26th May 2020 at 7:00 am #104352GirlvoiceParticipant
So I’m new to writing my feelings out and telling people my problems because I dont want a pity party. But my family are so sadistic sometimes I don’t like it . My mum is my biggest enemy you should have a close bond with your mum but I dont I feel she takes advantage of me and so does my husband .. hes very cowardly and will blame me for the coercive control I’m constantly criticized by the way I look . What clothes I wear . How I do my hair . My mum manages some of my budget as I have asperger’s syndrome it’s very hard to live day to day … my husband will use coercive control to abuse me I feel trapped I have no identity when I bring up the issues with parents that me and my husband facing no one wants to listen everyone turns a blind eye … I feel torn and conflicted like should I leave I only gave a little baby I dont want him to think hes mum didnt care for him .. I’m scared they are going to turn my baby against me and poison his mind my mum having care of my baby whilst I’m going through mental illness is causing me so much pain its unbearable. My husband doesn’t care all he really cares about is sex I’m just merely an object to him … he has no ambition in life for tears in my eyes typing this for years I believed it’s my fault my actions my asperger’s syndrome I’ve only recently been diagnosed with unstable disorder too my life is crumbling and I cant do anything about it . My family are not supportive at all nor or my extended family .. I’m in a horrible nightmare I think of overdosing but I have a baby so I dont want anything bad to happen yet I’m so lost … I feel worthless undermined and completely lost in.my self I feel so isolated that even if someone offered to be my friend and help me out the situation I feel I couldn’t cope … I’m a living corpse only living for my baby if wasmt for him I dont think I would be alive right now ..my family treat me so poorly it’s actually degrading my mum will shout and constantly say I’m not good enough daughter. Then I married and I feel I’m not a good enough wife now I have I baby and now feel I’m not a good enough mum . They have chipped away at my confidence so much I doubt myself and constantly ask for reassurance from the family I’m constant conflicted do I leave or do I stay and accept my fate as in islamic religion you should make ur marriage work and not divorce my parents wont let me go outside to meet my adult white friends I’m also told I’m to english if I have a different opinion to them I’m really stuck with my life .. I want to get and break free but I dobt have it in me anymore
26th May 2020 at 8:04 am #104354starqueenParticipant
It sounds like you’re in an awful situation girlvoice, sending you lots of love. If it’s safe to I’d suggest ringing the helpline for some advice, and writing down what’s happening. If it’s not safe to call you could also try using the live chat on the Women’s Aid site. You shouldn’t have to put up with this from people who are meant to love and support you.
26th May 2020 at 10:08 am #104363LisaMain Moderator
I just wanted to show you some support. I can see that starqueen has given some really good advice, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service
(weekdays 10am – 4pm and 10am – 12pm weekends). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/
Your mum and husband sound very abusive and controlling, it is not acceptable for them to treat you this way. If you did leave, you could take your baby with you and go into a refuge which is a safe house for women and children.
You could also get in touch with your local domestic violence service which you can find here:https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/
As you are feeling really low, please call the Samaritans or ring your GP for support.
Take care and please keep posting
26th May 2020 at 11:32 am #104381lover of no contactParticipant
Welcome girlvoice to the Forum,
You’ve done a fantastic thing for you and your baby by posting on here your thoughts and feelings. It’s not self-pity at all. Coming on here and writing honestly is a life-saver. Keep writing it all out in this safe space and reading the other posts as this will make you feel stronger for you and your baby. You are under horrendous pressure which shows how strong you actually are to have survived being treated horribly by your Mum and your husband. I too was similar; my mum got some power and control buzz from me being upset. Like you I didn’t realize what was going on with her games (silent treatments towards me for months on end as a teenager especially). I thought it was my fault too but deep down I knew it wasn’t as I was one step short of being perfect with my mother and husband. Reaching out for help in here is such a huge turning point for you; it really will get better as you get the knowledge with what you’re dealing with. Keep posting!And definitely phone Women’s Aid.
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