Clare’s Law, how does it work?

[Anonymous]

Hi ladies,

I have just discovered that my ex-partner has a new girlfriend. When I was with him I used the Clare’s Law request form online and was contacted by the police on the phone that they had no information to disclose to me but were very kind and said that of course that doesn’t mean it hadn’t happened to anyone he was with before me (it had). I haven’t made any official report to the police regarding his behaviour, either when I was with him or since I left.

How does Clare’s Law work if I want to “warn” a new partner? He was absolutely vile to me, I am still in counselling for rape quite a long time later (though not sure how well this is going and have referred for EMDR, thanks to all who recommended this). Is it even possible?

Thanks in advance, lots of love to all x

[KIP.]

What I did was speak to the police and ask them to warn his current girlfriend. I had already made a statement to them about his abuse so I’m not sure if you’d have to make a statement first or they would take your word for it. It’s definitely worth asking. You could speak to victim support and perhaps they could help you make a statement. Rape is such a hard crime to prove but if there are more women willing to come forward then the police can use the combined statements as corroboration x I definitely don’t regret reporting or following through. I did everything I could to protect other women. He’s not my problem anymore x

[Watersprite]

Hello you can call 101 You can ask them to make a disclosure to his GF. They may ask you if you want to report your experiences. So think a bit about that it’s not an easy path. I don’t know if they would make a disclosure without your report and without anything on the system about him or not – someone else will know. I do know if they think they have enough they hold a multi agency meeting and IF they decide it’s right to make a disclosure will offer her a disclosure and invite her in they won’t name you as it is a services decision and she would be told not to tell anyone or will be breaking the law. I hope that helps – it’s so so hard isn’t it pour all your energy into you – he doesn’t deserve a scrap of your headspace you are worth so much more x

[Anonymous]

Hi KIP,

Thank you so much, as always, for your advice x It wasn’t just rape, there was everything else, financial, emotional, mental etc. I have had help from a local domestic abuse charity which has just ended recently as well as the rape counsellor. My doctor is aware too.

I was thinking I would perhaps have to make a statement – I will contact victim support and see what they say. What worries me more than anything is she has small children and, not wanting to be too identifying, I had concerns over his behaviour towards one of his own daughters. It also appears to be the case that he has moved in with her so even more alarm bells.

It maybe sounds silly to say this but it’s not that I care about him anymore – I care how he has made me feel, how I have changed as a person, the ongoing struggles I am having dealing with the aftermath of his behaviour towards me – but I’m concerned the police may think, after quite a long time, that I’m some silly, jealous woman!

I’m glad you’ve said you don’t regret reporting – I think that was one of my concerns initially but now I feel like sod it, he ISN’T my problem, and if I can help someone else that’s the main thing. I would never want anyone to go through what I have been through.

Thank you again KIP x

[Anonymous]

Hi Watersprite, thank you so much for your reply x

That is very interesting to know I could phone 101. That is what the lady told me who rang me back after my Clare’s Law request years ago, that if I ever had anything I wanted to tell them just to phone that number. She was ever so kind and a huge part of me wishes that all those years ago I had had the confidence to do just that and perhaps I would have been rid of him sooner.

That process sounds very clear and makes sense to me. I certainly have some things to think about, as I have just replied to KIP, I may ring victim support too.

I am slightly concerned that he may find out it was me, but if she is told it is against the law to tell anyone if she is given information, then that is some protection surely. This is very nerve-wracking but I am still in the home where everything happened and I wouldn’t want my worst enemy feeling how I feel still being here. That is not to say I don’t feel better, for anyone reading who is yet to leave. I am light years better than I was. But no-one should feel uneasy in what was once a warm and safe space, that is what goes through my mind with the new girlfriend.

Thank you again x

[iliketea]

Can you report if it didn’t end in court? Or if it was family court only for non-mol or similar. Is there a threshold if you know what i mean? I cant find much online but I would also like to report him as times gone on, and it also continues in a different way, Im realising more and more and remembering more and more, its incredible how much trauma can blank your memory. I suppose its a survival instinct.

[Watersprite]

3cats if you have concerns about him and potentially very serious ones around children you need to report it – if you choose not to do it with 101 who will want to know more if concerns raised about children as rightly they have a duty of care. Instead you can call children’s services or NSPCC it can be done anonymously which will carry less power but is so much better than nothing being done. You are doing amazing even if it doesn’t always feel like it x*x

[Watersprite]

Iliketea – you can report to police at any time although some crimes have time limits but even if they can’t evidence it will help of anyone else comes forwards in the future. Police would guide you it’s not an easy journey …it’s a hard choice. Re Clare’s law I’m doubtful they would do anything unless its been reported to police unless significant concerns about children – but I don’t know – Lisa can you help? If you want to do it then do even if it comes to nothing you are taking your power back . No more hey x*x

[Anonymous]

iliketea – that is exactly how I feel! My counsellor is said it’s almost like your brain reminds you of things only when it feels “safe” to do so, if that makes sense? It took a good long while for me to realise that the sex side was rape. You’re right, there’s not a lot of information online, but there’s always knowledgeable people on here who I can’t thank enough. Keep strong lovely, if you ever want to PM feel free x

Watersprite – there was one incident inparticular that I will never ever forget that really made me concerned, I told his ex-wife (mother of his kids) and she basically laughed me away which made me think I was going mad. But time has given perspective and I know what I “experienced” that time. Thank you again, you’re so sweet, I think NSPCC may be the way forward with this one. This has really opened a can of worms but perhaps that can needed to be opened and I shouldn’t be afraid of that, if I can help anyone else he comes into contact with x

[Lisa]

Hi 3Cats

I can see that you have had such helpful replies. I just wanted to add that there should be more information on your local Police force website about how Clare’s Law works. I’m sure if you called 101, and asked to speak to someone about Clare’s Law for more information, they can explain whether you would need to make a full report and whether it is likely that they would be able to make a disclosure to the woman at risk.

Take care and please keep posting,

Lisa

[Author]

Posts