Complicated

[ParisAmour]

Hi All

I am new to the forum and I am really tired and fed up, I have been with my husband since I was (age removed by moderator)  children together. Since we have been together all he has ever done is put me down and get us into debt and drink stupid amount of alcohol. He has done a number of things such as crashing the works vehicle under the influence of alcohol and just abuse me at his drunkest peaks. The worst was in (year removed by moderator) when he tried to rape me and I managed to get out and run to a neighbour. The bad thing was I left my two little babies in the house. The police were called and of course took a while to get them out. He was not allowed to contact me and of course within that week he cut me off from finances and had no money for food. Of course with out boring everyone he made me withdraw my statement from the police and he moved back in. The CPS did send a letter to say there was enough evidence to charge as there was CCTV on the property which could hear everything and see everything outside. I finally left in (year removed by moderator) and all he has done was follow me and again is till in my property. To cut the long story short he has finally started to let me go out with a friend, who I can see he likes (I know it sounds awful) but its the only way out. Sorry just wanted to get it out there

[Confused123]

HI Hun

Its horrible when u feel trapped and no way out, i would recommened u to build a strong support network team, call womensaid and ask for a support worker, u say he fancys your friend and u see that as way out , i see him using your friend for sex and fun and still holding on to u, his comfortable with living off u hun, they dont let us go that easily thats why we have to leave or take action to get them removed. I know u feeling scared and prob drained but u need to tell professionals whats happening, is the house solely on your name then theres no reason for him to stay, these men r brill at changing our minds as they so damm evil and think of themselves, post on here as much as u can we will guide u, make a plan how u can get rid of him , use the fact that u going out with this mate as to actually see support agencies, dont let that u took him back put u off

[ParisAmour]

Thank you very much. I know what you mean, I cant deal with him anymore. I come to work with a big smile on my face and nobody would ever guess on what is going on at home. It is that bad because I make arrangements to not be in the house, my children do so many activities that we don’t have to be home. I just got concerned that social services step in and my children end up in care if I seek external help.

[Confused123]

Hey Hun

Can totally understand where u coming from s service scare me too, have been in your boat where we plaster a smile onto the whole world, it shocking that even when u breaking people put blind eye to it . U do need help Hun and positive support , please listen to my advice and call womensaid , I have personally wasted around (removed by moderator) with my abusers who was also an acholoic , they never change , just by reading your Post it sounds like u isolated , I know u maybe thinking it’s under control even though u know it’s wrong but long term Hun your kids will get emotionally damaged , as long as u making plan to get away from him and working with support agencies that’s what a services will encourage and once u seek help and disclose abuse the correct agencies can help u , when we on relationship it’s all draining , u need someone to hold your hand and guide u Hun , there is support out there we have to ask for it and take it , I was just like a zombie totally shut down in
End just trying to survive , my kids were effected as it took me so long , now I’m out it’s shocking how much support is there that I never knew about , your gp can guide u further but I find women’s aid will direct u to so much , google up where help is available for d v victims in your area , I could tell u which agency help me but it always gets removed of site but women’s aid can guide u to them too . This site is brill once u can log in and get through , feel free to message me direct and will see how can support u more , hang in there and keep posting

[SaharaD]

Hi ParisAmour and Welcome

I think from what you have said. The best thing is to go into a refuge. Don’t tell him you are leaving. Contact Women’s Aid about Safety planning. If you own the house, the refuge will help you with going to court to get the financial arrangements for it to be sold and storage for your belongings. If you rent the house the refuge will either (1) if it is social housing help you to transfer social housing to another borough or (2) if it is private house, release you from the lease obligations (he then becomes the landlord’s problem) and resettle you elsewhere permanently.

if it were me I would get rid of and get away from the husband before starting another relationship. Domestic violence/abuse organisations recommend waiting 2 years after the last abusive contact to start dating again.

Keep reading and post if you need support and help.

[Savingmyself]

Hi there
Please call womens aid on 0808 2000 247 in confidence to find out all your options in getting away from the abuser and getting some peace of mind
Big hugs xx

[ParisAmour]

Thank you all sorry I haven’t been back but, he was actually having an affair with her and of course telling me everyday he hated me. Because she was playing games with him it clicked and realised that the grass is not greener on the otherside. I have found out and of course not happy. He kept on telling himself that we can still continue but we cant. I had to call the police when a week later because he hit me and I did dropt to the floor. This was it because my girls were not there I thought what if he was. He has been charged with (detail removed by Moderator) on me because he kicked my cat flying. He still cant see that I am done with him and he is going to some friends who are on his side saying I am the one who is being pathetic. I have put divorce papers in (detail removed by Moderator) and hopefully can move on with my life.

[Lisa]

Hi ParisAmour,

Thank you for coming back to update us on what has happened. I am sorry to hear about what you have been through because of your husband. Well done for being so strong to call the police and to go ahead with a divorce. You and your children deserve to live a happy life without abuse and fear.

I wish you the very best with your future. Keep posting when you can, there will always be support here for you.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Author]

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