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I am so pleased that I got through Christmas and New Year. I had planned to meet a friend or go to something (like a carol service) every day. Even though I got sick, I actually enjoyed myself.
He did, as I expected, send a Xmas present to my (relative removed by Moderator). He wouldn’t dream of offering me a present so I’m sure it was just a manipulative move on his part. I have responded to things like that in the past by thinking “Oh he’s so nice etc.” Not this time.
So I’m proud of myself. I am noticing that I am not longing for contact with him which is a miracle. I am thinking about things that happened that I didn’t call abuse at the time but now I see more clearly. I am getting angry about what he did to me and how I couldn’t stop it. I would rather not think about these awful things but maybe I have to in order to let go.
I told a couple of friends a little about the abuse but they don’t seem to know what to say so I will stop sharing. I am telling people that we have split up though and I don’t give a reason.
As some kind person here told me, it does get easier and the longing does stop. It just takes time. So I’ll keep going on my freedom journey one step/day at a time.
I cannot imagine getting into another relationship though. It fills me with terror. But I can see lots of good things and adventures in my future.
Hugs to all who have just left or are thinking about leaving. It IS possible.
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