7th April 2021 at 9:44 pm #124496HettyParticipant
Hi lovely women, I haven’t been on here for a while. I needed to take a break for a while as things were feeling really intense. I’ve had multiple problems that felt like they were stacking up against me.
I feel like I might be suffering from complex PTSD. I’m feeling really detached and hopeless. My child’s behaviour (mostly normal kid back chat and the like) is constantly pushing me over the edge. I just want to curl into a ball, like I can’t take one more raised voice or bad word said. I just feel like giving up. I’ve come to expect nothing from my family who are totally unsupportive emotionally, but this is also deeply wounding. Thankfully I do have some good friends. I haven’t really opened up to them about how badly I’m feeling because I feel ashamed and I’m not sure what they could even do anyway. I’m managing to hold it together for work but I’m crying all of the time at home. I don’t want meds. I tried them at Christmas and they made me really ill so I stopped them. I know that might have been premature but I couldn’t/can’t face the weeks of feeling unwell with side effects while I’m feeling so fragile anyway.
I keep trying to think positive, be thankful etc. I’ve been trying mindfulness every day. I’m just in a deep dark hole.
I don’t know if this is some sort of PTSD. I’m not experiencing flashbacks or nightmares but there’s aspects of normal life I’m struggling to cope with.
Is this normal and could this be C-PTSD? X
8th April 2021 at 9:03 am #124506DarcyParticipant
Good morning beautiful Hetty,
I am sadden to hear you are struggling. I think generally this time of year can drag on until the weather gets nicer and with the past year as well, there has been a lot to cope with on top of the personal feelings you are experiencing.
Have you considered any kind of therapy/counselling? I know this isn’t always possible so if not there is so much free content online you could look at.
I know from us connecting before Hetty that you are a positive person and I think its brilliant you are doing your mindfulness everyday.
I know that it doesn’t sound like much help, but sometimes we have to sit with these negative feelings, invite them in ask them what they want, address them and then let them pass. On a spiritual level this is called the dark night of the soul (you may want to google it) and takes us to the next level of awakening.
Regarding your child, I am sure they are feeling bored and fed up to with all the effects of lockdown so maybe try and lighten things up there with some fun activities. Maybe getting out in nature or having a planned movie night once a week with some homemade treats.
I truly believe from our connection that you are on the right path, just be kind and gentle with yourself, tune in to what you need and remember
”This to shall pass ”
Sending you continued love and support
8th April 2021 at 9:24 am #124509EggshellsParticipant
I’m so sorry to hear how hard things are for you at the moment.
It might be worth talking to your GP to see if they can refer you for the right type of counselling for you.
That feeling of wanting to curl up into a ball and have everything disappear is awful. Please do try to talk to your friends, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You are a kind and courageous women who has reached saturation point. You may find that your friends are desperate to help.
There are other things that you can do if you don’t want pills. There is evidence that shows that 20 minutes of exercise a day can be as effective as pills. Also evidence is mounting about the benefits of being in the countryside. If you are within driving distance of somewhere that has peaceful green space and trees, then a 20 minute walk around can do wonders.
Burning essential oils can also really help. Something like orange is uplifting and oils such as rose, chamomile and lavender are relaxing. Chamomile tea can help and if you don’t like that I can strongly recommend Heath and Heather bed time tea or chamomile and spiced apple.
Non of these are a wonder cure but combined, they might help you to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Big hugs Hetty. xx
8th April 2021 at 6:05 pm #124545HettyParticipant
Thank you so much ladies. Having support on here means the world ❤️
8th April 2021 at 11:30 pm #124566WaterspriteParticipant
Hi Hetty yes please do speak to your GP and keep reaching out for support.
Perhaps you are beginning to grieve ? Not the ending – but all the things you thought you had when it was good all your hopes and dreams and all the losses the injustice the stolen years ? I fight grief but allowing it to wash over crying allowing it and it seems to help it pass easier than when I resist it. Don’t know if that resonates with you but sending hugs and support. It will pass. Remember how far you have come x
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