18th December 2015 at 9:27 pm #6321
I am spending much of Christmas staying with my inlaws, all the brothers, sisters in law, cousins. I am doing it for my daughter. She needs to be in a bustle of family and with littles (even though she is stil the youngest). My family is small and there are no young kids. Everyone knows what has happened, what my husband did but this will be the first time I have seen most of them face to face since it happened. I know they all want to show support to me but also they are his family. He will be there. We will have to share a room because the house will be stuffed. Three nights. Separate beds. I know that the Christmas period will be a fantasy period of suspended reality for me. I am not looking forward to my support worker being away and my therapist. If it were just me, I’d go away somewhere or stay at home and lock the doors. But I have my darling daughter and this’ll be the first Christmas she’ll really ‘get’. Presents, tree, Santa, stockings. There is a part of my husband which is sort of pretending nothing has happened – apart from his moving out. I say I haven’t been sleeping well and he says: ‘Couldn’t you distract yourself with something nice, something so you don’t have to think about your worries all the time?’ This sort of comment is kind but totally weird too. It is wrong to be comforted or given advice by the man who pushed me down the stairs and tried to strangle me. And he doesn’t quite get that my friends, or parents of friends of our daughter are not inviting him to things they are inviting me and her to. He did get the whole separation thing and how my friends will not want to see him, but now he is beginning to forget that. He said, ‘Well, they’ll take their lead from you. If you say you want me to come they’ll be fine with that. If you say to them I am not to be invited then they’ll follow what you want.’ But no, they have their own views and mostly they are not looking positively towards him. It breaks my heart to tell him this. I am feeling very lonely this evening.
18th December 2015 at 11:00 pm #6332LisaMain Moderator
Really sorry to hear that you are dreading the Christmas period so much. Are you sure you are not putting too much pressure on yourself by seeing your ex partner and all his family? I know you feel that it’s the right thing to do for your daughter but sometimes we can get so built up with what we think we ‘should’ do and actually what maybe would be good for your daughter is for you to be happy and relaxed this year.
Christmas can be a very stressful time of year for many people. Continue posting about how you feel, also it might help you to call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 and speak to someone there about your situation. Remember that they can offer you emotional support so try not to worry too much about not having your support worker.
We are all here for you too. You are not alone.
19th December 2015 at 7:38 am #6336
Thank you Lisa. I will keep the Helpline number with me in case I need it. I am really not sure what is best, for me or for my daughter. I need to think a bit more about it. I will keep posting. It is good to be back here.
19th December 2015 at 7:46 am #6342Falling SkysParticipant
Having you strong and calm is the best Christmas for your daughter. Don’t put yourself in danger.
I always wanted the big family Christmas but in reality it was a nightmare.
If you want to change your mind at any time you can and it’s only one day xx
19th December 2015 at 8:20 pm #6375
Hello Falling Skys
I am reconsidering things. I think I need to ask someone – ma in law, sisters in law etc – if it would be possible to have separate rooms. I don’t feel comfortable not having shared a room for several months. I’m aware though that the house will be full to bursting so this may not be an option. I sort of wonder why my ma in law would think it reasonable to expect me to share with him. She knows what he did. xx
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.