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I woke up in a cold sweat and panic, thanks to KIP I had the TV on playing low music so I quickly felt safe again.
But… It was horrible and in some ways not.
Yesterday I sent off my last evidence for someone I trust to look over and she had me elaborate in places. Now I just need to send it to the police officer. Instead I fell asleep. And dreamt I was back together with him. He threatened to leave me if I would send it off. I let him walk out, I didn’t beg. He came back trying to hug me. Instead I told him off for having used his barrister to further abuse me. He pretended to be upset. Instead I asked him if anyone else had done what he had done to me, would he not think they had deserved to be arrested. He started his rationalisation of how not necessarily. So I told him I was done talking to him about it and went to send the evidence. He tried logging in to my accounts to keep me out. I told him to stop controlling me. He whispered in that menacing voice of his that I was a f***ing liar and went to strangle me like he so often did. While I pressed send.
And I woke.
I feel a shift. It’s just a dream, but I stood up to him. I’m still soaked in sweat but he isn’t here. I have lied, lots. I’ve lied and covered for him for years. I lied to him to avoid assaults. I lied when he asked me to make up things so I wouldn’t be so boring.
But I’m not lying now.
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ooh this a very strong dream showing exactly that your strength. youve got to that stage where your ready to face this. with dreams i feel its abit like what happens in therapy in our minds eye we can explore it again safely – we can go over it again and sort off expose ourselves again. i havent had much therapy but i know that when people who have say phobias are expose again and again to the thing they fear they realise theyre actually safe. i think the later part that your saying im not lying now shows you know who you are – your steadily getting you back. that lovely amazing lady your getting strong this is wwhere youll see a good outcome he will be brought to justice i believe through your belief in your truth. you see it and him for what he is xxxx love diymum
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Alwayssorry, the nightmares have just started for me too! It’s so rattling isn’t it. I’m glad you got to stand up for yourself in your dream. In my nightmare the other night was about him and his father calling me crazy and pushing me into walls in my house that he isn’t allowed to be at. The bit where you said – f$&&$&g liar stood out to me because I can imagine my ex saying this to me through gritted teeth. Thank you for being so brave for sharing. I hope you get a break from the nightmares soon. I always dream now and just wish that I didn’t xx
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Thanks ladies x
I feel it’s me coming to terms with the fact that of course he calls me a liar and will continue to call me a liar. Because it is true – but it’s also an admission of a sorts from him because he wwas the reason for the lies, to protect him, to protect me, to obey him. So I think I had to accept that because who likes a liar? But I think it was you KIP who said in another thread that we do what we have to in order to survive. My lying was a survival mechanism.
Yes, WA told me to change passwords and force logouts of all accounts when I called them the day after the last assault. I do remember feeling a certain sense of joy forcing him out of my streaming service account which he had the audacity to use to watch documentaries about serial killers (!) on.
I think this was in my subconscious because this was one of the parts I was asked to elaborate on, how he did infact have my passwords (I have a message where he wants my password after I had changed it). There could be surveillance apps on the laptop I used to have that he had access to, however he has never had access to the one I’ve used for the past many months, I received it after the relationship had ended. My phone though… I haven’t actually checked that. I will look up how to. Thanks for the heads up x
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Its on waking isnt it, it’s an ‘is this real’ feeling and you do go through all the horrid emotions as well in the dream. Hope you’re ok AS, a dream like this can stay with us for a while, but it sounds like you’ve processed it and feel you understand what bought it on. Freud would say dreams hold messages for us and contain our fears and desires. Hugs x
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“I lied when he asked me to make
up things so I wouldn’t be so boring.”Of all the things I’ve read on here, that is the most poignant. That is heartbreaking. It brought a lump to my throat. You deserve so much more than that. I hope you get him out of your life and that you make a full recovery and find peace. ❤️
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There’s so much in your dream AlwaysSorry.
I saw the title of your post and had to ignore it, because of it all being a bit too close to my own struggles.
I just saw the title at the top of the topic list list again and decided to have a quick peak. So glad I did!
Really sounds like a pivotal dream, a massive profound turning point for you internally.
You found your voice, you spoke your truth, you saw his tactics, and you called him out, repeatedly, and you perfectly described the switch between tactics as one fails to have the intended result so another is adopted.
It’s something you can do in a dream, safely, as, exactly as your dream predicted, it escalates as each tactic fails, resulting in his switching to physical.
We know the predicted course of action with them, and the warning is clear, but so is the clarity you have and the strength.
These things play out in my dreams over and over and my take away is the futility and risk in being in proximity of any sort with my perp. We can answer, and find our voice, but their abuse just escalates, so keep safe.
You have now a great perspective on it, one that shows you have separated to a large degree from it to be able to view it in this way.
It’s a leap forward in your recovery!
Onwards and upwards!
Warmest wishes
TS
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Aww thanks ladies, now I have a lump in my throat but out of – dare I say – joy.
Seeingclearly – he took away everything that made me me, prevented me from doing the things that I enjoyed, often refused to take me out with him to anywhere really, to the point where all I did outside of him was work. But he wasn’t interested in knowing what my job entailed, so talking about my day once his 2-hour lecture of his day had ended, well it was really only 20-30 seconds of me saying anything because then he would call me boring. And sometimes that wouldn’t be enough, it would be too easy of a put down it seemed, so he would tell me to lie and make up something about my days so I wouldn’t be so boring. And I did. I think I’ve struggled a lot internally but not wanted to admit it that I was a liar.
TS – I’m sorry if the title triggered you, I can understand why you avoided reading the post and I hope you are doing okay and I just wanted to say I really appreciated your view. I kind of want to call it a dream more than a nightmare, but I woke up in fear so it certainly suggests nightmare, but yes it played through all their tactics and I have sent off the last pieces of evidence to the police officer dealing with it now, because if I could go through with sending it off in a dream with him trying all of his tactics, then the real me can send it off too.
It’s out of my hands now.
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Two things really jump out of your post for me; firstly, how sad you are. (It made me sad just reading it) But mainly how brave you are. I’m not going to lie to you, getting free and going through the legal process aren’t easy, but for me I have absolutely no regrets. My ex was like yours – not one bit interested in me. I’m not even sure he knows what I do for a living. He was only interested in the money it generated. But being that self-centered makes them boring not us.
You go girl!! Keep us posted x
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Dear AlwaysSorry
No need to apologise honestly! I only mentioned it as it was such a complete contrast and so positive in your post from reading the title. It was my interpretation of what might follow, that didn’t 😁 if that makes sense.
It was good!
So impressed that you have acted against him this way. Keep strong, and safe xx
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