This topic contains 14 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by  Canon 3 weeks ago.

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  • #82168
     Worrywart 
    Participant

    hi my ex has just got engaged to his new supply, they have only been together weeks (detail removed by moderator), joke is we got engaged after being together for a few years and not weeks and we never got married (detail removed by moderator)) i’m thinking about whether he does actually love her and hated me and that’s why he treated me the way he did for all those years (he must have been so happy to find his first love) i feel absolutely worthless, not only that but (detail removed by moderator) …i’m actually thinking that it wasn’t abuse i suffered, it was hatred for me and we was together for years …god knows what else he has been filling our child’s head with about me when he stays with him …why rub my nose in it about his new but old love, hes probably treating her like a f…… princess, sorry for language but i’m totally devastated.

  • #82170
     KIP. 
    Participant

    He doesn’t love this new woman. It’s just what abusers do with new supply. He’s doing it to hurt you. Triangulation. She will be swept up in the honeymoon phase but it will never last. I would absolutely report his threat to kill you to the police. Never ever underestimate these men. Very often their threats hide a very dark side. At least have it noted with the police. That fact that he can still show such rage and anger clearly shows he hasn’t moved on and very likely never will. He will always want you in the background for when this relationship ends badly. Stick to absolutely zero contact. Show him he is not worthy of being in your life. Do not let him know you’re upset. Which you have every right to be. That’s the whole reason he’s rubbing your nose in it. I would keep it totally private but they cannot help themselves. My ex put it all over Facebook when I was still with him. Losers x

  • #82180
     fizzylem 
    Participant

    So sorry to read you are feeling this way, but don’t buy into this WW! He’s done this to hurt you. Don’t you think? I also feel sorry for your son finding out like this, surely a caring responsible father would pull his son to one side to share in his good news, maybe over a celebratory drink? At a time when it wouldnt feel like a shock, more the next natural step. He hasn’t considered how your son might feel at all. He expects him to be ok with it because he is ok with it – classic narc. (detail removed by moderator) This man sounds dreadful WW, please don’t waste another care or a single thought on him!

    Sounds suspect to me getting engaged after only a few weeks. I pity this new woman, she clearly has no idea yet what he is really like, has been fooled so far and she is also not doing herself any favours by agreeing to this after such a short time together – it’s not real WW, how can it be. This is a car crash in the making. There is no such thing as the special one with him, each woman is the ‘special one’ as this is what she wants to hear – but it actually means nothing to him other than he can gain control here, get her to work for him. Come on flower – see this for what it is.

    I would take the view they have rushed into this; even if they did know one another years ago – they have spent very little time together so do not really know each other. You do know him though hey, and you don’t wish this life on anyone x

  • #82181
     Worrywart 
    Participant

    thanks for your reply KIP, i cant get this thought out of my head about him with her, enjoying life while i’m still grieving for him, how can he do this to me! i didn’t mean anything to him, all them years wasted on a low life b****** …i don’t want to ring the police at the mo because it may make him worse …unless he actually does try to physically hurt me ….im so down 🙁 x

  • #82184
     AlwaysSorry 
    Participant

    Hi WW,

    This sounds really painful having to hear and I bet that’s exactly what he was aiming for, even including your child as a means to pass on the abuse. Horrendous behaviour. Did he ever treat you like a princess for a while only for it to turn sour? It sounds to me like he might be lovebombing her and as we know, the lovebombing doesn’t last. I very much doubt the picture he is so desperately painting is accurate. If he was all loved up with this new but old love, the attention would be on her, not on spreading messages through your child to get to you. I think it’s really worrying that he at the same time is passing on threats to kill through your child. This to me is a really big red flag and when combining the two this does not sound like a man all loved up with a new partner. This doesn’t sound like someone enjoying life. To me, it sounds like a bully who can only get satisfaction when he knows he is causing you distress. Treat yourself tonight WW, it’s okay to mourn what you wanted you and him to be, just don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing this. You are doing so well with no contact, be proud of yourself for this x

    Sending you a big hug, you deserve so much better than his horrendous behaviour x

  • #82185
     fizzylem 
    Participant

    This is classic love bombing WW!

