deduct maintenance from his half of the equity so keep pushing for more CM.

[Dragonfly]

Yeah. My son’s a teenager. Quite sensible but obviously has the occasional moan haha. His dad’s attitude to me was ‘we’re the parents, we’re in charge, our son has no say’. I disagree with this. He does have a voice and should be heard. My son kind of shrugs his shoulders at the situation but I know he feels it. If it continues on his next scheduled visit them I’m making a call to the CMS.

[Confused123]

Hi Hun

As long as u have an idea where your child is and is safe , if his teenager i would say build relationship for him to keep in touch with u , why should u cancel your plans, thst just your ex trying to still control u . MY kids when were teenagers went out but just told me what time they’d be back and who they were with. doe syour ex think by keeping him locked in the house he wont go out, he will jump out of the window if he want to, or as u can see clearly just wont go to his dad

[Dragonfly]

Hi

Yes that’s exactly what the ex thinks. We know what teens are like they will push all buttons. I just think ex is being far too ‘my way or the highway’ in his attitude. I do go out when my son is with me but we always keep in touch and I’m not out late. I believe that’s what ex wants……for me not to be out late/to make sure I’m in!

May seem trivial but it’s causing unneeded stress. I’m sure it’s about control but he’s not getting that control again. I’ll just make other arrangements if poss.

[Author]

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