Coercive behaviors

[Tobfree]

Is being guilt tripped and feeling scared confused bullied walking on egg shells etc etc by his punishments and cruel mistreatments towards me even when it seems kind their hidden intent which is not good towards me lots of the time
Is all this coercive behaviours

[BeautyMarked]

I’m no expert and trying to navigate all of this myself, but everything you say absolutely sounds coercive and controlling behaviour. You should not have to put up with any of this and as hard as it is I hope you can get free x

[gladtobefree]

I think coercive behaviour has us all questioning if it is coercive or not. It’s comes in all different forms and sometimes is very subtle. I think that anything that makes you feel uncomfortable is not right. My ex partner is not the aggressive type outwardly and is quite the opposite yet he managed to make me feel guilty and question of if I was the abusive one all the time. He did eventually show an aggressive side after I had our baby as he knew u could not fight back and was vulnerable. I read an interesting thing about abusive people the other day and it outlines the common phrases that they use such as saying “sorry” often yet not meaning it or “you are always acting like this”. I have heard them all and after I researched these behaviours it made it easier for me to understand what was happening and how to deal with it xx

[Twisted Sister]

Dear tobfree

Yes, the punishments and cruel mistreatments that mean you are forced to behave differently, to therefore be under his control. Coerced through fear, of punishments, of consequences, of guilt of suffering because he’s makes himself out the victim, because he might kill himself, or threaten to kill you or harm you. All ways of coercively controlling someone.

Brooding, silent treatment, gaslighting. All manipulative behaviours to make you do as you’re told and remove your free will.

It’s a pattern of behaviours, deliberate tactics to control you.

Warmest wishes

TS

[Tobfree]

Thanks for sharing and your advice ladies
Its so very hard he can be so cruel and cold the punishments silent treatment then taking no responsibility for his actions at all
Or rarely when he says sorry he still blames me

Yet he can also be so kind and loving too

So he swings from mr nice to mr nasty

Yet the intent is mostly there to have control

And it can be so hard to spot as it can be so subtle the coercion and it can even be disguised in jokes etc

[Faraway]

Hi tobefree, yes this is definetly a form of control. You change your behaviour to avoid the punishments which I then sends a message to our brain that we are the problem. It’s completely messing with your mind. It’s like dealing with a child having a temper tantrum and you just want to give them the Lolly because you want the screaming to stop even though you know it is not right. It’s so good that you are aware of this and you are on to his tactics. In the end I would try to live a totally seperate life with my own friends but that made the punishments worse because he had no control or then we would punish the children for nothing. Then I would pander to his needs because I was protecting the kids. It’s a sick cycle. Keep reading, keep getting stronger!!! Big hugs

[Author]

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