Communicating with n********t

[Violas]

I have shared custody with my ex and have suffered (detail removed by moderator)of n**********c abuse from him. I am trying to find ways to manage his behaviour and take back my control/create boundaries. A big part of the issue is the horrendous texts/emails he sends which are always very lengthy, very accusing and most often complete fiction on his part!

I thought one way to stop this might be to use a co parenting app so communication is business like and so that he can’t play the games he has been recently with changing contact/Pick up arrangements without telling me!

The only apps I can find are US or Australian. Any suggestions please?

[Hetty]

I really feel for you. I’ve had this for years with my ex. It’s really hard to manage them in a way that feels ok. It’s like they make it their life’s work to find ways to upset us.
I told my ex that if he continued with the verbal abuse I’d report him to the police. If he’s stupid enough to write down his drivel then you have all the evidence you need. I’ve also had periods of time when I’ve gone through a 3rd party. You could get a cheap phone that is only to use when speaking with him.

[Cecile]

Cheap phone is an excellent idea. Also log it with the police- abuse is abuse whether written or spoken.

[KIP.]

A third party or a contact centre for handover. The cheap mobile phone or sim only for him and change your email address or block him. A contact book going back and forth is also a good idea. You absolutely do not need to put up with this behaviour. Do you have a legally binding access agreement? There is no such thing as co parenting with an abuser. You’re not going to persuade him to use an ‘App’. He wants access to you to continue his abuse. If you can type more than four wards on a co parenting app you’re getting more of the same. Texts are best and if possible through a third party x

[Freedom19]

Hi,
Read up about Parallel Parenting and Grey Rock. It’s impossible to co parent with a N********t.
I try only to reply once a day at the same time. I don’t react I respond( try to)
It’s really hard work but grey rock helps.There is apps in the UK too.I would save all messages for reference.

[Iwantmeback]

Absolutely agree about keeping all his lengthy texts. The fact he has to enter into a monologue says a lot more about him. There are some great you tube videos about going grey rock. That is what held me together in the final weeks before I left my oh.
💞💞

[Author]

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