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Can anyone please tell me why the courts /law think it is in the child’s best interests to have a relationship with an abuser forced upon them?
My daughter’s father is emotionally amusing both of us (&the legal advice I’m getting essentially is “you must be nice to him otherwise he can claim you’re being vindictive.. Tut tut”)
I would love to take her back to my home country but it’s “not in her best interests” to have a loving non abusive family around her – instead she must spend regular time with the man who tells her that “mummy isn’t coming. She’s left you. You won’t see her again… You mustn’t speak to your grandparents..” etc etc amongst other very damaging beliefs, ideals and nastiness
Can someone please explain the logic?!?
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at the moment in the family courts there is this ‘the right to family life’ all because previously women made false allegations of abuse with regards to fathers so ‘fathers rights groups swung this’ they tied themselves to railings ok that fine in a context of an non -abusive father fair play. in the context of non proven and even in proven cases of domestic abuse the same rules apply 1 because there arent enough courts staff to the ratio of litigants and 2 there is no funding for professionals such as child psychologists etc
unfortunately and this is what i feel we still have a culture of victim blaming so the woman is still often blamed. we are then made to feel guilty and dont tend to claim our rights (unlike these very entitled men who do)
we are asked to be reasonable about contact but we are faced with an array pf problems; how do we communicate about kids with an abusive man? how do we cope with continuous forced contact? how do we send our children into abusive situations every weekend?
at the moment the only way to counter act this is to try – unfortunately until detrimental health problems in our kids show – professionals have to relay this otherwise we are accused of alienation. this can be done but it does take alot of work pain and suffering first. this is how it is at the moment BUT slowly things are moving forward. we have to campaign collectively because this is a question of ?responsibilty on the fathers part over his rights (or lack of shall we say) i believe all men with a history of any kind of doestic abuse should be allowed supervised access only and if over a period of time this show to be detrimental to the child then it should be stopped and reduced to nil xxxxx
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what i should say is i was told that it has been proven that it is detrimental for a child not to have both parents in their life- which in normal circumstances yes thats probably true. in an abusive relationship though the father undermines the mother and sometimes puts the child at risk – i think ending the father child/relationship is in the best interest of the child and thats what needs to change. when the benefit out weighs the risk x*x
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I wish you the best Getusout, I can relate, I know first hand how difficult it is to have family abroad and not being able to move there with your child even it that would be the healthiest option for you both, the law says differently. I think DYI has it right, the law has been set up for non-abusive parents, assuming they play fair which goes out the window of course with these abusers. Your solicitor has advised you well that no you aren’t allowed to legally leave the country, not without a written agreement from your husband anyway, he will be able to accuse you of child abduction using The Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction.
Tread carefully within your legal rights, I really hope you find a way out of this abusive situation for yourself and child. Wishing you the best
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