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    • #19281
      Anon123
      Participant

      Hello
      I’ve got a child in need meeting to attend. Any advice, hints or tips.
      Does anyone know,if my ex will also be invited?

    • #19285
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      If your ex is a full part of your childs life and there are no reasons he should not be there he will be invited. Prepare a list of questions you would like to ask if there is anything you want to know about the process and how things are actioned. If you have an idea of the kind of help you are looking for for your child again write it down so that when you are asked your opinions you have everything in front of you. Even the most confident person can be faced with a blank mind when put under pressure, you will feel far more at ease knowing that you have everything covered. Hope everything goes well. x

    • #19292
      Anon123
      Participant

      Thank you so much for your advise -should I have a list of all the problems that involve the child (generally caused by my ex! ) also how far back do you think this should this go.

    • #19293
      Ayanna
      Participant

      They start looking into things from birth usually. Even if he is there you need to tell the truth.
      Good luck! Stay strong! x*x

    • #19301
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Hi, The more information that the professionals have regarding your child the more they are able to help and tailor the plan to their needs. If there are issues/problems that affect them I would think that it would be beneficial for these to be highlighted so that solutions can be found. I don’t think there is a time limit on when you can go back to as long as the focus is on moving things forward, sometimes dwelling on the past is not particularly helpful. Has the social worker spoke to you and done a report before you have got to this stage? x

      • #19369
        Anon123
        Participant

        I have seen the social worker but I’ve not seen any report -I didn’t even know about this meeting until I got the letter in the post.
        Thank you for all the really helpful advice.
        I can generally remember some of the past -I always remember things too late – so I’m going to write anything down but I’m not sure about how to move things forward
        -any ideas????.
        -my ex to be better behaved and not yelling at me in front of children would help! Is that moving forward positively or is it that just a dream that’s never going to happen.

    • #19336
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hi Hun

      I had one of these when I left my ex and my son was showing disruptive behaviour, ex will be issued a letter to if his on the birth certificate , the point of meeting is to see if children are at risk and what support they need if they have nay issues, my first meeting was a introduction to all me and all the agencies involved which were school caf caf officer, my family support worker and the social worker who run the meeting. TRy and be strong, hope goes all well for u, see it as a meeting to protect u and children . I was lucky my ex refused to go as he felt the agencies were being interfering, they must of given u an indication why meeting is been held. I was just advised be wary what u say as they note everything but at same time try and be positive and see it as form of support

    • #19370
      Anon123
      Participant

      Thank you -I’m rather gutted /concerned about my ex could be there because I know he will be amazing in front of everyone but once we leave that could be a challenge with his behaviour. Plus he is soooo good at speaking and sounding really amazing and twisting everything so he will be /sound like the best dad ever.
      I really appreciate all the kind support and will remember to think before I speak as it’s going to be noted down.

      • #19375
        Anonymous
        Inactive

        Hi,

        I think that if your ex does show up, be polite and try not to get drawn into any arguments with him especially if he is apt to be able to talk the talk. Goodluck, hopefully it will go well and you will come out with a plan that will move your child forward. x

    • #19442
      Confused123
      Participant

      HI hun ,

      how did the meeting go , was it today? and dont worry about his brill perfomrance, my ex used to be same infrong f family suppport worker, she saw straight through him even though school loved him

    • #19707
      Anon123
      Participant

      My child’s school,think he is amazing too. How lovely that your social worker could see the truth. I do hope mine will realise as well.
      I’m struggling to sleep as my child keeps,telling me loads of stuff that’s happened but won’t share it with anyone else. I feel if I just say ive been told this…the professionals won’t believe me, any ideas on getting your child to share with others I.e.school,,professionals when they are too scared due to past experiences when they have shared and nothing was done,

    • #19726
      Confused123
      Participant

      HI

      I told my children its ok to tell the truth about what they saw or how they feeling as they agencies are here to help us recover and protect us. It was my family support worker not the social worker, the social worker was always trying to work me out or should i say judge me , i would disclose whatever it is your child has told u if his/her saftey is at risk

    • #20536
      Anon123
      Participant

      I haven’t replied for a while as I didn’t want my ex to know when it was as he wasn’t there. He is going to be invited to the next one.
      It went well although I’m struggling a bit as I’ve been told if u fail,to protect the children they will be going down the child protection route.
      I’ve got a court order which I’ve been sticking to -I’ve taken it back to court and have the judge tell me we need to get along! Police been little help. I feel I’ve done my best for the children and other than stopping contact and breaking the court order I can’t do much.
      So ive go to take back to court again -anyone been in a similar situation?
      Feel I’m coping with just the basics at the moment never mind this on top.
      Also they want me to go to the gp as they feel I’m anxious. Is that a risky road to go down as I don’t want anyone to think I’m not coping when I am when it’s not him being awful.

    • #20539
      godschild
      Participant

      Hi, All so unjust as ever, the judges want to try to get along with these men when they are being abusive !! it is impossible to get along with them , the judges need to learn about DV.
      Go along to the GP , be strong show you are fine and say you dont feel you need any help you will get them off your back by going xxxx

    • #20543
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Hi,

      I am glad your meeting went ok, no one will think bad of you for feeling anxious nor will they think you cannot cope. In the early days I hid my anxiety issues and problems with going out as I was worried that they would think I could not cope. Thing is it shows either way even when we think we are doing a good job of hiding it. The gp will help you either via meds or some form of cognitive behaviour therapy or a bit of both. What social workers want to see is that you are taking their advice, getting help if you need it and doing your best to look out for your children. From what I have just read you are doing all of the above and there should be no need for child protection. Someone said to me quite recently there is nothing weak about needing a bit of help , I still struggle with that but I see the logic. xx

    • #20614
      Anon123
      Participant

      Thank you a little lost for your wise words especially there is nothing weak about needing a bit of help.

    • #20817
      Anon123
      Participant

      Why is my ex behaving worse when social services are involved ? Makes no sense
      Is he trying to see how much he can get away with, or making himself look better when he decides to ‘improve ‘
      Feels really upsetting.
      Just feels like as an adult it was awful for me to leave but eventually I managed to do it -yet the children have no choice, they have to see their dad even despite his behaviour.
      I wish I was able to protect them and let them enjoy their childhood without this fear. It’s awful they are not protected.
      Anyone feel like I do – that the abuse is exactly like what you went through.

    • #20851
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      HI Anon, I have a similar situation, he acts up when agencies are involved I think in some respects in our case anyway it is so I make them go away. In your case I think he is almost trying to provoke you so you are the unreasonable one. Classic example for me tonight was ringing the police and he was full on threatening mode, as soon as he knew I was on the phone to them he turned into a little boy and started waffling on about how he hated his life blah blah blah. I give up, all you can hope is that the social workers etc see through the facade they put on for them xx

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