  • #82202
     Worrywart 
    Participant

    thank you all so much for your replys ….fizzylem he told our eldest son a few weeks ago about getting married and not to tell me and he told our yougest (the one who stays over night) last week about it and told him not to tell me too ….(detail removed by moderator)  ….alwayssorry you are right! if he was really in love with her he wouldnt even bother about wanting to get to me ….his old but new love didnt learn the first time around as he treated her horrendously too, she probably thinks that he’s grown up or changed as they were quite young when they lived together the first time around x

  • #86276
     Had.enough 
    Participant

    When this happens to me I know I will be on this forum. I know how you feel. I am linked to my ex. He has a new gf and i am absolutely devastated. I feel she has taken my place. I keep thinking if he has grown up and changed and is no longer mean. I am jealous of her totally. I know how I feel about her existence. Her playing happy families with the kids. I am going to be devastated when she has children if she is not already pregnant. He got me pregnant with another woman who turned out to have two children already to him. We were both pregnant at the same time, both didn’t know about each other for over 2 and a half years. He does weekly skype calls which i dread. I dread hearing the fake voice “Hey Kids….” ( the man who was in another womans bed when i was giving birth) while he is living in her house putting on the act of father of the year. I am the evil crazy ex and I don’t want to be in this category. He promised we would be together forever. that he had never felt this way before about anyone. I gave him money when he needed it. I did everything I could. He would lie and lie and lie to my face, cause arguments and storm out. I think this was so he could be with his other family. Then come back demand sex no condom. sometimes i would have sex with him and then he would blank me afterwards for hours. I would feel used.
    I go through stages of hating him and loving him. recently i just think of how much i misss him when he was nice. or the man i see him be in court to other people. They all joking and laughing with him. I am thinking what the f happened. We were close. So intimate. I feel so used.
    I still love him very much. i dont know if its because i know he has a gf now but i do feel devastated and this need that i need him back. I miss him so much. I am still single and alone. I miss the constant stream of calls and texts , the loving ones. The begging ones even. I wish i had not been so stubborn and had gone back to him. I wouldnt be going through family courts. I would be with my kids at all times to keep an eye on things. I am linked to him for life that i cant stand that thought because i know he has no need for me so its is just going to be hate hate hate. At least if i stayed there was some love from him. Now the new love is getting it all and i hate her for it. How full of bitterness i have become for getting involved with him in the first place. i hate myself and the sad low, fat, numb person i have become. I wish i had stayed and not been so impulsive by packing my bags. I want this pain to go away. Never felt so heartbroken over a total pr**k in all my life.

  • #86277
     Worrywart 
    Participant

    hi had enough …im so sorry you re going through this too, its totally devastating they move on sooo quick dont they but it only proves to me (now i can see a bit more clearly) he never had any real feelings for me otherwise he just would not have moved on from a (detail removed by moderator) year relationship in the blink of an eye, plus he does not have any feelings for his new (but old) girlfriend either, how can he! the fact that he is rubbing her in my face, tells me he is not happy otherwise it would be hearts and flowers and not even giving me a second thought, i still miss him and still cry some times but i am starting to feel better because he is not in my thoughts 24/7 like he was …you will get there, it does take time and you have to go through it to come out the other side, im not there yet but slowly getting there and you will too eventually

    • #86291
       Had.enough 
      Participant

      Thank you Worrywart. Wow (detail removed by moderator) years is a very long time. I am so sorry. I wish you all the best. I just hope i get past this because i am driving myself mad thinking about him waking up to someone else and the thought of her in my childrens lives. I feel she has taken my place. How she is coping so well. Why could he not have made life easy for us. I wanted a relationship like what my parents have. There 30 year anniversary is coming up. All my aunties and uncles are still together. My cousin got married yesterday and my relationship is a flipping mess going through the family courts. It is though my time to have a happy family life is up. Got my chance and game over. All my friends are married with kids. Feel bad for the kids. wish I tried harder to keep it together.

  • #86293
     Worrywart 
    Participant

    thank you x onwards and upwards as they say

  • #86294
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    I wish my oh would find someone

  • #86296
     Worrywart 
    Participant

    had enough …you will get through it …my parents have been together 50 years now and they are still happy and contented, not like me! i thought i found my life partner and after (detail removed by moderator) years who wouldn’t i guess i thought the abuse was normal (sounds stupid i know) but that’s how it was BUT now im starting to feel free and excited that i can do what i want when i want and not be abused anymore …cant wait for my brand new future, iv’e done A LOT of research on my ex’s traits and i can tell you that it really opened my eyes to what type of abuser he is …god help his new but old girlfriend….your ex sounds very much like mine, same sort of traits look up types of abusers there are and you will be amazed at what you find x

  • #86297
     Worrywart 
    Participant

    had enough …did your ex go back to one of his ex girlfriends or was she a friend or someone that has always been on the scene when you was together?

  • #86631
     Canon 
    Participant

    My ex did this, probably tried to convince her to have a baby with him too (hopefully she said no!), he did all the things to sweep her off her feet that he had done to me and all those before me.
    She’s managed to put up with him a bit longer than I did – but it came to an end thank god, she’s now got out and he’s due in court for assaulting her (for the 3rd/4th time).

    I just hope she has the strength and support to stay away from him now.

    I hate hearing when he’s got someone new because I know what he’s like, he vile and a prolific abuser. I just wish other women could see that and run a mile – but we know how good they are at sweeping us off our feet at the start. But the mask will slip – it always does x

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