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    • #135211
      Whitegoddess
      Participant

      Hi everyone,
      It’s been just over (detail removed by Moderator) since I left my abusive ex and went to my Mums with the kids. We are enjoying being in a loving environment!
      I’m still struggling at times but positive for the future! Looking forward to one day getting our own home!
      Our youngest Daughter stayed the night at her Dads (detail removed by Moderator) for the first time since we split up. She had only wanted to go for tea before. My oldest daughter stayed too. This was the first night I had had on my own and my ex decided to acuse me of going out with another man then went on about me having been cheating on him because I couldn’t possibly of just left him because I wanted a better life for the girls and me!! He’s been so nasty about stuff and keeps messaging which is a knock back mentally. I’ve warned him to only message about the kids. But he won’t listen. Our youngest Daughter told me that whilst her Dad was putting her to bed he told her that I was out with another man. I was so angry!! I was at home with my Mum and Brother! I was fuming!! I told her it wasn’t true and we don’t tell lies in this house!! I mean really? Her first night with him and he is saying this to her?

    • #135233
      Wants To Help
      Participant

      Hi whitegoddess,

      Well done for staying away and not going back, you are doing so well.

      His actions don’t surprise me at all. These men grill the kids for information about what we’re doing and then fill their heads with their belief of what is really going on. They want the kids to take sides in some way, they get the kids caught up in the conflict and this makes them confused and uncertain. They are far too young to understand the dynamics of a broken relationship but get all of the fallout and anger of it dumped on them. It is so unfair for them and it is emotionally abusive.

      He is too fuelled with rage and anger to actually enjoy spending quality time with his children and doing fun things with them. Instead he is filling them with his anger and beliefs. Nothing you can do or say to him will make any difference, tempting as it might be. If you contact him about what your children have told you it will just give him an opportunity to yell at you some more.

      All you can do is explain to your children that Daddy doesn’t know what you do when they go to stay with him and just assure them that you are at home with Grandma and Uncle. You could try and ask them what they think Daddy is doing now, and they may come up with guesses, and you can explain that’s exactly what they are – guesses, because the reality is, they don’t really know.

      Anyway, what you do on your child free weekends is your business, so even if you were out with another man, so what?

    • #135459
      Whitegoddess
      Participant

      Hi wants to help,
      Thanks so much for the reply. He has has a new woman pretty much straight away and I think he is just deflecting what he is doing onto me! Which is what he always did!!
      I haven’t heard from him so much recently as his focus is taken up with her!! He’s not making much of an effort with the children. It’s so hurtful! But I knew this would happen as he was exactly like that with me!!
      I’m speaking to a mediator tomorrow but I don’t think he will agree to it!
      Yeah, like you said what I choose to do with my time now is my business!

    • #135468
      Camel
      Participant

      Hiya, hopefully he made all these wild accusations by text? It’s evidence of continuing control.

      Wondering what you’re going to mediation for? Is it for divorce proceedings? If he doesn’t engage, more power to you. You’re doing everything right.

    • #135474
      Whitegoddess
      Participant

      Hi Camel,
      Yeah. He did make them all via WhatsApp which I have copies of! He’s just deflecting onto me what he has been doing!
      As far as he is concerned everything is sorted with the children and finances but it’s more than that. I have concerns regarding our kids safety whilst staying with him because he is drinking again. He is also bad mouthing me to them. About (detail removed by Moderator) months ago I found a load of empty jack Daniels bottles underneath his work van seat so I concerns about that too!
      I want to speak to her about finances too.

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