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I guess I’m trying to figure out if my response to the abuse is normal. I’ve finally realised what I’ve been putting up with and it’s taken having a baby with him for me to be able to be stronger and actually acknowledge it. Within a few weeks of the birth my sex drive shut off (possibly related to breast feeding too) but I also don’t want my husband to touch me or even look at me sexually. When we have a good day together he tries to touch me more and be affectionate and my instinct is to reject him and sometimes I can’t catch myself before I wince or “ignore” the advance and then I risk him throwing or punching something in frustration. But I just don’t want him near me! I tell him I don’t want a divorce but only because of fear of his reaction. We get on well and have similar sense of humour and we love our baby so much but I don’t want to be with him. We do something sexual (detail removed by Moderator) and it’s my least favourite part (detail removed by Moderator) and he knows I don’t really want to be part of it but at least he doesn’t force me to have sex with him.
I just need some support for the situation I’m going through as it’s so difficult to talk to the people around you about the whole picture. I told my GP the situation and am waiting for someone to call me that she’s referred me to but it’s been 8 working days since I went.
Every day I get closer to my maternity leave finishing and my husband hasn’t worked since (detail removed by Moderator) so he’s always around and it’s really starting to affect my mental health because this should be my time with our child. Then I feel selfish for thinking that. Why is it all so difficult?!
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Sorry you’re feeling all this. As if having a newborn isn’t hard enough, having one in an unhappy / abusive environment is a whole other level. It took having a child with him for my eyes to open a bit more, all his previous excuses now didn’t wash.
When you say he’s not forcing you to have sex, are you sure? You say it’s your least favourite part (detail removed by Moderator), you’re not enjoying him touching or looking at you – a truly loving, supportive, equal partner would accept your answer is no and look to find ways to support you together – but that’s not the world we live in in these circumstances. Have you read Lundy Bancroft’s book’why does he do that’ it was a great help for me.
Give your Gp a nudge, talk to your health visitor too. You should be enjoying this time, its precious and these types of relationships/people spoil it for us xx
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